Bijlani Ramesh - The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate with Flying Colours

Arpita Lal

Starting with Lady Shri Ram College, Delhi University, where the foundations of her studies in psychology were laid, Arpita Lal went on to do an MPhil in clinical psychology from the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore. She later did her PhD in the field of couple and family therapy at the Ohio State University, USA. She has worked for more than two years as a mental health therapist in the US.

Ramesh Bijlani

Educated at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), New Delhi, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), Cambridge, USA, Ramesh Bijlani went on to become Professor and Head of the Department of Physiology at AIIMS. After he established a mindbody medicine facility at AIIMS in 2000, he started counselling patients using a psycho-spiritual approach. He has fourteen published books to his credit.

The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate with Flying Colours elucidates how marriage, companionship and sexuality present individuals, couples and families with some difficult life challenges in a transitional society. In tune with the Indian social context, the authors deal with the issues in depth from a contemporary psychosocial and also a timeless spiritual perspective, and yet maintain a lucidity that will help every reader preparing for marriage and partnership to attain their highest potential. The text, interspersed with case illustrations and pithy quotes, is eminently readable. The message is upbeat that most marital issues can be solved with open communication, love and some (spiritual) wisdom.

Pratap Sharan, MD
Professor, Department of Psychiatry
All India Institute of Medical Sciences
New Delhi, India

The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate with Flying Colours walks the reader through various phases of life and discusses the issue of marriage and marital relationship using case vignettes and a very balanced discussion of the same. The science is generously complemented with culture, tradition, and importantly, common sense. A must read for every person who wants to understand marriage and companionship.

Dr Raju Lakshmana MD, FRANZCP
Senior Lecturer in Psychiatry
University of Melbourne
Melbourne, Australia

The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate with Flying Colours attempts to provide a complete handbook on marriage, starting from courtship and selection of a partner, through various stages of married life, the impact of children and in-laws and even divorce. The authors have illustrated these different aspects through a number of case histories, and their analysis of these bring out well the dynamics in the marital relationship; also there are suggestions for remedial action.

The book examines mainly the problems faced by middle class educated couples, but the authors are to be lauded for the insights they bring into the present day Indian society, which is in transition and therefore highly conflicted; the pulls of the family and the need to individuate are well presented. The detailed discussion of problems faced by couples who are both working in adapting to each other, in dealing with joint families, in coping with parenting, and in dealing with crises, is very helpful.

Some inclusions, unusual for a handbook on marriage, are the issues of divorce, and of homosexuality, which are to be welcomed, and which are often overlooked.

All in all, a good and thought provoking book, which would be useful for all, whether married or unmarried.

Vatsala Sivasubramanian, MA
Senior Counsellor, New Delhi, India

The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate with Flying Colours aims at being a general treatise on both marriage and parentig, and at the same time it is rather specific to the South Asian cohort. Every stage of the marital cycle has been presented in context (evidence-based, cultural and psychosocial context). Case vignettes make each aspect that has been taken up more real and tangible. Most importantly, the book does not offer patronizing solutions; it encourages the readers to reflect on the material presented, allows them to be mindful of their own personal context, and provides enough evidence (without being overwhelming) to help the reader make an informed choice.

Viba Pavan Kumar, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Mental Health Services for Older Persons
Birmingham Solihull Mental Health Foundation Trust
(NHS), Birmingham, UK

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Copyright 2015 Arpita Lal & Ramesh Bijlani

The views and opinions expressed in this book are the authors own and the facts are as reported by them. They have been verified to the extent possible, and the publishers are not in any way liable for the same.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself which is your constitutional right the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN 978- 93-84544-71-3
ISBN 978-93-84544-73-7 (e-book)

Printed and bound at

Rajkamal Electric Press, Sonipat, Haryana (India)

To,

THE MOTHER

All in her pointed to a nobler kind.

Sri Aurobindo

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman, American comedian

The world is passing through a phase of rapid change. As a society, India is perhaps changing even faster than the rest of the world. The structure and dynamics of the Indian family have undergone a radical transformation over the last few decades. A variety of factors have contributed substantially to the phenomenon. To cite a few modernization at an unprecedented pace, geographic and upward social mobility, the growing number of working women, changing gender roles, and greater freedom and opportunity for boys and girls to study and work together, have all jolted the society out of its stable foundations, based on conventions that had changed little for centuries.