Harvard Business Review - Advice for Working Dads (HBR Working Parents Series)

HBR Press Quantity Sales Discounts

Harvard Business Review Press titles are available at significant quantity discounts when purchased in bulk for client gifts, sales promotions, and premiums. Special editions, including books with corporate logos, customized covers, and letters from the company or CEO printed in the front matter, as well as excerpts of existing books, can also be created in large quantities for special needs.

For details and discount information for both print and ebook formats, contact .

Copyright 2021 Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation

All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher. Requests for permission should be directed to permissions , or mailed to Permissions, Harvard Business School Publishing, 60 Harvard Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02163.

The web addresses referenced in this book were live and correct at the time of the books publication but may be subject to change.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Harvard Business Review Press, issuing body.

Title: Advice for working dads.

Other titles: HBR working parents series.

Description: Boston, Massachusetts : Harvard Business Review Press, [2021] | Series: Working parents | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020054278 (print) | LCCN (ebook) | ISBN 9781647821012 (paperback) | ISBN 9781647821029 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Fatherhood. | Fathers--Employment. | Parenting. | Work-life balance. | Sex discrimination in employment. | Sex discrimination against men.

Classification: LCC HQ756 .A363 2021 (print) | LCC HQ756 (ebook) | DDC 306.874/2--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020054278

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020455395

ISBN: 978-1-64782-101-2
eISBN: 978-1-64782-102-9

The paper used in this publication meets the requirements of the American National Standard for Permanence of Paper for Publications and Documents in Libraries and Archives Z39.48-1992

CONTENTS

Dads shouldnt go it alone at work.

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

Are you traditional, egalitarian, or conflicted?

by Brad Harrington

We need to be the change we wish to see.

by Scott Behson

Rule #1: No work calls when your wife is in labor.

by Tim Allen

How men get penalized for straying from masculine norms.

by David M. Mayer

Start with an honest assessment of whats working and what isnt.

by Haley Swenson, Eve Rodsky, David G. Smith, and W. Brad Johnson

Paths to consider to be a more present father.

by Scott Behson

Update your life story at home and at work.

by Bruce Feiler

Know your rights and have a plan.

by Rebecca Knight

Push for change together.

by Han-Son Lee and Hugh Wilson

Understand the organizations culture before you come on board.

by Suzanne Brown

Plan your reentry before your exit.

by Whitney Johnson and Roger Johnson

...

Being present for the little things matters.

by James Sudakow

Routine and rituals are essential.

by Mark McCartney

Have open discussions about the roles you will play.

by Jackie Coleman and John Coleman

Small adjustments can benefit your work, home, community, and yourself.

by Stewart D. Friedman

Fathers feel as much work-life conflict as working mothers.

by Alyssa F. Westring and Stewart D. Friedman

Dont fool yourselfdads need friendship and peer support.

by Scott Behson

Choose quality of time with your children over quantity.

by Stewart D. Friedman

Without adding more to your plate.

by Sabina Nawaz

When was the last time you checked in on your kids priorities?

by Amy Jen Su

It all comes down to your values.

by Stewart D. Friedman and Alyssa F. Westring

You never know what the future holds.

by Dan Pallotta

INTRODUCTION

Starting a New Conversation

by Daisy Dowling

W ere about to change the rules of the working-dad game. To get startedand given that you picked up this book in the first placeIm going to make a few guesses about who you are and what youre grappling with.

First, youre a smart, hardworking man who wants to get ahead. You spend a good percentage of your waking time either actually working or thinking about how to do well on the job. And youre ambitious: With all the sweat equity youre putting into your career, you want it to amount to something.

Second, you love your childor children, or future childrencompletely and want nothing but the best for them. That means staying connected and close to them and remaining a central figure, or the central figure, in their lives as they grow up. You dont want to only provide for your kids, but be there for them, in every sense of the term.

Third, and on top of all your ambition and your incredible commitment to the kids, you also want to travel, exercise, see old buddies, volunteer, watch good movies, spend time on your hobbies, or some combination: In other words, you want to be yourself and not fall into the all-too-common but unpleasant trap of being 100% defined by your job, caretaking, and task list.

Fourth, and finally, Ill also guess you dont have many, if any, people to model yourself after or talk with in an all-cards-on-the-table kind of way when it comes to how to be a successful, satisfied working dadin other words, to doing all three of the above at the same time.

Sure, there are other guys out there, and even ones you know or work closely with, who are trying to pull off the same career-kids-self hat trick that you are, but maybe theres not much discussion about fathers as parents at your workplace, and you worry that raising the topic could make you look unambitious or wimpy or even unprofessional. Maybe you admire the senior leaders in your organization and want to hold roles like theirs one day, but its hard to see yourself in them as a dad who wants to be involved in his kids daily lives. (Its almost as if some of them live in an alternate, kid-free universe; have they