Foxworthy Jeff - Jeff Foxworthys complete redneck dictionary: all the words you thought you knew the meaning of

A LSO BY J EFF F OXWORTHY

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ACNE

abilities (-bil-t-z), n. and pron. a statement of charges for services rendered and subsequent action to be taken by a specified male person. I dont care if hes broke, Ma, the house paymentsabilitiesgot to pay.

accustom (-kes-tem), n. and v. to have verbally abused more than one person with profanity. Them kids kept swearin around Mamaw, soaccustomout.

acne (ak-n), v. and n. concerning a male persons behavior and the result of that behavior. Once again we took him to a fancy restaurant, and he didnt know how toacnemade a fool of himself.

acquire (-kwer), n. a group of singers, especially those who perform during religious ceremonies. She sings so pretty, she should joinacquire.

acquit (-kwit), n. and v. a personal declaration of resignation from an assigned task. You aint firin me, cuzacquit!

activist (akt-v-ist), v. and conj. to behave in a certain manner, particularly one based on another reality. She seduced me into signing that petition, and now sheactivistshe dont know me!

adequate (a-d-kwit), n. and v. to have acted with the intention of terminating ones condition of employment. Adequateif they hadnt given me a raise.

administer (at-mi-n-ster), adj. and n. a specific clergyman or agent of a government, as designated by the observer. I tell ya,administeris a good man.

afar (-fr), n. an object in the state of combustion. Theres no sense bein this coldlets buildafar.

ADEQUATE

AIRLINE

afford (-frd), n. an automobile manufactured by the motor company that produced the Model T. If I had the money for a car, Id want to buyafford.

Afghanistan (af-gan-is-stan), n. and v. to declare that a certain living organism of Afghani origin has the name Stanley. The Dalmatians called Jerry, but theAfghanistan.

agent (-jent), n. and v. to negate the importance of the length of a things existence. She may be eighty, but if Im drunk enough,agent make no difference to me.

airline (er-ln), adv. and v. concerning the location and dishonesty of the person being addressed or discussed. Dont sitairlineabout it, boy tell the truth!

Alaska (el-ask-), n. and v. to resolve to make an inquiry. If I wanna know where to find a polar bear,Alaskaguy who lives here.

Aleve (-lv), n. and v. to intend to vacate. SureAleve, bud soon as I finish off this six-pack.

alibi (al--b), n. and v. the predicted future purchases by a male named Albert, Alfred, or Alvin. We always invite Al, causealibidrinks for everybody.

allosaurus (a-le-sr-s), n. and v. to have been visually perceived by someone named Alice. I think my wifeallosaurusgo into that motel room together.

allowed (-la), adj. distinguished by an intense elevation of volume. Did you just hearallowednoise?

allure (-lr), n. an object used for enticement, with the intention of capturing prey. You want to catch a fish, you gotta useallure.

ALLURE

ANARCHIST

anaconda (an--kn-de), n. and v. to have swindled by gaining the confidence of the victim. I robbed a bank, stole a car,anacondaold lady out of her life savings.

anal (n-l), v. and pron. being inferior to what one expects. Enemasanaltheyre cracked up to be.

anarchist (an-r-kist), conj., n., and v. additionally, having pressed ones lips to anothers as an expression of affection or sensual desire. Anarchisther ma,anarchisther sister,anarchisther gramma,anarchisther other sister,anarchisther other other sister, and then her dad walked in and

annoys (-n