John C. Maxwell - Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know

N URTURING THE
L EADER W ITHIN Y OUR
C HILD

What Every Parent Needs to Know

TIM ELMORE

2001 by Tim Elmore

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Scripture quotations are from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION of the Bible. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

2002 by Don Colbert

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
All Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version unless otherwise designated. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Elmore, Tim
Nurturing the leader within your child : what every parent needs to know / Tim Elmore.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-7852-6614-3
1. Child rearing. 2. Parenting. 3. Parent and child. 4. Leadership in children. I. Title.
HQ769 .E5646 2001
649.1dc21 2001052181

Printed in the United States of America

3 4 5 6 7 BVG 06 05 04 03 02

Dedicated to my two favorite emerging leaders:
Bethany and Jonathan

CONTENTS

Part 1
What You Need to Know

Part 2
What They Need to Know

Part 3
When to Seize the Moment

Part 4
How to Pass It On

WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND AND COLLEAGUE Tim Elmore asked me to write the foreword to this book, I began reflecting on our relationship, and I was startled to realize that I have known Tim for almost two decades. From the moment that I first met Tim, I knew he was special. As a new staff pastor not long out of school himself, he ran the ministry for college students at the church I led, and he was highly effective and influential. There was a reason for that. Tim has many good qualities: he is a tenacious learner; he is a wonderful communicator; and he is the best colleague Ive ever had when it comes to teaching from the Bible. But his greatest strength even back then was that he believed that he could change the world. He still believes it, and his work with EQUIP on dozens of college campuses and in countries around the globe bears that out.

Tims desire to change the world is what prompted him to write Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child. He knows that the way to make a better future is to impact the next generation of leaders, to give them a head start in their leadership and help them avoid some difficult pitfalls.

Tim has been passing on leadership teaching to students for almost two decades, and I often think that he now teaches leadership better than I do!

One of my great joys is watching as Tim and his wife, Pam, raise their children. He is doing a wonderful job with them, and of course leadership lessons are a big part of what he does. Next to their relationship with God, leadership is the most important factor in our childrens ability to impact the world. Everything rises and falls on that.

There are no guarantees in life. I was very fortunate. I grew up in the home of a great leader, my father, Melvin Maxwell, so I know what kind of impact good leadership development can have on children and their future. I would not be a leader today if it werent for my parents. However, I also know that in life, almost anything can happen. I have seen good parents with bad kids and bad parents with good kids. But heres the bottom line:

Our children stand a better chance of developing to their potential if we practice good leadership and teach it to them.

If you want to give your kids the best chance for success, mentor them in leadership, and practice the principles in this book. We may not be able to choose our ancestors, but we can attempt to shape our descendants. If we encourage our children to stand on our shoulders, they will certainly see farther than we have.

John C. Maxwell
Founder, the INJOY Group
2001

YOU AND IWHO FOR SO LONG WERE KIDSare now adults. And now we have kids! Perhaps we arent ready for this. Its scary. Some of us secretly feel like kids who have kids. What is our problem? Why are we uneasy? Do you feel unprepared to be an adequate parent? Like me, do you see potential in your children, but feel you dont have all the resources to help them develop their leadership potential? You may feel a little lost. I have found this scenario to be common across the country. Heres what I hear parents saying:

I see great gifts inside my child; I just wish I knew how to draw them out.

I want to be a good parent, but I dont think Im a good leadership model.

This generation thinks so differently than the one in which I grew up.

Im not sure how to teach leadership to my children.

Im so busy I dont know when Id have time to talk about leadership with my kid.

My child wont sit through a leadership conference.

I want my kid to have a head start on life, and work, and career, but...

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IVE FOUND!

I am not an expert in parenting, and this is not just another parenting book. This book is about developing the leadership potential in your child. I will fill the role of a reporter. Reporters gather information, interview people, investigate, and present information. Reporters dont have all the answersbut they know where to find them.

I am also a practitioner. Each year I have the undeserved privilege of teaching leadership and character values to more than thirty thousand students. Their ages range from five to twenty-four years old, kids from kindergarten to college. Theyre called the millennial generation. I love them and have learned a great deal from and about them. Some of this information Im going to share with you.

In addition, I am also the parent of two millennial generation kids, Bethany and Jonathan. I love them, too. My wife and I long for them to experience everything they need to positively influence their world as they grow up. Thats what leadership ispeople who influence others in their world. And we can help our kids learn to do this well. I am determined to give my kids all the tools they need to be leaders, to influence others positively in their world.

Like you, I share the feelings most parents have as they raise their children. Apprehension. Fear. Overwhelming responsibility. Lack of time. When our children were younger, my wife, Pam, and I worked to explain the answers to their questions. When they still didnt understand after long discourses, we found ourselves saying to them, No, you dont get it. Then, we would proceed down another path to help them understand. Recently, my eight-year-old son, Jonathan, attempted to explain something going on at school to me. This time, I had several questions. When I continued to probe, he retorted: No, Dad, you dont get it. Touch. The tables have been turned.

The fact is, sometimes I dont get it. I am guilty of making snap judgments and sizing things up too quickly. This doesnt work successfully with kids. Working with students is an adventure; every day brings some new challenge. We cant presume we understand everything based on first impressions. And it begins the moment they are born. Thomas Hutzler relates a story about a father who learned this the hard way: