Dr. Don Raunikar - Choosing Gods Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance

CHOOSING GODS BEST
published by Multnomah Books

1998 by Don Raunikar

Unless otherwise marked, Scripture quotations are from:
The Holy Bible, New International Version 1973, 1984 by International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House

Also quoted:
The Holy Bible, King James Version ( KJV )

The Living Bible ( TLB ) 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Holy Bible, New Century Version ( NCV ) 1991 by Word Publishing

The New Testament in Modern English, Revised Edition (Phillips)
1972 by J. B. Phillips
Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House Inc., New York.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Raunikar, Don.
Choosing Gods best/by Don Raunikar. p.cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-56865-6
1. Single peopleReligious life. 2. CourtshipReligious aspectsChristianity 3. Dating (Social customs)Religious aspectsChristianity.

I. Title.
BV4596.S5R38 1998 97-49264
241.6765dc21

v3.1_r2

To my heavenly Father for allowing me the privilege of being a conduit of Your love and wisdom to singles so that they might have a deeper, more intimate relationship with You. Thank You, Jesus, for guiding me in the writing of this book. I offer it for Your glory.

I want to express my deepest and sincerest gratitude to the following people:

To the countless people who have attended my singles seminars and sought my counsel. This book was inspired by your shared stories and intense pursuit for God.

To my friends and colleagues (too numerous to list, but you know who you are), who have prayed, provided feedback, encouragement and love throughout the whole process from idea to finished book.

To Matt Jacobson and the entire staff at Multnomah, who embraced the vision of biblical courtship and believed in this powerful message ministering to singles.

To Sue Jones for the countless hours of inspiration and godly wisdom in which you fine-tuned the concepts and ideas and made them into a manuscript.

To my parents, Fred and Eva, and my brother, Chuck, who exhibit Gods intimate love relationship in our family.

To my wife, Kimberley: words could never fully express my heartfelt thanks. Many times my passion for God has caused you to endure many unexpected trials and tribulations. You are the wife of my youth whom God has chosen as His best for me.

May God bless each one of you for all that you have given to me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

J EREMIAH 29:11

If dating is so wonderful, why does it hurt so much? Whether youre sixteen and single or seventy and single again, dating is much more likely to lead you to anxiety and disappointment than to your marriage partner. If thats the case, why do so many people keep at it? The ten most common answers are:

1. theyre lonesome;

2. theyre impatient;

3. they want to find a marriage partner;

4. they want to have fun and feel good;

5. they want to learn how to relate to the opposite sex;

6. their parents, peers, and the world tell them they should;

7. theyre determined to live life according to their own schedule, not Gods;

8. they want to develop social skills and emotional health;

9. they want to have certain needs met until a marriage partner is found;

10. they believe it will prepare them for marriage.

Even the secular world has started to admit there must be something wrong with a dating system that creates so much pain in peoples lives. Some of the best evidence of this is the astounding success of a book entitled The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. With some 900,000 copies in print, The Rules soared to No. 1 on the New York Times How-To Bestseller List in 1996. This little paperback lists thirty-five old-fashioned courting tips that essentially advise women to play hard to get: dont call him, dont see him more than once or twice a week, dont open up too fast, dont live with him before marriage. Why is this book such a phenomenal success? Because the rules work, and friends tell their friends, explains coauthor Ellen Fein, who has a Rules hotline, a monthly newsletter, twenty-five support groups nationwide, a movie deal, one or two seminars a week, and a personal consultation service.

But in fact, Fein and coauthor Sherrie Schneider were scooped by an even more popular book. God published His rules long before these two writers discovered old-fashioned courting tips. We might be even more surprised to learn that Fein and Schneiders motives for their rules are very similar to Gods motives for His rules: protection and guidance. God isnt out to spoil our fun. (Remember, He created our desire for companionship in the first place.) His purpose is to keep us from the pain, heartbreak, and disappointment that come from trying to satisfy our needs out of selfishness instead of godliness.

Fein and Schneider developed their rules by trying to solve the relational hurts and dating problems of their single friends. Ellen and I started telling our friends what we thought they were doing wrong, Schneider says. Eventually they put their advice in print. God did that thousands of years ago and called it the Bible. We talk casually about breaking Gods commandments, but the truth is that when we sin its not the rules that are broken. Its us.

Singles looking for an alternative to dating have usually already experienced the pain of a broken relationship firsthand, or know someone who has. Perhaps youve wanted to find your marriage partner according to Gods way, but failed. Or youve never fully understood what Gods way was. Or maybe youre a new Christian and this is one part of your life youve just recently decided to put in Gods hands.