S. Scott S. Halverstadt - A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships

Finding Fulfillment in Love,
Sex, & Relationships

Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, M.S.

For my loving wife, Terri
143, 24

Copyright 1998 by Jonathan Scott Halverstadt. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any meansincluding photocopying and electronic reproductionwithout written permission from the publisher.

Book design by Mark McGarry
Set in Goudy

Published by Taylor Trade Publishing
An Imprint of the Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group
4501 Forbes Blvd., Suite 200
Lanham, Maryland 20706

Distributed by National Book Network

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Halverstadt, Jonathan Scott.

ADD & romance : finding fulfillment in love, sex & relationships / Jonathan Scott Halverstadt.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-87833-209-0

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Attention-deficit disordered adults. I. Title.

HQ801.H3225 1998

Printed in the United States of America

The anecdotal illustrations in this book are composites of real situations, and all names have been changed to protect the privacy of those individuals involved.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author and the publisher are not engaged in rendering legal, medical, or other professional service. If medical advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. The checklists in this book are not designed to substitute for professional evaluations or psychotherapy.

Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, M.S., is a registered MFCC Intern, #IMF24811, supervised by Daniel G. Amen, M.D., G514340.

ONE
The Effects of ADD on Romantic RelationshipsOne Couples Story

TWO
I Thought Only Kids Got That

THREE
Avoid Making Poor Partnering Decisions

FOUR
ADD and Unrealistic Expectations for Relationships

FIVE
ADD and the Challenges of Good Communication

SIX
The Erratic Erotic Attention Span: Sexual Intimacy and ADD

SEVEN
The Positive Attributes of ADD in a Romantic Relationship

EIGHT
Making Your Love Last

NINE
Help for the Hurting

TEN
The Sweetheart Approach

ELEVEN
Fifty Ways to Keep Your Lover

Jonathan Scott Halverstadt and I have worked together as a team at my clinic for the last several years. We have worked with hundreds of children, teenagers, and adults who have been suffering from the behavioral symptoms caused by Attention Deficit Disorder. And with his deep understanding of ADD, Jonathan has been able to help those patients cope with their difficulties and learn how to lead positive, exciting lives.

As someone who has struggled with this disorder his whole life, Jonathan understands ADD on an intensely personal level. He understands the joy his patients feel from effective treatment. And he understands their brand-new sense of hope for the future.

But Jonathan doesnt just bring his personal experience to the treatment of ADD. He also brings an understanding of the neurobiology of this disorder and extensive experience studying the ADD brain in action using nuclear brain imaging techniques.

Jonathan brings both the reality of living with ADD and the science of this disorder together in ADD & Romance. In a balanced approach, Jonathan highlights the strengths of people with ADD and the struggles that cause them and their partners pain. If you or your partners suffer from ADD and youve been wondering why your romantic relationships just dont work out, this book will clarify your problems and provide solutions that really work. There is hopehere are answers.

When it comes to ADD and romance, Jonathan Scott Halverstadt knows what works, both through his own personal experiences and those of his hundreds of patients. ADD & Romance brings it all together for you. You can have the relationship of your dreams.

Daniel G. Amen, M.D.

Director, The Amen Clinic for Behavioral Medicine

Fairfield, California

First and foremost I want to thank my wife, Terri, who has been a constant source of help and encouragement with this project and in my life. If the reader finds any encouragement or solace in these pages, it is partly due to Terris encouragement and understanding over the many months it took me to write this.

I would also like to thank the following people for their help and encouragement: My parents, Lee and Dorothy Halverstadt, for holding my hand and my heart when I was hurting the most, and, for the love you have always had for me, even through all those tough years; Daniel G. Amen, M.D., for the impact you have had upon the world through your research, and especially for the impact you have had upon my lifeGod is using you in a mighty way and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to work with you as a colleague on a daily basis; my agent, Mary Brice, for believing in me and in this project; my editor and coach, Janis Leibs Dworkis, for her genuine interest and many hours of work; Camille Cline, Stacey Sexton, and Stephanie Milacek at Taylor Publishing for their help, patience, and expertise; my colleagues at the Amen Clinic; and my friends: the Brucemeister, Greg and Donna Brock, Dwight and Pat Dalton, John Howard, Matthew Stubblefield, Wendy Richardson, Marilyn Watts, Brian Goldman, Carolyn Trace, Bart Gibson, Earl Henslin, Keith and Andrea Miller, Les Lucas, Dwaine McCallon, Lynn Weiss, Jerry Seiden, Ali and Clyde Baker, John and Reva McKie, John and Karen Fu, Rich Scileppi, Ric Seaberg, Sterg, Jim Moore, Lesli Pepper, Pamela Powell, Jack and Dorothy Vance, Tony Yamamoto, and the Thursday Night Fun Club. You have all had a part in this book in one way or another because you have all contributed so richly to my life. Thank you. Maranatha!

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) affects every aspect of a persons life. Most people who have it were born with itand it never goes away. You carry it with you your whole life. For better or worse, it influences almost everything you do.

I know exactly how ADD affects a persons life, because I have it myself.

I never knew I had ADD until I was in my late thirties. I was working as a therapist, having just received my masters degree in marriage and family counseling, and I was at a conference on learning disabilities and ADD. In every session I attended, I was amazedbecause they were discussing my life. They were discussing the difficulties I had always had academically. They were discussing the difficulties I had at work. And they were discussing the difficulties I had in my interpersonal relationships.

Thats when I realized I needed to see someone who could give me a professional diagnosis. And when I did that, the diagnosis was ADD.