John Friel - The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do...Plus One

What People Are Saying About
The 7 Best Things (Happy) Couples Do...

Think of your marriage as a gift-wrapped package thats just arrived in the mail. You rush to open it up and there it is, all laid out in front of you. But then you realize theres something missing: no instructions. This book contains all the instructions youll ever need. Theres wisdom on every page. I especially enjoyed chapter 8, The Rocks.

William Glasser, M.D.
author, Choice Theory
president, The William Glasser Institute,
Chatsworth, California

Family therapists Friel (The 7 Worst Things (Good) Parents Do) give tips for a healthy relationship. With their usual wit and incisiveness (and plenty of real-life examples from their years of clinical practice), the authors explain key psychological principles that underpin successful partnerships and also probe the unscientific element of magic that happy couples report. They describe how to avoid common pitfalls and nudge readers toward a better understanding about how early experiences influence romantic relationships. This is a useful resource for anyone in a relationshipbe it a healthy or an unhealthy one.

Publishers Weekly

Buy this book. After reading it, my wife and I had the best dialogue in our thirty-five years of marriage. The Friels show how it is only a matter of degree between awesome and awful relationships.

Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D.
Distinguished Professor, Governors State University author,
Time for a Better Marriage and Living Love

Superb! The Friels have captured the magic of marriage in the context of day-to-day experience. Built on a foundation of sharing and mutual respect, the book utilizes stories to draw a visual image of truly happy couples. An extremely valuable, practical and much needed resource for couples and relationship therapists!

Dr. Stan Huff
Professor of Counseling, Bradley University, Peoria, Illinois
twenty-year AAMFT clinical member and approved supervisor

It feels like the Friels have been listening in to our conversations for years! After nearly forty years of marriage, the most joy is in healing those old wounds, not ripping them open. The Friels continue to remind us about how complex good relationships truly areand how rewarding a marriage can be!

Nancy McIntyre
San Clemente, California

Finally! A book that goes right to the core of a couples intimacy. This is a remarkable bookcomplex, straightforward, fascinating and clear. I highly recommend it!

Lawrence Weiss, Ph.D.
director, Sanford Center for Aging, University of Nevada, Reno

This book is a must for couples who want to move from an average relationship into true relationship depth and happiness. The Friels have a gift for bringing to the forefront the important issues that keep us stuck. Knowing there is something missing, and how to change and grow with it are what this book is about. Thanks Friels keep on writing!

Peter Charad
Stenhousemuir, Scotland

The authors illustrate healthy relationships by sharing with their readers their own poetic love story and stories from their private practice. This book can serve as a springboard into major changes in how we approach our primary relationships. It can also serve as a gentle reminder of our best efforts or aspirations.

Cynthia Stange
Shoreview, Minnesota

A wonderful resource for couples. The Friels have pinpointed eight of the most crucial issues that go into making up a truly great relationship. Their practical suggestions, based on personal experience, research and clinical experience, are excellent. I highly recommend it.

Pat Love, Ed.D.
author, The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows
and How You Can Make It Last Forever

Some Surprising Things This Book Will
Teach You About Relationships...

Disappointment is a good thing for couples.

There is no such thing as common sense.

Feeling like hurting your partner is normal. Doing it is not okay.

Dating is a process of hurting and being hurt.

Having a lot of similar interests is not especially important in a really happy relationship.

Conflict is a good thing.

It is not possible to be deeply intimate if your goal is to always be nice.

Conflictespecially sexual conflictis good. It helps people grow.

We always pair up with emotional equalsyou are not healthier than your partner.

A relationship can only be as deep as the shallower of the two of you is able to go.

One hundred eighty degrees from sick is still sick.

You cant be married if youre not old enough to date.

Sexual passion does not leave a great relationship after seven years.

If you arent willing to divorce your partner, you probably wont have a truly happy relationship with him or her.

The parent you like best may be your biggest problem.

Many people in affairs need to become more like their spouse rather than having an affair.

The first child is more like the father, the second child like the mother, and the third child like the marital relationship.

The ability to be in awe of creation is absolutely essential in having a great relationship.

If you do everything for everyone else, but never take care of your own needs, no grown-up will want to be in a romantic relationship with you.

Fear, hurt, shame and loneliness are at the root of marital violence, but they are also at the root of marital bliss.

If you keep asking how your partner can change to make the relationship better, forget it. Nothing will ever get better.

7
THE
BEST
THINGS
(Happy)
COUPLES
DO

John C. Friel, Ph.D.
Linda D. Friel, M.A.

www.hcibooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Friel, John C., date.
The 7 best things (happy) couples do / John C. Friel, Linda D. Friel.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.

eISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9629-8 (ebook) eISBN-10: 0-7573-9629-1 (ebook)

1. Marriage. 2. Couples. 3. Love. 4. Man-woman relationships. I. Title: Seven best things (happy) couples do. II. Friel, Linda D. III. Title.

HQ734 .F768 2002
306.7dc21

2001051764

2002 John C. Friel and Linda D. Friel

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its Logos and Marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 33442-8190

R-11-06

Cover design by Lisa Camp
Inside book design by Dawn Grove

To Love

Other Books by the Authors

The 7 Worst Things (Good) Parents Do

The 7 Best Things (Smart) Teens Do

Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

An Adult Childs Guide to Whats Normal

The Grown-Up Man: Heroes, Healing, Honor, Hurt, Hope

Rescuing Your Spirit: When Third-Grade Morality Isnt Enough for Christians

The Soul of Adulthood: Opening the Doors

CONTENTS

3. List II: What Really Great Love
Does Not Look Like

Part II: There Is an Interesting Story
Behind Everything