Campbell - The Relate guide to sex and intimacy

Contents

PART ONE:
UNDERSTANDING SEX AND DESIRE

PART TWO:
SEXUAL COUPLEDOM

PART THREE:
OVERCOMING SEXUAL CHALLENGES

PART FOUR:
MAINTAINING AND IMPROVING YOUR SEX LIFE

Give your sexual self and your relationship an intimacy makeover

Sex and intimacy are what make couple relationships special and different. Our sex life can be wonderfully reassuring when it goes well, but we all have times in our lives and relationships when we dont feel so close, and sex isnt working or isnt happening.

The good news is that there is plenty you can do to turn things around and recapture the fading intimacy. Steering you through practical exercises, examples, quizzes and talking points, Cate Campbell takes a realistic look at modern relationships and shows you how to:

• Identify your sexual and intimacy needs
• Find new ways to express yourself sexually
• Understand and manage problems when they arise
• Improve sexual communication
• Relax, de-stress and enjoy your relationship
• Know how to make a good sex life even better

Whatever the stage of your life or relationship, this book will inspire and enable you to take control, develop relationship intimacy and sustain a satisfying sex life.

Cate Campbell began her career as a nurse, moving into nursing journalism and becoming editor of Nursing Mirror and Nursing magazines before joining Relate as a couple counsellor. Following further training and experience as a psychosexual counsellor and relationship specialist, Cate is now a Relate Institute lecturer as well as a highly experienced relationship therapist.

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

Epub ISBN: 9781473527485
Version 1.0

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing,
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road,
London SW1V 2SA

Vermilion is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com

Copyright Cate Campbell and Relate 2015

Cate Campbell and Relate have asserted their right to be identified as the authors of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

First published by Vermilion in 2015

www.eburypublishing.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9781785040078

We all have times in our lives when sex and intimacy are great and other times when either we arent interested or sex isnt so interesting. This isnt something most of us talk about. When we do, we start to measure our sex lives against other peoples and then either cant understand why our partner is so dissatisfied or feel there is something wrong with us.

This book will address what might be considered sexual problems and why they happen; it will also help you to celebrate your sexuality, discover or enhance your sexual self and maintain a comfortable level of intimacy within your relationship. It will equip you to manage sexual and intimacy matters not just now but in the future, anticipating circumstances and relationship issues that you may encounter as your life together evolves so you will never be unprepared.

Though fictitious, the case examples included are typical of Relates real clients. Exercises, quizzes and talking points feature throughout to help you make the most of the information. Though the chapters build on each other as the book progresses, you can easily dip in and out to find the information you need.

The first part of the book, and how you express your sexuality. Whether you have ever wished you felt sexier or are already entirely comfortable with your sexual expression, this will help you to enjoy, enhance and maintain the expression of your sexual self.

explains why those early days cant be recaptured. The challenges involved in developing a more settled, deeper and lasting bond are examined, along with how we develop as individuals without relying too much on the affirmation of our partner.

Lasting solutions may need a bit of work, however, as the longer we know each other the more powerfully our sexual scripts can kick in, as the next chapter, about sex and intimacy, as well as the way we behave and think. This can create misunderstanding and hurt if you each have different ways of expressing yourselves or different understandings about your behaviour. Ways to overcome this and to be more comfortable with your individual sexual styles is discussed in depth, along with some ideas about how to manage your feelings and behaviour when you encounter differences or misunderstandings.

How the uniqueness of the relationship combines with the sexual dramas we enact is considered in the final chapter of this section, . If your relationship is relatively new, there is advice on how to combine the excitement, novelty and apprehension to make the early days of your relationship a solid base on which to build your sexual future and to identify and overcome early problems. There are some very practical ideas and exercises on how to create or rebuild a strong sensual and sexual relationship and how to overcome the anxiety associated with high personal expectations for sexual accomplishment or even just wanting to please your partner.

Part Three, , provides the ideas you need to keep your relationship fresh in spite of the real-life pressures everyone encounters as life progresses. Whether the pressure is to do with finding time for yourselves as a couple amid the stresses of work, family and finance, or dismissing bad habits, there are plenty of realistic ideas about how to develop your relationship and sexual connection positively despite the pressures you are bound to experience.

The section begins with a look at and how it affects feelings about yourself and your capacity to be sexually expressive. Both men and women experience concerns about the way they look and how that makes them feel, and our comfort with ourselves changes at different points in our lives. This section looks in particular at concerns about nudity and genital appearance. Reassuring explanation of how genitals look and function will help you to reacquaint yourself with your body.

, discusses what happens when you discover something unknown about your partners sexual behaviour, such as infidelity, cross-dressing, fetishes, internet pornography and cybersex. Even minor secrets may feel like an infidelity or betrayal, affecting your sense of yourself, as well as changing the way you see the relationship. Even when what you discover is something that can be embraced and incorporated into the relationship, adjustment can be challenging. Acknowledging that there is no helpful template for reactions in these circumstances, this chapter will discuss how to manage the situation, when outside help is necessary and how you can reunite sexually after the discovery of a sexual secret.