Don Gabor - How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends
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Now revised and updated for the digital era, the classic bestseller How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends has helped hundreds of thousands of people communicate with wit, confidence, and enthusiasm for more than a generation.Small-talk expert Don Gabor has completely revised and updated this definitive guide, showing how to combine essential techniques in the art of conversation with necessary skills for communicating in the twenty-first century. By following the simple and dynamic guidelines in this easy-to-read book, youll be ready to strike up a great conversation anytime, anywherewhether youre at a cocktail party or chatting online. Learn how to keep the conversation going by asking the right questions, using body language effectively, and avoiding conversation pitfalls. Combining his tried-and-true methods with a whole new section on communicating online and through social networking, Don Gabor shows you how to: Identify your personal conversation style Engage in online conversations using proper etiquette and security Turn online conversations into face-to-face relationships Boost your personal and professional speaking skills to the next levelPacked with charts, hundreds of opening lines, real-life examples, FAQs, helpful hints, and solid professional advice, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends will help you connect with others at home, work, online, in person, and everywhere in between.
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Published by Jaico Publishing House
A-2 Jash Chambers, 7-A Sir Phirozshah Mehta Road
Fort, Mumbai 400 001
www.jaicobooks.com
A-2 Jash Chambers, 7-A Sir Phirozshah Mehta Road
Fort, Mumbai 400 001
www.jaicobooks.com
1983, Don Gabor
Published in arrangement with
Sheldon Press
36 Causton Street
London SW1P 4ST
Sheldon Press
36 Causton Street
London SW1P 4ST
HOW TO START A CONVERSATION AND MAKE FRIENDS
ISBN 978-81-8495-711-2
ISBN 978-81-8495-711-2
First Jaico Impression: 2015
No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my family, friends,
and my dog, Farina, for their stimulating
conversations and support.
and my dog, Farina, for their stimulating
conversations and support.
Contents
Introduction Turn On and Tune In
1. Be Receptive Body Language
2. Starting Conversations Naturally
3. Keeping the Conversation Going
4. Getting Your Ideas Across
5. Closing Conversations Naturally
Suggestions for Better Conversations
6. Remembering Names
7. Improving Your Conversations
8. Overcoming Conversational Hang-ups
9. Making Friends
50 Ways to Improve Your Conversations
About the Author
Introduction: Turn On and Tune In
T he next time you walk into a room full of people, just listen to them talking! Theyre all communicating through conversation. Conversation is our main way of expressing our ideas, opinions, goals, and feelings to those we come into contact with. It is also the primary means of beginning and establishing friendships and relationships.
When the channel of conversation is open, we can connect and communicate with people around us. If the conversational channel is closed, then starting and sustaining a conversation can be a real problem. This book is based on my class, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends , and it will show you how to turn on your conversational channel and tune in to people you meet.
The conversational techniques in this book have been successfully tested in my classes and proven as methods of starting and sustaining conversations in nearly every situation including social and business settings. The techniques are presented in an easy-to-master format so you can start improving your communication skills and self-confidence quickly. The techniques are demonstrated in real-life situations so you can practice and learn them within the context of your own lifestyle and at your own pace.
This book can be helpful to a wide variety of people including
singles | managers |
couples | students |
professionals | parents |
sales representatives | immigrants |
consultants | freelance artists |
teachers | business executives and many others. |
Who attends my classes? Although many of the students may be shy, most are people who want to improve their ability to communicate.
How This Book Can Help You
M any students who attend my classes are making career changes, and they want to learn how to move easily into a new social and work environment. Sales people want to know how to converse with clients in an informal (soft-sell) manner, while women executives want to feel confident communicating with their male associates on an equal and nonsexual basis. New residents of the United States want to learn conversational English. Business executives want to learn how not to talk shop while entertaining, and parents want to learn to communicate well with their children and other family members. The list seems endless.
If you can converse in most situations without much problem, you can further your business and personal goals by improving your conversational skills. Even good conversationalists sometimes find themselves in situations where the conversation is just not going the way they want it to. This book provides techniques to help you better direct and control the conversation at such times.
Learn to Enjoy Parties While Winning New Friends
P erhaps the most common situation that causes problems for many is meeting new people and socializing at cocktail parties and social events. Many people feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers and are anxious about approaching others. This book discusses not just meeting new people, but making new friends, and developing lasting and meaningful relationships.
Most people want to share their experiences with others. We are constantly searching for others we can relate to on an intellectual, physical, and emotional level. This search can be frustrating and unfulfilling if you arent able to reach out and communicate. Once you master the basic fundamentals of good conversation and are willing to reach out, youll be open and available for new friendships and relationships.
You Can Learn to Communicate and Use New Skills
T he ability to communicate in an informal and friendly manner is essential for every aspect of a persons business, social, and personal life. Most people can converse with others when they feel confident and comfortable. The problem arises when comfort and confidence are replaced by anxiety and fear. This book will help you identify which communication skills you already have working for you and in which situations you already feel confident.
Once you understand the skills that promote natural conversations, then begin using them in situations where you feel comfortable and confident. You will be able to see how effective you are, while simultaneously integrating these new techniques into your lifestyle.
As you become more confident with your conversational skills in safe situations, take some extra risks, and begin to use your new communication skills in situations where you were previously uncomfortable and anxious. Youll be pleasantly surprised to find that your skills will transfer from one situation to another without difficulty. As your control increases, so will your confidence. Your ability to maintain casual and sustained conversations will become part of your personality. Dont think about the skills and techniques; just let them become a subconscious basis for communicating.
Connect with People
T he goal of conversation is to connect with people and the world around us. We have much to gain by communicating in an open and mutual manner. By sharing our experiences, we can grow in new ways. Our horizons and opportunities can expand, while our relationships may deepen and become more meaningful. Friendships and a sense of personal fulfillment can develop.
Conversation is also a means of negotiating with others. Communicating our wants and needs effectively is essential to fulfilling them.
Getting Started
B egin by opening your mind and your senses to people and the world around you. Begin to integrate your new skills into your personality. You dont have to become a different person. You just need to change your attitudes and skills when you deal with others. Be patient and focus on small daily changes, rather than waiting for revelations. Remember, our patterns have had many years to crystallize, and it takes time for them to change.
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