Ulli Springett - Soulmate Relationships: How to find, keep and understand your perfect partner

Published by Hachette Digital

ISBN: 978-1-405-51338-8

Copyright 2003 Ulli Springett

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher.

Hachette Digital

Little, Brown Book Group

100 Victoria Embankment

London, EC4Y 0DY

www.hachette.co.uk

My deepest thanks to my Buddhist teachers Garchen Rinpoche and Rigdzin Shikpo. You taught me everything I needed to know to be happy. Many thanks to Jutta, Elke, Richard, Frank, Christine, Barbara and Juliane, who explored with me all the topics that make a romantic relationship into a happy one. Many thanks to Willi and Dorte Trienen for Buddhist and Taoist teachings. Thanks to all my clients who trusted me and were brave enough to put into practice what I suggested. A special thanks to Gabriele Schneider for ongoing good advice. And above all, thank you to my husband and soulmate Nigel.

Since this book was first published in 2003 many people have contacted me to thank me for the information it contains. They told me how the book has helped them to either find a wonderful soulmate or improve their existing relationship. As the author this is my greatest reward. I have also had many new clients who asked for my help with their existing relationships or in finding their partner. Through my work with these new clients I have continued to witness first-hand that the information within these pages is practical and achieves real results with real people. One of the most wonderful moments in my work is watching the way despondency and conflict can be transformed into the grounded experience of a loving relationship and I hope that many more people will be able to achieve this happiness.

My own parents divorced when I was fifteen, and from then on until the age of around twenty-seven I was a relationship cynic. I found marriage laughable, and only started to change my mind when more and more people in my life committed themselves to one special person, and I found myself increasingly alone. However, I still had to work through a huge amount of inappropriate attitudes and expectations before I would become deeply happy with my soulmate and husband Nigel.

Being a practising Buddhist has certainly helped me to realise this aim, as it brought home the basic truth that love is the only way to find real happiness. It also taught me about the law of karma, which says that we always get back what we give out. In addition to my Buddhist training I attended numerous courses on the secrets of Taoist sexual techniques, which taught the amazing possibilities of using sex for spiritual development.

I did, however, find that these Eastern spiritual teachings on their own, wonderful as they are, were not enough to enable me to understand all the intricate dynamics that occur in romantic and sexual relationships between men and women in the Western world. Unfortunately, Buddhism, like all Eastern religions, does not focus on soulmates and has not much to say about romantic relationships. In Buddhist countries people often still live in arranged marriages or as monks and nuns, and the Western ideal (and ensuing problems) of a relationship that should be fulfilling on all levels doesnt have a place in traditional Buddhist teachings. Taoist teachings and practices on sexual energy are extremely fascinating, but they dont deal with the more emotional and psychological dynamics between men and women. I thus found that I could use Buddhist and Taoist practices for my spiritual development in general, but that I needed additional teachings to fulfil my wish to find and keep a truly fulfilling soulmate relationship.

When I trained as a counsellor, I was particularly interested in systemic and family therapy. I found that it offered the missing link needed to integrate the highly spiritual ideals of love and compassion with what happens between real men and women in the 21st century. As time went on I began to understand more clearly what is necessary in order to live in a truly happy relationship, and I found myself more and more able to predict the outcomes of the relationships of the many people I knew. Of course, my predictions werent always appreciated, so I kept them mostly to myself. However, more often than not everything I had foreseen came true, and I used my insights to counsel people who were open to my help.

Romantic relationships can seem terribly complicated, particularly if you have a long line of unsuccessful liaisons behind you. But I found that there are four main dynamics that will almost guarantee a very happy relationship when fully understood and carefully put into practice. These dynamics are:

1. Commitment to love and to grow in love.

2. The law of an even deal.

3. Harmonious and erotic patterns between female and male energies.

4. The unavoidable merging process between two people.

Once you are able to recognise the working of these patterns in your own and other peoples relationships you will find it much easier to correct attitudes that lead to suffering, and to stick to behaviour which will bring lasting happiness.

This book has three parts. In the first part I explain the working of the four essential dynamics of a soulmate relationship and compare them with the typical dynamics of ordinary relationships, which so often end in boredom or divorce. By implementing these four dynamics in your existing relationship you can turn a dissatisfying and difficult partnership into a very fulfilling one. This will be relatively easy if you and your partner work together and try to find mutual ways of making changes.

However, if your partner is unwilling or unable to talk about your relationship you can make many of the changes on your own. In that way, your partner will not be able to carry on in the old ways, either. In many cases, this will be enough to bring in some important improvements.

Part two is for anybody who is not currently in a relationship and is looking to find a soulmate. It will guide you through the necessary steps required to find a person you can be truly happy with. I have observed that everyone who was successful in finding a soulmate has used these steps, be it consciously or unconsciously. They can therefore help you as well if you are serious about wanting a true soulmate relationship.

In the third part I explain in detail the stages every romantic relationship has to go through, as well as all the ingredients you need to stay deeply happy, inspired and passionate with your soulmate as the years go by. This section is useful for improving your existing relationship, or starting your new relationship in the best way possible.

In a book about soulmates I couldnt avoid writing about men, women, masculinity and femininity in general, and some of these generalisations might seem a bit bluntly carved. Some people might not find themselves in these descriptions at all. Dont be deterred by this, as these explanations are only meant to be typical examples. Obviously they are not true for everyone in all circumstances. They are also not meant to exclude gay and lesbian lovers. If you love people of your own sex, I suggest that every time you read man or woman you replace it with person with more masculine energy, or person with more feminine energy. In that way you can use everything in this book about men and women for your relationships as well.

Harmonious romantic relationships are extremely important because they are the starting point for peace the world over. Loving couples can produce loving families and loving families can produce peaceful societies. Bearing this high aim in mind, it is worth going through all the things that are necessary to overcome our personal obstacles to lasting love and happiness with our true soulmate.