Westen - Relationship repair: quizzes, exercises, advice & affirmations to mend any matter of the heart

RELATIONSHIP REPAIR

Quizzes, Exercises, Advice & Affirmations to Mend Any Matter of the Heart

by Robin Westen

STERLING, the Sterling logo, STERLING INNOVATION, and the Sterling Innovation logo are registered trademarks of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Published by Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
387 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016
2010 by Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.

Distributed in Canada by Sterling Publishing
c/o Canadian Manda Group, 165 Dufferin Street
Toronto, Ontario, Canada M6K 3H6
Distributed in the United Kingdom by GMC Distribution Services
Castle Place, 166 High Street, Lewes, East Sussex, England BN7 1XU
Distributed in Australia by Capricorn Link (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
P.O. Box 704, Windsor, NSW 2756, Australia

Printed in China
All rights reserved

Sterling ISBN 978-1-4027-7035-7

Design by Alicia Freile, Tango Media

For information about custom editions, special sales, premium and
corporate purchases, please contact Sterling Special Sales
Department at 800-805-5489 or specialsales@sterlingpublishing.com.

To the incomparable Heart Sutra

Contents

M y friend Clarice is vice president of a leading media corporation and as anyone would guess, a charming, self-sufficient, resourceful, and decisive woman. But when it comes to a three-year relationship with her partner, Stuart, she sways like a willow in the Caribbean breeze. I dont know if its worth keeping him around, she laments one day. The next? I cant live without the guy. Two days later, its, Were fighting all the time... Whats the point?

Well, one thing is for sure: Clarice isnt alone. Lots of us are angsting over our relationships. According to a study at the University of Utah, of 276 couples interviewed, almost one-third reported being unhappy with their relationship. And in another survey, four in ten American women admitted if they had to do it over againthey wouldnt. Yet, youre still hanging in there. What gives?

Just like most things in life, relationships are complicated. Biologically speaking, at the start, theres the unmistakable and unshakable endorphin rushthe release of a feel-good brain chemicalthat makes us literally blinded by love. Interestingly, when it comes to love at first sight, men are the most susceptible and spontaneous. Researchers found guys can fall in love after only 8.2 seconds; it takes women on average, five times longer. Still, regardless of sex, theres not much chance to reflect on whats turning us on. No matter how momentary a reaction, once were head over heels in love, we see nothing in front of us but a lifetime of hot sex, eye-to-eye contact, comforting support, and deep, endearing communication.

According to scientists, this romantic rush lasts approximately three months. Then theres the honeymoon period. Even if the initial jolt of endorphins has eased, were still entranced, or at least willing to suspend doubts. But between six months and a year later, most of us are haunted by these doubts. In fact, filled with them. Suddenly, Mr. Wonderful isnt such a good listener, takes us for granted, is too touchy or an insensitive lug, spends all his free time with friends or hangs around moping, is a know-it-all or too indecisive, cant get along with our family members, or panders, bullies, or quakes, forgets to put his socks away, leaves the bathroom mirror streaked, ignores our G-spot, overlooks Valentines Day... Well, the list of complaints goes on. We wonder whether its worth it. Should we stay together, or are the problems too damaging? Is it better to cut our losses now and split? Or can we salvage all the good stuff and work on whats souring the partnership?

Thats where Relationship Repair comes to the rescue.

Relationship Repair is a workbook, venting diary, healing guide, diagnostic tool, and inspirational manual. It takes participants through the different dynamics of their relationship, covering areas such as:

How much a couple knows about each other

Their compatibility as a couple

Their level of commitment

Their argument styles

Whether they can forgive past hurts

It also mines a duos weaknesses as well as enduring strengths, and it measures overall happiness. Through the use of quizzes, questionnaires, affirmations, and exercises, couples can discover where they come together and where they fall apart. It gives partners guidance on how to heal and keep their relationship healthy.

After each quiz is taken and scored, there is a pointed analysis, followed by advice on how to repair problems. Although the exercises are practical, there are no quick fixes; they require time and commitment. But heres the good news: Many relationships are worth saving. After all, how often do we really fall in love or think we do?

Relationship Repair is also packed with the latest research to support its program. It covers subjects like love at first sight, whether opposites really attract, why we fall in love with people who are unavailable, the most effective way to argue, as well as other research-based reports. Throughout the book, expert advice from leading authorities in the field of relationships is offered, and theres room at the end to write down your thoughts, ponder progress, and note areas that still need improvement. In addition, there are helpful affirmations to nurture the healing work and a checklist of key components all healthy relationships possess. Readers can use the checklist to acknowledge progress as their relationship evolves and improves. Included are quotes from wise minds to help inspire and lead couples in a new and more loving direction. The final section is a journal where you can write down your thoughts as your relationship grows and changes.

We can heal our relationships, but its important to use both our hearts and our minds in the process. Thats how Relationship Repair helps readers to become reasoned and rational as well as to exercise their heart muscles. For example, when your mind tells you to remember past hurts, listen to your heart and work on letting them go. When your mind tells you to hang on to the past, listen to your heart and work on forgiveness. Since carrying around old pain and anger only leads to anxiety and depression, readers receive tools on how to forgive and move on. The exercises throughout this book help release what is toxic and no longer needed. Ultimately, Relationship Repair brings participants to a stronger connection; renewed romance; and solid, sustainable love.

Whole and thriving relationships bring endless happiness and health to our lives. Countless studies show that people with healthy relationships possess a higher level of optimism and quantitatively less stress. There are proven ways to make relationships work. When readers follow the course in