Tina Nocera - Parents Ask, Experts Answer: Nurturing Happy, Healthy Children

Contents

Chapter 1:
Daily Dilemmas:
Eating, Sleeping, and Potty Problems

QUESTION
My two-year-old daughter will sit with us at the table and eatusually. Should I have her eat if she doesnt want to? Should I force her to try new foods? Should I make her sit there until her plate is clean or until shes eaten two bites of peas? If she asks to leave the table before her father and I are finished eating, do I let her?

QUESTION
My toddler wont eat the same food as the rest of the family. How can I deal with that?

QUESTION
I have been trying to get my three-year-old daughter to eat what we are serving for dinner rather than make special meals for her. With much coaxing, she will usually try what we are having, but she then gags and spits it out. I tell her that this is our meal, and she usually goes to bed without eating much. In the morning, she is starving and begging for breakfast. I do try to serve at least one thing she likes at each meal and fit in things she likes throughout the week, such as spaghetti or sloppy joes, but how can I get her to broaden her food horizons so we can have a wider menu?

QUESTION
How do I address the issue and importance of nutrition to my son and daughter-in-law without appearing meddlesome? When our grandson is with us, he seems to eat all the time, so Im not even sure that is the problem. He is sixteen months old and is still wearing clothing that fits nine-month-olds. His parents are slightly below average in size themselves. In the last four months, our grandson has grown one inch and has gained one pound. The doctor said she wont be very concerned unless she doesnt see a growth spurt by his second birthday. Im not sure they should wait that long to see if there is a problem. Other than his size, he is developing wellwalking, speech, coordination, and so on. Should we be concerned?

QUESTION
How do I keep my toddler from eating junk food at other peoples houses?

QUESTION
My first grader wont go to sleep at a decent hour, and my childs teacher says hes always tired at school. What should I do?

QUESTION
My son is two years old. Hes never been afraid of the dark, but today he got scared all of a sudden after seeing his shadow in a dim room. He couldnt stop crying out that there were monsters. His behavior and cries of Monsters, mommy, monsters! kept on throughout our bedtime routine. Can you offer advice on how to handle this?

QUESTION
How do you get a toddler to sleep in his own bed?

QUESTION
I have a bright and beautiful four-year-old daughter. She is very shy and cautious about everything she does. She is apprehensive about trying new things, and she does everything at a very slow pace. This is very frustrating, and my husband loses patience with this. How can I get him to calm down and her to speed up?

QUESTION
My son, who has just turned five, has still been having potty accidents. I recently made him a chart, and it has been helping, but now his preschool teacher has suggested he might have ADD. Lately, I have been analyzing his every move, and I worry that he does have it. He still acts like a toddler and gets into things. He also does well with puzzles and playing by himself, which I heard is a red flag. I always thought he was just active like my older son, who also doesnt sit still. How do I know if this is just his personality or if I need to have him checked for ADD?

QUESTION
My daughter is four years old and has no desire to be potty trained. Ive tried taking away her toys, bribing her with things she wants, making her sit on the potty for long periods of time, and so on. Ive been working on this for almost two years! I dont know what else to do.
She does pretty well with pee-peeing in the potty but has yet to poo-poo in the potty. Also, she tries to hold her bowel movements, which just ends up making her constipated. Im at my wits end. Id like to think that she will just do it when she is ready, but Im beginning to wonder.

QUESTION
My four-and-a-half-year-old son has been having potty accidents for more than a year. He poops in his pants and is constantly soiling himself. Its become very upsetting and frustrating. I have tried reward systems and reminding him to go. It also happens in preschool during the day, but not every day. I am at my wits end! I always have to bring a change of clothes for fear it will happen all the time. He doesnt seem embarrassed at all by this. Please let me know what else I can do!

Chapter 2:
Whining, Complaining, and Blaming

QUESTION
How do you get a four-year-old to stop whining?

QUESTION
I have a bright, five-year-old girl and a boy who is two and a half. I always find myself yelling when Im with my daughter. Shes always complaining and blaming others for any problems or mistakes. Is it really possible to calm down when my kids are driving me nuts?

QUESTION
I have a five-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She is very sulky all the time and tends to look at the negative side of things. It really drives me crazy, but most important,it seems to affect her trying new things or improving at things she knows. Her first reaction to new things is no. And when things dont go her way, her first reaction is anger. How can I encourage her to react to things in a more productive manner?

Chapter 3:
Friend Issues, Bullies, and Peer Pressure

QUESTION
During playtime, our two-year-old lets other kids bully her. If she is on a swing and another child tries to shove her off, she will immediately get down and let the other child sit. How can we teach her to stand up for herself?

QUESTION
My four-year-old daughter is not being treated fairly at preschool. She says that some of the kids are being mean to her. It is starting to affect her personality. I notice how much she has changed since starting at this school. I want to transfer her to a new school, but there is a waiting list. What do I do in the meantime? Should I keep her home until we find a new school or have her keep attending the present school hoping that things wont get worse? I am very confused as a parent. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and of course I want to do what makes her happy.

QUESTION
My daughter is four years old. She has a friend the same age whom she calls her best friend. My daughter follows this girl around like a puppy. The problem is that the best friend can be bossy. She often talks down to my daughter and will dump her to play with another child. Yesterday she told my daughter, Allysa and me talked it over, and you can play with us now. Even with this poor treatment, my daughter continue to wants to play almost exclusively with her best friend. How do I teach her that she should not accept treatment like this? Or will she learn this on her own? I want her to develop strong, positive self-esteem.

QUESTION
Should I step in when my four-year-old is arguing with his friends?

QUESTION
My four-year-old is being bossed around by a little girl at school. Though the teachers try to step in when they can, they told me he listens to everything she says. I really want my son to handle this. What can I say to help him deal with this?

QUESTION
My daughter is six years old. I have a friend who has a five-year-old daughter. My daughter is very outgoing and athletic. My friend is constantly putting her daughter in the same activities as my daughter so they can be together. The problem is that they argue constantly. My friend says they never argue when they are with her, but I know that is not true, because my daughter tells me differently. I really do not want my daughter and the five-year-old to continue to be around each other. The five-year-old whines and complains, and when she doesnt get her way, she tells my daughter that she is mean. She blames everything on my daughter and tattles about every minor thing. Now, I know my daughter is not perfect and sometimes she is to blame, but she is not a mean child. My daughter likes to joke around, and the five-year-old cannot deal with that. One day I took my daughter and the five-year-old to the mall, and my daughter and I were laughing. The five-year-old got so angry that she closed her ears and shouted in an angry voice, Stop laughing! I hate the sound of laughter! It sounds awful, but I truly cannot stand to be around this little girl. I would like to know why she might act this way, and I would also like to know how I can distance this girl from my daughter without hurting my friends feelings. Thank you so much for any advice you can give me.