Mark Goulston - The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship

Compassionately connect with, steadfastly believe in, practically advise and never gi ve up. That is how I try to work with couples who come to me for counseling. I never would have known how to do thisand therefore could not have written this bookhad it not been for my first mentor, the late Dr. William MacNary, Dean of Students at the Boston University School of Medicine. After Dean MacNarys death, his shoes were filled by Al Dorskind, whose generous, wise and trusted guidance continues even now.

Other guiding lights whose influence made this book possible include Drs. Edwin Shneidman, Judd Marmor, Robert Stoller and Herbert Linden. Thanks to the lessons I learned from these wise and caring professionals, I have been fortunate enough to earn the trust of patients who come to me with their pain, fear, confusion and discouragement.

Thanks are also due to my business partner, Laura Dawn Lewis, CEO and founder of CouplesCompany.com, where we are committed to helping relationships grow and flourish, rather than wither and die. I am also grateful to Dr. Ronald Dozoretz, Elliot Gerson, John Bringenberg, Michael Bollini, Diane Powell and Lisa DeMille at Lifescape.com; Time-Warners ParentTime. com, and ivillage.com, for the encouragement and freedom that helped me to further hone my experience on relationships.

As Bette Midler sang: You gotta have friends. This book (and this author) greatly benefited from the support of friends (and family friends), whom I also want to thank, that include A. Raymond Tye, Tom Brennan, Kevin Thranow, Walter Anderson, Kate White, Billy Pittard, Felice Willat, Paul and Sarah Edwards, Jane Applegate, Mark and Mia Silverman, and Preston and Vicki Johnson.

This book would never have been possible without the efforts of my trusted coauthor and friend, Philip Goldberg. The balance of anecdotes, insights and exercises, as well as the entire structure of this book, were all due to his skill and persistence. I cannot thank him enough for making me appear wiser than I really am. Our work together was marked by what could be called the Six Secrets of a Lasting Collaboration: (intellectual) chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy.

Phil, in turn, would like to personally thank Fanny Levy for her editorial assistance; his parents, Ann and Archie, for modeling a marriage that only death could end; and Lori Deutsch for her indispensable practical help, her unflagging faith, and her devotion.

We would both like to thank our agent, Lynn Franklin, and our publisher and editor, John Duff. Their confidence, patience and deft input helped to guide this book from inception to completion. They served as wise and protective shepherds, guiding us through a minefield of challenges.

My eternal gratitude goes out to my family: my mother, Ruth, and my late father, Irving; my brothers, Noel and Robert, and their wives, Mary and Angela for their love, interest and enthusiasm for this undertaking; my brother-in-law Michael Stotsky; and above all my wife, Lisa, and our children, Lauren, Emily and Billy. They kept me honest every step of the way, ensuring that I practiced what I preached and preached what I practiced. I cant thank them enough for their patience and understanding during the course of this project, which time after time stole from them my undivided attention and some of my participation in their lives.

Finally I want to acknowledge you, the reader, for acquiring this book; trusting me to help you in an area as personal as your intimate relationships; and inspiring me to continue my journey to discover additional ways to help and serve.