Terry Deary - The Rotten Romans

Contents

Introduction

H istory can be horrible. Horribly hard to learn. The trouble is it keeps on changing. In maths, two and two is usually four and in science water is always made up of hydrogen and oxygen.

But in history things arent that simple. In history a fact is sometimes not a fact at all. Really its just someones opinion. And opinions can be different for different people.

For example you probably think your teacher is more horrible than the cold cabbage and custard you had for school dinner. Thats your opinion. But teachers mum probably thinks hes sweeter than tea with six sugars. Thats her opinion.

You could both be right or both be wrong

See what I mean? Both right, both wrong!

Of course, honest answers like these dont get you gold stars. No! Teachers will try to tell you there are right and wrong answers even if there arent.

There are worse things than horrible history. Want to know what? Teachers jokes are more horrible than the Tower of London Torture Chamber

So, history can be horrible. But when you find the real truth about the past you can suddenly discover its horribly fascinating . Everyone loves a good murder story history is full of them, like the murder of Julius Caesar. Blood all over the place.

And there are war stories, thrillers, horror stories and comedies. Thats the sort of history youll find in this book. With a bit of luck you might even horrify your teacher!

Terrible Timeline

bc

Roman legend says Rome
was founded by Romulus .
The truth is that the early
Romans were farmers living
in a region called Latium .

bc

The Romans are fed up with
their cruel king, Tarquin .
They throw him out and rule
themselves (thats called a
Republic).

bc

First of the Punic Wars against the great enemy, Carthage (in North Africa).

Result: Rome 1 Carthage 0 .

bc

Hannibal of Carthage attacks Rome
with the help of elephants. He cant capture Rome but rampages round Italy terrorizing people.

bc

Scipio takes charge of the Roman Army and beats Hannibal. Rome 2 Carthage 0 . The Roman farmers take over more and more land till they have the whole of Italy.

bc

Third War to wipe Carthage out
forever. Game, set and match to Rome! The Romans get to like the idea of conquering people! They start on the rest of the world.

bc

By now the Romans have conquered Greece

and most of Spain.

bc

Julius Caesar is born.

bc

Julius Caesar becomes Consul for the

first time.

bc

Julius Caesar invades Britain for the first time because (he says) a) the Belgae of south Britain are helping the Gauls of north France to rebel against the Romans, and b) there is a wealth of tin, copper and lead to be found in Britain.

bc

Julius Caesar is elected dictator for
life then murdered!

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Claudius gives orders for the invasion of Britain again!

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One tribe, the Iceni, rebel. Queen
Boudica leads them in massacres of Romans. Roman General Paulinus defeats her and she poisons herself .

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Julius Agricola completes the invasion (except for the Picts in Scotland).

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Agricola beats the Picts at Mons Graupius in Scotland.

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Hadrian starts building a wall across northern England to keep out the Picts.

ad 235285

Fifty-year period with over 20 Roman emperors mainly because they keep getting murdered .

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Emperor Constantine allows Christian worship.

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Christianity becomes official religion of Rome.

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Roman troops are being withdrawn from Britain to defend Rome.

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Barbarian tribes from Germany begin attacks on the empire and Rome itself.

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The last Roman emperor of the western empire is forced to retire.

ad 1453

The empire of the east falls to
the Turks. End of the Roman
Empire .

The Rotten
Roman Army

I n the year ad 43 the Romans invaded Britain. The Roman Army didnt run all of Roman Britain. Once theyd won the battles they moved on to fight somewhere else. Towns were built in the beaten bits with Roman lords in charge. Just in case the Britons felt like revolting, the Romans let retired Roman soldiers settle in the land outside the towns a circle of trusted men to warn of danger. And, if the battered Brits did give trouble then the army could get back quickly to help by marching along the new Roman roads.

Your teachers will tell you all about the legions and what they wore and how they lived. But they dont know everything.

Test your teacher

Ask your teacher these questions. Can they get more than 5 out of 10? Can you?

If you were a Roman soldier

1 What would you wear under your leather kilt?

a) nothing

b) underpants

c) fig leaves

2 Where would you drive on the Roman roads?