Anderson - The emotionally absent mother : how to overcome your childhood neglect when you dont know where to start & meditations and affirmations to help you overcome childhood neglect

The first step to overcoming any problem is giving it a name. You might be wondering right now whether your mother was indeed emotionally absent. After all, it is natural to want to defend your mother against any accusations. But think of it this way: you are not learning about this issue to judge and condemn your mother. You are here to understand what happened in your early life and find ways to get past it. Here are some of the ways your mother might have exhibited her emotional distance.

Failed to Show You Affection

When you were a child, did your mother hug you? Did she tell you sincerely how much she loved you? Emotionally distant mothers do not seem to feel this connection as strongly and consequently do not give their children the affection they so deserve.

Denied You Her Time and Attention

An emotionally absent mother does not make room in her life to spend quality time with her children. She might have ignored you altogether or only paid attention to you when she needed something from you whenever you wanted to spend time with your mother, she was unavailable. Emotionally distant mothers often go so far as to leave their children on auto-pilot to take care of their own emotional needs and deepest desires.

Did Not Help You Deal with Emotional Hurts

In every childs life, there are times of emotional upset. These can be major emotional traumas like divorce or the death of a family member. Or, they can be small, everyday upsets like being made fun of on the playground or losing a favorite toy. Even these small emotional hurts are significant if you are left alone to deal with them over and over.

Placed Unreasonable Demands on You

Emotionally absent mothers often expect their children to take care of them in some way. Your mother might have expected you to listen to and even solve her adult problems. She might have relied on you for her emotional and physical well-being. She might have demanded that you take care of younger siblings when you were actually too young for such a responsibility. She might have tasked you with doing all the housework and cooking all the meals. In short, if your mother placed adult demands on you when you were a child, she was emotionally absent from your life.

Did Not Respect You as a Child

An emotionally distant mother does not see your value as a child. She might not have given you the opportunity to play in a carefree way. She might have acted like your feelings and needs were unimportant because you were not a grownup. She might have failed to appreciate that you could bring value to her life just by being her child.

Never Shared in Your Joys and Sorrows

An emotionally connected mother shows happiness when her child is happy and sadness when her child is emotionally hurt. This does not mean that your mother needed to become overwhelmed with your feelings, but a healthy mother will recognize those feelings and share in them to some extent. She might try to help you feel better or distract you from your pain, but she empathizes first. And when you are happy, she shows you how happy she is for you.