Outcalt - Before you say i do

A s a pastor, I have had many opportunities to counsel couples before marriage. I have helped them plan weddings big and small, guided them when one or both were having last-minute doubts, and sat beside them later at the reception.

But, in spite of the many weddings Ive seen and officiated at, I never lose sight of the fact that it is much more difficult to have a marriage than a wedding. Anyone can organize a wedding, but not everyone can have a long and happy marriage. A wedding takes planning. Marriage requires hard work. A wedding can be had for the cost of a cake and punch bowl. A good marriage cannot be purchased in any way.

Marriage is about two unique people who decide to form a unique relationship with each other. Even though there are millions of marriages, every one of them is unique in its composition, joy, expectation, stress, partnership, sadness, and love. It has been my observation that every marriage has to stand on the strength, resiliency, and love of the two individuals.

But how, if one is considering marriage, does one determine the true strengths and weaknesses of the loved one? Is there any way to plumb the depths of anothers mind and soul, to find out if, indeed, he or she is the right one to marry?

I think there is.

And it has to do with communication: namely, asking good questions and following up with focused listening. Good marriages thrive when couples communicate with each other through the broad spectrum of experiences and emotions, through all the pain, laughter, and stresses of a relationship. Great relationships happen when individuals learn to speak and listen to each other.

If you are considering marriage in the near future, my hope is that this book will help you to ask the right questions before you walk down the aisle. Asking good questions is the key to exploring a future marriage relationship.

The questions you will find in this book have been used by many couples during their courtship or engagement and are ones I have commonly asked in premarital counseling sessions. They are questions that can be asked in privacy, or, sometimes, in the company of others. They are designed to help you learn more about the person you want to marry.

No individual will need to ask all the questions in this book. But there are dozens of good questions on a variety of topics that can provoke some in-depth discussion with the one you love. With a little practice, the questions can be asked within the usual patterns of conversation you share with your partner. He or she may not even know that you are asking questions taken from a book. Or, you might opt to use this book as a mutual discussion tool.