Ph.D. Susan Campbell - Five-Minute Relationship Repair: Quickly Heal Upsets, Deepen Intimacy, and Use Differences to Strengthen Love

Praise for Five-Minute Relationship Repair

This wise and practical book brilliantly addresses the core issues that need attention in order for couples and individuals to create deeply fulfilling relationships. Through vivid examples, incisive commentary, and helpful exercises, the authors take us on a journey that leads toward a richer understanding of ourselves and others. Incorporating attachment theory and the latest discoveries in neuroscience, this book offers an astonishingly clear path toward the love and intimacy we long for.

John Amodeo, PhD, author of Dancing with Fire

This book, written for both singles and couples, shows us how to approach differences with openhearted listening and vulnerable truth-telling. It presents a step-by-step process for using any relationship conflict as a doorway to deeper intimacy and expanded awareness. It is readable and entertaining as well as extremely practical. Readers are given worksheets that teach them exactly what to say and do when someone gets emotionally triggered or reactive. If you read and work with the practices offered here, you have everything you need to create a secure, lasting bond with your partner.

Jack Canfield, coauthor of The Success Principles and Chicken Soup for the Couples Soul

Five-Minute Relationship Repair should be of help to anyone wishing to repair an ailing relationship. Using the case of a typical couple in trouble as their starting point, John Grey and Susan Campbell walk you through a sequential set of techniques based on neuroscience and attachment theory. With decades of experience behind them, Grey and Campbell are highly intelligent, creative forces in the field of science and relationships. Their work here is inventive, inspiring, and well worth the read.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships

Praise for Saying Whats Real by Susan Campbell

Campbell takes on the task of letting ones guard down and clearly expressing thoughts and feelings. She explains how many people do not discuss difficult topics with others to avoid a conflict, a practice that builds walls and resentment....An excellent primer for all public libraries.

Library Journal

Saying Whats Real will unequivocally help you to discover your true reality so that you can say what you really feel, want, and believe.

John Bradshaw, author of Creating Love

Praise for Getting Real by Susan Campbell

Honest. To the point. Helpful. Basic. Intimacy 101. A primer for living.

Sam Keen, author of Hymns to an Unknown God

Integrity is the key issue in relationships, politics, and business. Susan Campbells penetrating new book shows exactly how to put the power of absolute honesty to work in your life. We recommend it highly.

Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD, and Gay Hendricks, PhD, authors of Conscious Loving

An H J Kramer book

published in a joint venture with

New World Library

Copyright 2015 by Susan Campbell and John Grey

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The material in this book is intended for education. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given nor liability taken.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Campbell, Susan M., date.

Five-minute relationship repair : quickly heal upsets, deepen intimacy, and use differences to strengthen love / Susan Campbell & John Grey.

pages cm

Published in a joint venture with New World Library.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-932073-71-3 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN 978-1-932073-72-0 (ebook)

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Interpersonal conflict. 4. CouplesPsychology. I. Grey, John, date. II. Title.

First printing, February 2015

ISBN 978-1-932073-71-3

Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

F ALLING IN LOVE IS THE EASY PART . Staying in love is another matter. Some couples seem blessed with everlasting love. Then theres the rest of us who start running into trouble once the honeymoon is over. We encounter differences, disagreements, disappointments. Buttons get pushed. We watch helplessly as loving feelings start to fade in the face of misunderstandings, blowups, shutdowns, or vicious communication cycles.

What do couples blessed with ongoing happiness know that we dont know? In a word, they know how to repair. They are good at quickly attending to the little glitches that every relationship encounters. Those of us who do not naturally know how to do this suffer a buildup over time of unrepaired ruptures. Eventually this buildup leads to feeling unsafe or guarded with each other. And we find ourselves feeling less intimate, less relaxed, and often more alone.

This gradual erosion of loving feelings is extremely common so common that it could be considered normal. But what if there were another path you could take with your partner? What if you knew how to repair upsets skillfully and quickly? What if you could learn to approach relationship ruptures in a way that deepens intimacy and makes you feel more secure? The ability to repair like this is a skill you can learn. And once you learn this skill, you can do it in five minutes!

This book teaches you a step-by-step process that addresses the root causes of the frustrations and hurts that get triggered in a relationship. You will learn how to use any upset as a doorway to mutual healing and deeper trust. If you are currently in a relationship, you can immediately put these tools into practice with your partner. If you are single, you can use them to heal wounds from past relationships and prepare yourself for a successful loving partnership. Partnered or not, you can use these tools to improve communication with all the significant people in your life.