Dave Carder - Torn Asunder

Section 3:
SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES

Appendix B:

T he following materials are presented here for use in support groups that help couples strengthen their marriages. In the group that meets at our church (First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, CA), known as New Foundation, the host couple reads the material below as a welcoming exercise to kick off each meeting. The Twelve Steps for Couples, along with the original Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, are presented for collateral use in such a group, or for the reader's own use.

In the opening dialogue, the 1 and 2 represent alternate readers (the husband is 1, the wife, 2) who serve as coordinators/hosts for the group. They alternate reading this material as a welcoming exercise for each meeting.

1. Hi, my name is _________________________________________

2. and my name is _________________________________________

This material was developed by David Osborne for use in New Foundation, a Twelve-Step couple support group at the First Evangelical Free Church, Fullerton, CA.

T WELVE S TEPS FOR C OUPLES

Step One We admitted we were powerless to change our spousethat our lives had become unmanageable. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out" (Romans 7:18 NIV).

Step Two Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13 NIV).

Step Three Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Godthis is your spiritual act of worship" (Romans 12:1 NIV).

Step Four Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. "Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord" (Lamentations 3:40 NIV).

Step Five Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16a NIV).

Step Six Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up" (James 4:10 NIV).

Step Seven Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 NIV).

Step Eight Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31 NIV).

Step Nine Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV).

Step Ten Continued to make personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" (1 Corinthians 10:12 NIV).

Step Eleven Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly" (Colossians 3:16a NIV).

Step Twelve Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

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The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous