Mark E. Crawford - When Two Become Three: Nurturing Your Marriage After Baby Arrives

Every couple needs to soak up every page.

Dr. Tim Clinton, president, American Association of
Christian Counselors; author, Turn Your Life Around

We all want to be well-prepared for a coming baby, but what about after the baby arrives? Dr. Crawford walks you through this family transition time with ease and grace, giving practical and useful help.

Linda S. Mintle, PhD, PureMedia Group, Inc.;
author, Divorce Proofing Your Marriage

When my son and his wife were expecting their first child, I said to him: You have no idea how a baby will change your life. How I wish I could have simply handed him this book by my respected friend and colleague. I know this subject has been on Marks heart for a long time, and I am delighted to see his passion to help couples preserve and nurture their marriage, while joining the fraternity of parenthood, in print. I can say unreservedly that it should go on the must read list for every couple expecting a baby, and it will also be a valuable resource for those who have already found themselves treading water while trying to survive the transition from couple to parent.

Freda V. Crews, DMin, PhD, licensed professional counselor;
host, Time for Hope TV talk show

With joy and anticipation, couples go to great lengths to prepare for their new roles and responsibilities as parents. Unfortunately, theyre often blindsided by the enormous impact that the birth of a baby inevitably has on their marital relationship. In his book When Two Become Three, Dr. Mark Crawford reveals the problems and pitfalls that can threaten even the strongest and most loving relationship. With a compassionate, common-sense approach, Dr. Crawford shows couples how to make the challenging transition from partners to parents and offers them practical ways to nurture the love and intimacy that brought them together in the first place. When Two Become Three is an invaluable tool for new parents who want to give their children and their spouses the greatest gift of all: the gift of a happy, healthy marriage.

Rallie McAllister, MD, MPH, MSEH;
author and nationally syndicated columnist for Your Health

When Two Become Three contains rock-solid, practical advice for both new and experienced parents. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a strong, healthy marriage that lasts a lifetime. Mark Crawford shows you how in this wonderful book. If your goal is to maintain a strong, intimate marriage as you raise your family, then consider this book required reading!

Tommy Newberry, author,
The 4:8 Principle and Success Is Not an Accident

When Two
Become Three

When Two
Become Three

Nurturing Your Marriage
After Baby Arrives

Mark E. Crawford, PhD

2007 by Mark E. Crawford

Published by Fleming H. Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Crawford, Mark E.
When two become three : nurturing your marriage after baby arrives / Mark E. Crawford.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 10: 0-8007-3191-3 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-8007-3191-5 (pbk.)
1. Marriage. 2. Parenthood. 3. ParentsPsychology. 4. SpousesPsychology. 5. Parent and infant. I. Title.
HQ734.C885 2007
646.7'8dc22 2007005483

Several vignettes of couples and excerpts of sessions from the authors practice are used throughout this text to help illustrate points. While the vignettes are real, all names used in these examples are fictitious. Additionally, specific identifying information, such as occupations, has been changed to protect the confidentiality of individuals.

To my parents, Edward and Joan Crawford,
who celebrated fifty years of marriage on October 5, 2006.
Happy Anniversary!
I am proud of you both, and I love you very much.

Contents

A strong case can be made that becoming a parent is one of lifes most exciting and life-changing experiences. No job is more important, and no task as potentially rewarding and fulfilling as raising a child. Research shows that 90 percent of married couples ultimately have children together. Studies of couples also tell us that anticipating children is an exciting time, and most couples believe that becoming a parent will add a great deal of joy and meaning to their lives. Most parents eagerly anticipate the journey into parenthood and read books and even attend classes to prepare them for their new role. Whether you plan for years to have children or the stork arrives at your doorstep with little warning, expanding your family from a happy couple to a family of three or more is a joyous and exciting transition. And whether your first experience as parents is with one baby, twins, triplets, or even more, the principles contained in this book will be applicable for you. Of course, parents of multiple births face unique challenges in terms of childcare. But in every case there is, however, one major aspect of this transition that new parents do not anticipate and sufficiently prepare for: the impact of children on the marital relationship. Revising an old saying: First comes love, then comes marriage, then... you dont send me flowers anymore!

Having children is wonderful and can, indeed, add joy and meaning to your life unlike any other experience. However, it is important to understand how your relationship with your spouse is likely to change as well. Several studies indicate that having children can, in fact, be a stressful transition and can actually result in increased conflict for a couple and a decrease in overall marital satisfaction. If you and your spouse prepare for the changes, you can avoid some of the problems that many couples face and continue to grow closer to one another than ever before as you transition into parenthood.

I have written this book to help you with the transition to parenthood. Specifically, this book will help you identify the common challenges to your relationship that typically accompany the metamorphosis from partner to parent. If you desire to keep your relationship strong, loving, and intimate as you raise your children, this book is for you. I am a clinical psychologist with over seventeen years of experience working with families. I am also a husband who is very much in love with my wife and the proud father of two wonderful boys. The content of this book is based on several well-designed scientific studies of couples along with my professional experience as a practicing psychologist and my personal experience as a husband and father. It is my hope that through reading this book you will learn how to protect your marriage from the inevitable challenges of parenting.