Jill Sherer Murray - Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go

Praise for Big Wild Love

If youre stuck in a dying or dead relationship but feel paralyzed to do anything about it, READ THIS BOOK! Epiphanies are all about taking action if you want to change your life, and Jill spells out ways for you to do that, making the process of figuring things out easier and faster. I wish Big Wild Love had been around when I had my must-leave-this-marriage epiphany!

Elise Ballard, author of Epiphany: True Stories of Sudden Insight to Inspire, Encourage, and Transform

Big Wild Love comes out at the perfect time: when women are rising up and realizing their own worth. Jills book is a how to of self-reflection and self-love and lessons in how to move to a point of freedom, action, and empowerment. Anyone who has been in a bad relationship or trying to figure out if theirs is fixable should read this book.

Anita Busch, journalist and victims rights advocate

Jill Sherer Murray takes you on the journey of letting go like your best girlfriend and pocket therapist all in one. Her fresh and candid look at relationships is full of vulnerability and heart as she teaches how to let go of the preceptsand sometimes the peoplethat hold us back from a big, wild love. This book will change the way you think about your life forever.

Jessica Rinker, author of Gloria Takes a Stand, and the forthcoming Send a Girl: The Brenda Berkman Story and The Dare Sisters

In the same way Glennon Doyle, Cheryl Strayed, and Elizabeth Gilbert lay their hearts bare, Jill Sherer Murray goes to the mat in her big, beautiful memoir come instruction manual. She teaches us not only how to let go of dead-end relationships and find the ones we long for, but offers us the tools to find and keep the most important relationship of all, that with ourselves. With wit and humor, she gives us a clear way to let go for it, embrace who we are, and invite healthy love into our lives.

Joy Stocke, author of Anatolian Days and Nights and Tree of Life: Turkish Home Cooking, and former publisher of WildRiverReview.com

Jill shares her journey towards self-love, which is unapologetically raw, real, and pure badassery. There is much to learn here for anyone who finds themselves at a painful crossroads, in need of advice on how to move forward from heartbreak.

Dr. Suzana Flores, author of Untamed: The Psychology of Marvels Wolverine

Big Wild Love is an amazing step-by-step guide for cultivating the inner love and wisdom you need to truly let go once and for all. Jill Sherer Murray shares her own powerful story of how the lessons within led her to the true love shed all but given up on, and so much more. A great resource and a great read!

V Capaldi, TEDx Speaker, wellness blogger

This book is a reality check cloaked in humor, strength, and triumph. It digs into the nit and grit so many of us feel about ourselves but are afraid to say out loud. Jill does it for us, lighting the way to a better and happier place. She gives us a roadmap for seeing our worth so we can finally have the Big Wild Love we deserve.

Stacey Honowitz, Supervisor Sex Crimes, TV analyst, and author

BIG WILD LOVE

Copyright 2020 Jill Sherer Murray

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2020

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-63152-852-1 pbk

ISBN: 978-1-63152-853-8 ebk

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019918235

For information, address:

She Writes Press

1569 Solano Ave #546

Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

Cover and interior design by Tabitha Lahr

All company and/or product names may be trade names, logos, trademarks, and/or registered trademarks and are the property of their respective owners.

Names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of certain individuals.

For the Big Wild Loves of my life:
my mom, Sandy; my dad, Owen; Hector;
and Dan, the biggest, wildest love of them all.

Falling in love with yourself first doesnt make you vain or selfish. It makes you indestructible.

Anonymous

T here I was, sitting on a strangers bathroom floor.

I hovered over their toilet, feeling like I had a knife in my stomach. I rubbed my eyes while the bathroom spun around me. I tried to hold it together unsuccessfully.

The ugly cry rose from my throat like a runaway train.

I tried to console myself. I reminded myself that it was OK to cry, that I was no Superwoman, even though, on the rare occasions on which Id allowed myself to step out of denial, Id thought I could handle this. Because, if Im to be honest, this moment of reckoning was always something Id anticipated and feared. Yet, like most hard truths, Id pushed this one so deep into my bones Id need a surgeon and a drill to get at it.

But here I was: curled in the fetal position on cold porcelain, swimming in a sea of desperate thoughts, free-falling into the deep end of disappointment.

I had asked my boyfriend, Hector, to look at a house with me that we would buy together. And just this morning, when Id reminded him about our noon appointment, hed said, Ill be there. He then jostled off to the gym. Ill admit he seemed less than enthusiastic. But I didnt care. Just talking about it had been the biggest step wed taken toward commitment in twelve years.

That is, up until he said, Ill be there.

But little did I know that his Ill be there was a lie that would turn into one of my lifes most defining moments.

And yet this certainly wasnt the first time Hector had promised to be somewhere for me and wasnt. Especially when I considered all the times he said he wanted to get married but wasnt ready. Or couldnt take that vacation or go to that party or visit family with me in Philadelphia because [insert reason].

Given all of this, I dont know why I was surprised when he promised to meet me and then didnt show up for the second time. He stood me up the first time, called to say hed meet me later, and stood me up again.

And so there I was. Clinging to the porcelain god. My tape measure, punch list, and rose-colored glasses at the bottom of the trash basket.

Back then, Hector was my world. Sure, I had a job, friends, and a golden retriever that alleviated some of the loneliness that came from having a noncommittal boyfriend. But Hector was my beginning, middle, and end. I could stay with him, even though it was now clear he would never fully commit. Or I could leave and take the biggest risk of my life. After all, who would want a woman in her forties? Could I even start over? Could I trust again?

I slapped my hands on the cold tile in an attempt to distract myself from the pain of what was happening.

You OK in there? Marilyn, both the realtor and my friend, knocked on the door.