Kevin Leman - What a Difference a Daddy Makes: The Lasting Imprint a Dad Leaves on His Daughters Life

What a
Difference a
Daddy
Makes

What a
Difference a
Daddy
Makes

The Indelible Imprint a Dad
Leaves on His Daughters Life

Dr. Kevin Leman

Copyright 2000 by Dr. Kevin Leman

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Scripture quotations are from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Leman, Kevin.
What a difference a daddy makes / Kevin Leman.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-8407-3449-2
1. Fathers and daughters. 2. ParentingUnited States. 3. Fathers and daughtersReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

HQ755.85.L447 2000
306.8742dc21

99-022184
CIP

Printed in the United States of America
1 2 3 4 5 6 BVG 05 04 03 02 01 00

Dedication

This book is affectionately dedicated to my four daughtersHolly LemanCampbell, Kristin Leman OReilly, Hannah Elizabeth Leman, and LaurenBeth Leman. It is a privilege, an awesome responsibility, and a great joy tobe your dad. What a difference each of you has made in my life!

It is also dedicated to my son, Kevin Anderson Leman II, an awesomeartist who has such a creative sense of humor. Kevin, you are great... andsomeday you will be famous! My wish and prayer for you is that somedayyoull have the privilege of being a dad. Youll be a great one.

I love you all very much!

Contents

Section One
The Daddy Difference

CHAPTER 1
The Missing Ingredient

Please, please, please, please,please, Shirli Hunt practically prayed. Dont sing anything patriotic.

Unfortunately, thats exactly what the teacher was planning to do.

The year was 1935. A new wave of Americanism was spreading across the land, and, like so many people in that moment in history, Shirli Hunts father was passionately patriotic.

Shirli, you should be very proud to be an American, her father told her.

Shortly before World War II, a pro-Hitler German had walked into a barber shop Shirlis dad frequented and started praising the Third Reich. Shirlis dad leapt out of the barber chairshaving cream still covering half of his faceand pushed the man up against the wall. If you dont believe in America, you can leave, he half shouted, but youre not going to stand here and talk against this country.

Whenever a song was playedon the wireless or at public outingsand America was even mentioned, Shirlis father insisted that the entire Wingham family stand to show their respect. They could be in the middle of dinner with guests, but if a song came on the radio in the background (In those days, people had the radio going all the time, Shirli remembers), Shirlis entire family pushed back their chairs and stood.

Thats what led to Shirlis desperate plea. At the time, she was attending middle school, and her teacher was leading the class in several folk songs: Ive Been Working on the Railroad, Flow Gently, Sweet Afton, Oh! Susanna.

So far, so good.

Then the teacher announced, Lets sing America, the Beautiful.

Shirli felt like she was going to melt in her seat.

I sat for one stanza thinking, I dont have to get up because my dad isnthere; hell never know.

After all, she was sitting in the front row. Everybody could see her, and the last thing a thirteen-year-old girl wants is to be embarrassed.

But the pressure became too great. Shirli could see her fathers face, and she could hear his forceful words: When you walk out that door, youwalk out representing the Wingham family, and dont you forget it!

Suddenly, a room full of seventh graders paled in comparison to the shadow of that forceful, loving man. As the class broke into the second stanza, Shirli rose on weak knees and wobbled to her feet. She just couldnt help herself.

After the song, Shirlis actions created a bit of discussion. One of the boys argued with the teacher, Shirli didnt have to stand. We werent singing The Star-Spangled Banner.

Oh yes, I did have to stand, Shirli shot right back. You dont know my father.

Sixty years later, Shirlis eyes still glisten as she looks back on that incident and explains, My relationship as that mans daughter was one of honor. As young as I was, I honored him because he was such a trustworthy man. Above all, I didnt want to disappoint him.

If you ever wondered how much impact a father can have on a daughter, I urge you to travel to Bellingham, Washington, and look into the eyes of Shirli Hunt. The decades havent even begun to dim her passionate respect, love, and honor for the man who raised her.

In all my years of practice and of speaking to literally millions of people through radio and television and at seminars, one fact has impressed me as much as anything else: Fathers leave an indelible imprint on the lives of their daughters. They shape their daughters in ways so profound that many women live with unwritten rules theyve never thought to question. These rules were ingrained into them so deeply, many women dont realize that though they may graduate from college, get married, and even give birth to a half-dozen males, theyll still never stop being Daddys girl.

A womans relationship with her father, more than any other relationship, is going to affect her relationships with all other males in her lifeher bosses, coworkers, subordinates, sons, husband, brothers, pastors, college professors, and even Hollywood movie stars. (You tell me if a woman chooses Dennis Rodman over Michael Jordan, and Ill give you an accurate picture of her father!) Theres not a single relationship that isnt indelibly stampedfor good or for illby the man known as Daddy.

Though this book is written primarily for men, I know a number of women will pick it up just to see what we men are talking about. If you are one of these women, I think youll discover the depth of one mans imprint on your life. By understanding the father-daughter bond, youll be able to help repair a damaged heart or strengthen the blessings of a healthy relationship. Youll gain new insight into your marriage and become a better mother to your boys.

For the men, well, guys, allow me to let you in on a little secret: You have no idea how much you can improve your love life simply by being a good parent to your wifes daughters. Whenever I tell inspiring father-daughter stories during my seminars, I am treated to a loud and spontaneous feminine ahhh.

Women just cant get enough of these father-daughter stories, and most men dont realize what theyre missing by not paying more attention to their little girls. If you want a sexually eager wife, take your daughter on a date. You may be follicly challenged, with just a few strands of hair desperately clinging to a shining crown. You may carry enough extra pounds to keep a hot air balloon on the ground (all by yourself)! But if you show appropriate love and affection to your daughter, I guarantee you that your wife will find herself sighing, Im so glad I married that man. (And she may even think up some very creative ways to tell you that.)

The father-daughter relationship is the key to every womans aching heart. Its the genesis of every grown womans sighs. Its also, unfortunately, the missing ingredient in many lost souls.