Harvard Business Review - Taking Care of Yourself (HBR Working Parents Series)

Taking Care of Yourself

HBR WORKING PARENTS SERIES

Tips, stories, and strategies for the job that never ends.

The HBR Working Parents Series supports readers as they anticipate challenges, learn how to advocate for themselves more effectively, juggle their impossible schedules, and find fulfillment at home and at work.

From classic issues such as work-life balance and making time for yourself to thorny challenges such as managing an urgent family crisis and the impact of parenting on your career, this series features the practical tips, strategies, and research you need to beand feelmore effective at home and at work. Whether youre up with a newborn or touring universities with your teen, weve got what you need to make working parenthood work for you.

Books in the series include:

Advice for Working Dads

Advice for Working Moms

Communicating Better with Everyone

Getting It All Done

Managing Your Career

Taking Care of Yourself

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Cataloging-in-Publication data is forthcoming.

ISBN: 978-1-63369-978-6

eISBN: 978-1-63369-973-1

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CONTENTS

Why its important to take care of yourself.

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

To care for your children, you need to care for yourself.

by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Theyre just as likely to put everyone else first.

by Alyssa F. Westring and Stewart D. Friedman

Organize your time around whats important to you.

by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Tiny changes to your routine can make a big difference.

by Amy Jen Su

An exercise to identify unnecessary tasks.

by Kate Northrup

With yourself, at work, and at home.

by Joseph Grenny and Brittney Maxfield

Signal your family commitments to your coworkers.

by Scott Behson

Tips for a calm, thoughtful discussion.

by Jackie Coleman

Get the support you need.

by Heidi Grant

Practice self-compassionand acceptance.

by Art Markman

Replenish your energy.

by Monique Valcour

Its OK to drop the ball sometimes.

by Alice Boyes

During coffee, meal prep, or your commute.

by Michelle Gale

It decreases stress and increases self-efficacy.

by Russell Clayton

Every little bit counts.

by Nick Crocker

Habits to follow when it feels like you dont have the time.

by Amie M. Gordon and Christopher M. Barnes

Dont be a martyr.

by Tim Sullivan

They let you relax, learn, and connect with others.

by Scott Behson

Spend time together through shared experiences.

by Neal J. Roese and Kyle S. H. Dobson

Take a break from the day-to-day.

by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Unplug, be present, and have fun.

by Alexander Caillet, Jeremy Hirshberg, and Stefano Petti

Test it for a month. See how you feel.

by Stewart D. Friedman

INTRODUCTION

Self-Care and the Working Parent

by Daisy Dowling

D o you struggle with how to balance work and family? Are you always on in one form or another, whether its logging in to work, caring for your kids, or handling one of the many other assorted things on your to-do list? How do you take care of yourself while doing so?

As an executive coach who specializes in working parent hood, Ive counseled hundreds of men and women on effective ways to combine children and career. Just like you, my clients are all hard workers and unassailably devoted to their families. All go to extraordinary lengths to do well at work while really being there for their kids, in every sense of the term. Most of them have something else in common, too: a deep sense of uncertainty and unease about also looking after themselves.

If this sounds familiar, its worth asking yourself whether its taking a toll on your well-being. To find out, read over the statements belowall ones I commonly hear from men and women in varying careers and family structures, and at all different phases of working parenthoodand see if they strike a chord:

• Of course Im tired. Between work and the kids, its impossible to turn off or get any real rest.
• When I do take a break, all I can think about is my to-do list. Its a million miles long, and no matter how many items I cross off of it, it never gets any shorter.
• I used to exercise/meditate/give back to my community/spend time with friends, but I dont have time for that now.
• My productivity isnt anywhere near what it used to be. Maybe that new calendar or organizational system will help... or maybe I just need to push myself more.
• Sure, Id love a break. But I cant skip work and ignore the kids to spend the day at the spa.
• I worry about the wheels coming off the bus. What if I lose it on the jobor at home? Ive got to find some way to get a grip.

Comments like these come from a place of diligence and love, of deep and genuine desire to do the right thing. What working parent worth their salt hasnt felt as if they should be doing better at work, spending more time with their toddler, or staying more fully available for the kids during the critical teenage years? If you recognize yourself in these voices, its evidence that your working-parent instincts are good, conscientious ones.

Those instincts, though, can also have a downside. They can lead you to overthink things, to overwork, and eventually neglect the one most important element in making working parenthood work for the long term: you. That, of course, feels lousy, and it also makes working parenthood harder. Its already tough to deliver your best on-the-job performance and show up as the loving parent you want to be each day, but its even tougher when youre also tired and completely run down. Think about it this way: Would you ever counsel a friend and fellow parent to ignore their own needs for sleep, downtime, and human connection and urge them to just work harder? Would you expect that approach to yield great results? If not, why use that approach yourself?