Joe Navarro - Narcissists Among Us

NARCISSISTS AMONG US

Copyright 2012 JoeNavarro

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NARCISSISTS AMONGUS

BY JOE NAVARROM.A.

Narcissism is a term everyone has heard ofbut few people actually know what it really means. Most people havesome awareness that it comes to us from Greek mythology (Narcissusloved himself so much that he abandoned all pursuits, includingeating, in order to admire himself), but beyond that the meaning isvague. It is true Narcissism is associated with self-centeredness,haughtiness, and arrogance, but that is just a small part of it,for in fact Narcissists take a terrible toll on society.

Narcissistic individuals stand out becausethey have inflexible personality traits that make them irritatingat best and dangerous at worst. They believe themselves to bespecial, gifted, talented, superior, or deserving of specialtreatment, which compels them to treat others as inferior, orobjects to be used. They often seek to control or rule others, orto be in positions of superiority. With a high sense ofentitlement, the Narcissist often takes advantage of positions oftrust (e.g., finance, religion, governance) for his own benefit.Lacking empathy for others (a common Narcissistic trait), they comeacross as cold, calloused, or insensitive. Combined, these traitsmake for uncaring individuals who are at the core unethical and whoare only interested in themselves. That in a nutshell is aNarcissist they arent just infuriatingly self-absorbed they area dangerous.

Thirty plus years ago when I started in lawenforcement there wasnt much talk about Narcissists. Even today,when we know so much more about this pathology, it is hardlymentioned in the law enforcement arena. And yet when we look atindividuals who cause us the most harm day-to-day or even in ahistorical context, it has to be the Narcissist. I dont say thatcarelessly, but rather after much study and interaction with theseindividuals over a twenty-five year career in the FBI. When we lookat the priests who repeatedly violated children, convicted warcriminals at The Hague, psychologically abusive husbands, orincarcerated government officials, what we are looking at first andforemost are Narcissists.

As a criminal profiler in the FBI, I quicklylearned that Narcissists cause us harm on a much larger scale thanmost people realize: physically, psychologically, emotionally, evenfinancially. They destroy businesses, ruin reputations, hurt otherswith impunity, and are at their core unethical. They are harmfulprecisely because they often go undetected until it is too late.But there should be no question as to their ability to hurt otherseither directly or indirectly.

Does the name Bernard Bernie Madoff haveany significance to you? How about the late Leona Helmsley (Queenof the Palace fame)? Does Jeffrey Skilling (Enron fame) or L.Dennis Kozlowski (Tyco International fame) ring a bell? How aboutformer Illinois Governor, now incarcerated, Rod Blagojevich? Theseare all Narcissists and yet they were never called that even aftermaking the front pages of newspapers. They all had similar traits a sense of entitlement, the rules did not apply to them, and theonly people that mattered were themselves. If these individuals nolonger resonate with you it is because they have been replaced byyet another fresh batch of Narcissists who can easily be found onthe front page of a major newspaper today.

These unethical individuals join many otherfamous individuals in history who were also pathologicallyNarcissistic but who went beyond financial greed such as: SlobodanMiloevi (notorious Serbian leader), Pol Pot (famed leader ofCambodias killing fields), Adolf Hitler, Fidel Castro, TheodoreKaczynski (Unabomber), David Koresh (cult leader of BranchDavidians), Timothy McVeigh (Oklahoma Bomber), Jim Jones (cultleader Jonestown Guyana), Muammar Gaddafi (Libya), Manuel Noriega(machete wielding leader of Panama), and even the late Usama BinLaden (al-Qaida) to name a few. These are the Narcissists that makethe papers and the history books. Sadly, there are far moreNarcissists out there who never rise to public prominence orinfamy, who nevertheless ruin lives by other and varied means.

Prevalence

How prevalent are Narcissists? That dependson who you talk to. According to the clinical literature (DSMIV-TR) they account for 1% of the American population but may beseen as high as 12% in certain occupations such as politics,medicine, law, and in CEOs. So as few as one in a hundred or asmany perhaps as much as one in ten, depending on their occupationmay be afflicted with this disorder. What that translates into is asignificant number of people who are only thinking of themselves,who care only about their own interests, and who dont have a deepregard for others. These individuals are social or moral bulliesand you will interact with them everyday.

The problem with the research on Narcissistsand available statistics is that a lot of Narcissism goesundetected for a variety of reasons. It may be missed becauseNarcissism is more cloistered in certain professions or it is notdetected because it doesnt end up in the legal system or in aclinical or therapeutic setting. Which is why it matters more whata person is like, how they behave and comport themselves than howthey generalize over a total population. You may be the luckyperson to have just five of these individuals in your life, or noneat all. But if you have a pathological Narcissist as a primeminister, president, or national leaderthen one flawed individualis enough. That is exactly what happened to the Italian peopleunder Mussolini, a pompous Narcissist of the highest order in bothhis actions and demeanor. Millions of Italians died needlesslybecause of him and many more suffered tragic losses.

When we see politicians break the law,managers that treat employees as if they were chattel, or heads ofstate who engage in dangerously adventurous actions, we shouldimmediately recognize that what we are often actually seeing isNarcissism at work. People who only care about themselves at theexpense of others. This is why I wrote this book, to shed light ona phenomenon that most people are not aware of. These individualsare highly toxic, they are responsible for many crimes, and theharm they cause has no equal thats why it is important toidentify them early on be they criminals or national leaders, anew friend or your boss.

Because the Narcissist sees himself asspecial and entitled, he will act out in ways that, in time, willcause you undue pain and suffering. It is their torment that I wantyou to avoid.

Life is not television. We dont have acamera following us at all times recording what we experience sothat someone will come to our rescue. We are the only people thatcan rescue ourselves from the Narcissist. We dont have a policeofficer at our side to step in every time we have to deal with aNarcissist. Nor will you have a psychologist or a psychiatristholding your hand when you enter into a personal or businessrelationship with one of these individuals. They wont be therewhen the Narcissist scams you out of your money or devalues youincessantly. We know this just as surely as we know there was noone to warn the innocent about Jim Jones and the danger hisNarcissism posed before the Jonestown, Guyana mass suicide. Butwhat if they or their families knew what you are about to learn? Ithink knowledge can make a difference.