Gregory K. Popcak - Parenting with Grace: Catholic Parent’s Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids

The Scripture citations used in this work are taken from the Catholic Edition of the
Revised Standard Version of the Bible (RSV), copyright 1965 and 1966 by the Division
of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the united
States of America. used by permission. All rights reserved.

English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for the united States of
America copyright 1994, united States Catholic Conference, Inc. Libreria
Editrice Vaticana. English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Modifications from the Editio Typica copyright 1997, united States Catholic
Conference, Inc. Librria Editrice Vaticana.

Unless noted differently, quotations from papal and other Vatican documents copyright
2010 Libreria Editrice Vaticana. the excerpt from Gravissimum Educationis on page 86 is
from Vatican Council II: The Conciliar and Post Conciliar Documents, new revised edition,
edited by Austin Flannery, O.P., copyright 1992, Costello Publishing Company, Inc.,
Northport, NY, and is used by permission of the publisher, all rights reserved.

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Copyright 2010 by Gregory K. Popcak and Lisa Popcak. Published 2010.

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ISBN: 978-1-59276-685-7 (Inventory No. T964)

LCCN: 99-75099

Cover design: Jacqueline Lams
Cover photo: Lori Fowlkes
Interior design: Sherri L. Hoffman

P RINTED IN THE U NITED S TATES OF A MERICA

Contents

Foreword

By Dr. Bill and Martha Sears

We are honored to be asked to write a foreword for this edition of Parenting with Grace. We are in love with this book. Of course, we are in love with all things Catholic, and for good reason. Though we both were raised and educated as Catholics, we have been away from the Church for 37 years until a year and a half ago. On March 11, 2008, we made our way home.

We left the Church in the early 70s, looking for spiritual fulfillment elsewhere because our own Catholic faith hadnt matured enough to weather the storms of young adulthood, early marriage, and parenthood. Away from not only the Church but away from God, too, we got pretty beaten up our marriage almost ended because we were looking for God in all the wrong places. Only our love for our two boys kept us together; that, and the Holy Spirit in the form of the dictum Marriage is forever. We sealed our recommitment to each other by having our third child, another boy. We got him baptized in a Catholic church just in case its all true, but then we moved away to a place where the local church didnt inspire us.

Still searching for God (somehow we missed Him, growing up in families that were struggling in their own ways to understand grace), we stumbled onto the Gospel message in another denomination. The message of salvation for the asking was like water in a parched desert, and it took root and grew into a 30-year personal relationship with Jesus. By this time we had our fourth child (you may know her as The Fussy Baby), and we were happy to know that we had our spiritual lives in order. Our faith grew stronger with each child eight eventually and then with two major health crises that came along: colon cancer for Bill and a 10-year struggle with depression and anxiety for Martha. As we recovered from these trials, we learned some important lessons about mental and physical health, and our book count escalated. Then, just when we thought life couldnt be fuller or better, we were invited to go with a friend to the Holy Land with a bunch of Catholics!

There we were in the Holy Land, attending daily Mass and seeing Catholics whose faith had matured through the storms of life, believing what they said Amen to. We were drawn irresistibly back to the Eucharist; now, two years later, we have never been happier spiritually. Our marriage, good as it was before, has never been better. Weve had many aha moments in these past two years, learning all over again what it means to be Catholic. And one very big aha came as we read this book.

It seems that all weve been writing about attachment parenting fits right into not only Gods design for babies, but also into a uniquely Catholic concept: that of self-donation, something Pope John Paul II wrote about extensively. We started seeing the term self-donation in books about the Theology of the Bodyan odd-sounding term at first, but one that makes perfect sense when you think about it. This is exactly what we have experienced as we have come back to the sacraments: God reaching out to us and giving us His very Self in the Eucharist and in Reconciliation. No wonder we are so happy we are being attachment-parented by God!

And now we are reading in Parenting with Grace about the Catholic vision of the family as a self-donative community of love. We are seeing so much more than just the scriptural basis for attachment parenting; we are seeing the spiritual basis for it, and for all of family life. Since we have come back to our Catholic Faith through this amazing reversion experience of Gods grace, we have seen not only our individual lives and our marriage revitalized, but our family life, too. The Theology of the Body is truly a gift from God (who would ever have thought that a pope would know so much about this?), and what the Popcaks show us from that body of work about parenting is so important. And now there is new information on the effect of attachment on the developing brain: Science (Thomas Aquinass On Human Nature, they point out) is showing, over and over, that attachment-based parenting practices and positive discipline really are what is best and most effective for the child.

One final thought from Martha: Her aunt, Mary Bea, was a religious sister of the Sacred Heart order, a teacher/librarian. Those times when she visited us, she made many observations that affirmed our parenting practices. Sr. Mary Bea always did her best to convey that loving guidance was what our children needed. This helped us see that we were on the right track, and it gave Martha the affirmation she needed from this respected Auntie. Looking back and seeing those memories in the light of Parenting with Grace, we see that Catholic teaching really did inform us all those many years ago, despite what our own rearing had been, and we can thank Holy Mother Church for being our inspiration and our saving grace all along the way.

We wish you many blessings.

DR. BILL AND MARTHA SEARS
Authors of the Sears Parenting Library

Preface to the First Edition

By Fr. Val J. Peter, J.C.D., S.T.D.

A few short months ago, I celebrated my fortieth anniversary as a priest. One of the things the Lord promised me four decades ago was that if I left my mother, father, brothers, and sister and followed the Lord, I would have hundreds of children. I trusted He would be ever faithful to His promises. How could I ever have dreamed that so many years later I would be the father to so many kids at Boys Town? I feel like our father Abraham.