David and Claudia Arp - 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage: Updated and Expanded Edition

Resources by David and Claudia Arp

Books

10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters

10 Great Dates Before You Say I Do

(co-authored with Curt and Natelle Brown)

10 Great Dates: Connecting Faith, Love and Marriage

(co-authored with Heather and Peter Larson)

$10 Great Dates

(co-authored with Heather and Peter Larson)

52 Fantastic Dates for You and Your Mate

The Second Half of Marriage

Fighting for Your Empty Nest Marriage

(co-authored with Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, and Susan Blumberg)

No Time for Sex

Shes Almost a Teenager Essential Conversations to Have Now

(co-authored with Heather and Peter Larson)

The Connected Family

Answering the 8 Cries of the Spirited Child

Video Curriculum

10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage

10 Great Dates Before You Say I Do

(with Heather and Peter Larson)

Great Dates Connect

(with Heather and Peter Larson)

ZONDERVAN

10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage

Copyright 1997, 2016 by David and Claudia Arp

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Drive SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

ePub Edition February 2016: ISBN 978-0-310-34403-2

10 Great Dates is a registered trademark.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Throughout the book names have been changed.

This book is a resource for marriage enrichment, not a substitute for needed professional counseling. If some of the exercises in this book raise issues for you or your spouse that cannot be easily resolved, we urge you to seek professional help.

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.

Cover design: Connie Gabbert | design + illustration

Interior design: Denise Froehlich

First printing January 2016

To the many couples who over the years have experienced 10 Great Dates and shared your experiences with us

Contents

In this ebook edition, please use your devices note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes] or [Your Response]. Use your devices highlighting function to record your response whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your answer(s).

W e gratefully acknowledge the contributions of the following people:

Those who have pioneered marriage education and on whose shoulders we stand, including David and Vera Mace, John Gottman, David Olson, Sherod Miller, Dianne Sollee, and our friends at PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), including Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, and Susan Blumberg.

The many other researchers and authors we quoted, for your sound work, which gives a solid base for the cause of marriage enrichment.

Others who shared their stories and insights, including Aaron Larson, Harriet McManus, and Bethany Johnson.

The many couples who have attended our seminars and experienced their own 10 Great Dates, for your comments and input.

Our editor, Sandy Vander Zicht, for sharing your expertise and patiently nudging us on.

Our production editor, Jim Ruark.

Our marketing director, Alicia Mey Kasen.

Our literary agent, Greg Johnson, for being our advocate and encouraging us along the way.

H ave you ever gone kayaking with your spouse or a friend? If so, you know how easily kayaks can drift away from each other if you simply allow the water currents to push you along. Staying together requires effort intentional paddling and steering. And its likely no surprise to you that the same principle applies to marriage. There are many challenges in the river of life. It is infinitely easier to meet those challenges if you and your spouse are paddling and steering together and infinitely harder to do so when youve drifted apart. Thats just one of the reasons its important to have an intentional way to steer your boats back together again.

Weve never been brave enough to try kayaking, but we have experienced whitewater rafting and lived to tell the tale. At first it was so easy and fun we just floated downstream. All seemed so calm and pleasant that we were lulled into a nave confidence and thought, Hey, we can handle this! Whats so hard about whitewater rafting? However, when the water currents abruptly sped up, our lazy floating experience suddenly became a hair-raising fight for survival! We had to work together to steer our raft away from sharp rocks, stay upright, and try to slow the pace. We somehow made it through without capsizing, and only later learned that the rapids wed just survived were aptly named, Devil Shoals. We were very happy to finish the course and get our feet back on solid ground.

Navigating the Rapids

Navigating the whitewater challenges of building a marriage is a lot like shooting the rapids. Developing skills for the devil shoals of life will make a big difference in how you handle what may be waiting just around the next bend in your relationship. Over the years weve taught thousands of couples how to develop these skills and how to put new energy, excitement, and romance into their relationship by having focused, fun dates. In the following pages youll not only learn new skills that will help you in the future but youll also discover just how fun dating your spouse can be.

Think about some of your past great dates. We bet they involved adventure and maybe even some risk. One of our most exciting dates was flying over the glaciers and ice fields of the Alaskan Kenai Peninsula in a small, six-seater twin-engine Cessna. Certainly this was one date neither of us ever considered! Some call it flight-seeing; I (Claudia) renamed it fright-seeing.

While dating is a habit weve had for years, we never know where we will end up on a date. Our flight-seeing date started when our friend Eileen asked us, How would you like to experience a great date in Alaska? Being an adventurous couple, we responded, Wow! How do we sign up?

The next thing we knew, we were on a plane headed to Anchorage, Alaska. Of course there was a catch while in Alaska we agreed to lead several marriage and family seminars. Thats where we met another dating couple, Kyle and Ashley, who had found our book several years ago, and told us their story.

After a lackluster first ten years of marriage, we both agreed we needed to jazz up our relationship, Kyle said, but we werent sure how to go about it.

Thats when I found your book, Ashley said. Kyle wasnt so sure dating would help us he was the original reluctant spouse. But after some friendly persuasion, he agreed to try.

Kyle nodded. I was hesitant for sure, he said. Wed tried working through other marriage manuals but it didnt help much. Im a teacher, and the last thing I wanted was more assignments and work. But I have to admit, these dates were different they were fun, and we picked up some new skills that pushed our relationship a couple of notches higher.