Jennifer Culp - Dating Etiquette and Sexual Respect

Rejection isnt pleasant, but it happens to everyone. If someone doesnt want to go out with you, it doesnt mean that theres anything wrong with you, or with them!

HOW TO ANSWER

The first rule for responding to someone elses invitation to go out is the same as the first rule for asking someone out: be respectful.

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

The method for avoiding being a jerk is really simple. Actually doing it can be hard, though, because it requires restraint. Heres the big secret: think about what youre about to say or do before you say or do it.

Is your joke likely to hurt someone elses feelings? Will sharing that particular picture embarrass one of your friends? Then dont do it! And thats it. Thinking about your actions is the easiest and best way to avoid being a jerk. At some time or another we all realize weve accidentally acted like a jerk to someone. Just apologize. They might not accept your apology and it might not solve the problem you have created, but its one important step you can take toward not being a jerk.

Do you want to say yes? Say yes! Ask for any details you want to know about date plans. Feel free to say yes to the date itself but no to the activity if its something that makes you uncomfortable. For example, if youre terrified of horror films, dont go along with a date to a scary movie just because you want to go out with the boy who asked. Tell him yes, you do want to go out with him, but suggest another movie or activity. Only say yes when it feels comfortable. You are your own best advocate, so always pay attention to your gut feelings.

Do you want to say no? Say no! But do so kindly. Asking someone out takes a lot of courage, and someone who just asked you out has made him- or herself vulnerable to hurt feelings in hopes that youll want to spend time with them. You never owe anyone a date for any reason, and you should never say yes to someone you dont want to date. You dont owe any explanations or rationalization either. Dont lie to try to spare someones feelings, but take care to avoid being cruel. No, thank you, but Im not interested, is a perfectly adequate response. Remember: Respect is the rule, when turning down an invite and later when talking to your friends. Dont gossip about someone who asked you out behind his or her back.

Do you need some time before you answer? Thats totally fine. Thank you, I need some time to think about it, covers it. Do you need to ask your parents before you can say yes to a date? Be honest about it. Do you have to check and make sure you dont have plans with your friends that weekend? You dont have to have an answer ready immediately if someone asks you for a date, but you do owe them the courtesy of a yes or no answer eventually. Do not say maybe if what youre really trying to say is no. And if you take some time to think about it and your answer turns out to be no? Thats fine, but tell them: ghosting without giving a definite answer is mean.