Maggie McReynolds - Un-Settling: How to Help Your Kids by Making and Modeling an Amazing Life After Divorce

In Un-Settling , Maggie McReynolds gives voice to what needs to be validated for newly divorced women who likely suffer in silence. She has written from the wisdom of her own experience and shared her soul in this refreshing, vulnerable account. Along with useful strategies and life-changing wisdom, this book is the best support and a grounding read for anyone who has ever doubted and struggled with their decision to divorce and cope with life after divorce.

Im honored to completely recommend this book to my patients, friends, and anyone who has experienced divorce.

Dr. Denise Morett

Licensed Psychologist and best-selling author of LIFELINE: A Parents Guide to Coping with a Childs Serious or Life-Threatening Medical Issue. parentingchildwithmedicalissues.com/

I found Un-Settling a breath of fresh air. As a child of a good divorce in the 70s (my parents co-parented, easily attended functions togethermy mom and stepmom even road tripped together to visit my sister and me at college)I still know how easy it can be for a divorced mom to doubt her decisions and worry about her childrens well-being. Maggie McReynolds has clearly experienced the pain, angst and guilt of a divorcing parent but her own experiences as well as that of her clients weaves a narrative that uplifts and empowers anyone who is walking down that path. We often are told to let go of our past but more importantly, Un-Settling guides the reader to create and step into the best life she can imagine. And in the end, perhaps that is the most amazing gift we can give our children after all.

Gina Catalano

Coach and author of Tandem Leadership: How Your #2 Can Make You #1

Un-Settling is a must-read for any divorced mom worrying about her kids. By weaving together stories of her past, her present life, and the successes of her clients, Maggie draws the reader in and paints a compelling picture of how the Un-Settling process helps divorced moms and their kids find meaningful happiness and abundance. As she points out, we arent born to settlebut settling can and often does set in post-divorce. Maggies guidance and exercises are perfect for the mom who wants to model what living a full, Un-Settling life looks like for her children. An entertaining and informative read, with easy-to-understand action steps and a game-changing take on life after divorce.

Cassie Parks

Money Manifestation Expert www.manifest10k.com/

What a wonderful book for those who are divorcing and unwilling to settle for a less-than life. With sections such as Creating a New Us and The Art of Self-Forgiveness, this book reads like a good friend telling you how she not only how she got through her divorce, but how she got through it well . Bravo!

Robin Rice

Social Change Artist and author of A Hundred Ways to Sunday www.robinrice.com/

Breakups are never fun, and even less so when children are involved. Maggie McReynolds removes a lot of the agony by sharing the stories of how she and her clients have navigated marital change with hope, courage and a big dose of positive self-talk. This book is a must have for moms at any point in the separation and divorce process.

Mara Linaberger

Author of HELP! My Child Hates School: An Awakened Parents Guide to Action www.maralinaberger.com

Maggie McReynolds

NEW YORK

LONDONNASHVILLEMELBOURNEVANCOUVER

Un-Settling

How to Help Your Kids by Making and Modeling an Amazing Life After Divorce

2018 Maggie McReynolds

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in New York, New York, by Morgan James Publishing in partnership with Difference Press. Morgan James is a trademark of Morgan James, LLC.

www.MorganJamesPublishing.com

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ISBN 9781683507413 paperback

ISBN 9781683507420 eBook

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017913310

Cover Design by:

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Interior Design by:

Chris Treccani

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For my mom, an Un-Settling Woman who was smart enough to cut her losses and brave enough to kick free

It had been almost three months since the divorce was final, and once again she was awake and restless in the small hours of the morning.

She dragged her laptop onto the bed. She Googled age kids disconnect and found neither comfort nor consensus. She Googled single mom work-life balance and realized shed already clicked through the first 45 links that came up. She Googled how long after divorce until life feels normal, afraid to even look at the answer.

She Googled charter schools, day spas, therapists, and summer camps. Finally, after a long space of time in which she realized she was just zoning out and staring dully at the screen, she moved the cursor to the search bar and slowly typed, Help.

The Beatles didnt have the answer to the real question that was keeping her up at night:

How could she make sure her kids were going to be okay?

N ot so long ago, this was basically me. My ex and I had chosen to end our marriage because we were both spent, exhausted by trying to hold still and settle for a pale echo of what wed once had. The tipping point, for us, was the realization of what we were modeling for our son: that this was what marriage was, sleeping in separate rooms, arguing late at night, avoiding each other during the day. We both wanted better, not just for ourselves, but also for him.

That belief in some undefined better sustained me as I leapt into the unknown. But even though I had both the hope and intention of building a happy new normal for me and my son, I was unprepared for my anxiety levels shooting off the charts. In that first year, I worried almost constantly about whether my son was struggling at school, if he was making friends, and about whether hed be able to form lasting, positive relationships, let alone get married himself. Was he crying himself to sleep, or, worse, waking up and crying, alone, in the middle of the night? Was the divorce an emotional wound that would scar him for life?

I cant tell you how many divorced moms Ive worked with who tell me this is pretty much exactly what swirls through their heads when they cant sleep. We are worry machines, stuck in the on position. Google is our go-to, our late-night frenemy. It never seems to have quite the answers we seekbut that doesnt stop us from trying, night after restless night.

I staved off some of the initial anxiety after my ex moved out by staying in near-constant motion. I redecorated the master bedroom, gutted the master bath, repainted my sons bedroom, and directed a crew of subcontractors to fix all the things my handy but overworked and distractible ex-husband had always meant to get around to fixing, but didnt. You probably did some of this, too. Do you remember the first thing you bought that you knew your ex would have hated? (I found it weirdly exhilarating.)