Allison Wes - The Taco cleanse : the tortilla-based diet proven to change your life

The TACO CLEANSE

THE TORTILLA-BASED DIET PROVEN TO

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

WES ALLISON
STEPHANIE BOGDANICH
MOLLY R. FRISINGER
JESSICA MORRIS

C leanses are the fucking worst. Theyre socially acceptable starvation disguised as health, and that is the fucking worst. Used largely as a tool to make women feel guilt about consuming real food and repent their eating sins, they demand you choke down lemon juice swirled with cayenne pepper and your tears so that you can lose those last five pounds. Screw those last five pounds; your body clearly wants the extra chub if the only way to get rid of it is drinking juice made of lawn clippings, hot sauce, and your own choked-down vomit.

However, I must qualify this ranking, as not all cleanses are bad. One cleanse rises above the rest and makes you feel amazing in the four ways that matter mostas enumerated in Ushers Love in This Clubsexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Thats right. Im talking about the one and only Taco Cleanse. The empowering, guilt-free, and soul-satisfying journey youre about to take your body and mind through will be not only supremely delicious (as tacos are involved) but also life-changing.

Obviously, it makes sense that the stone-cold visionaries from the Austin vegan scene birthed this magnificent beastIve never seen a group so committed to and guided by a taco philosophy. Let them hold your hand/garnish your taco (I meant that sexually) through your journey with recipes, crosswords, flowcharts, illustrations, PowerPoint presentations, and voodoo. Theyll lead you from your first taco shopping list all the way to cleanse graduation dayyoull walk away with an actual diploma that proves to the world that you are a taco-loving lunatic not to be messed with.

Taco speed, my little tacos.

Signed,

Laura Beck, Vegansaurus

Los Angeles, CA

O ver the years I have changed my diet more times than I can count. Since childhood, really, I was on a quest to find what worked best for me. When I moved to Austin over ten years ago I started supplementing my diet with tacos, particularly breakfast tacos: the most important taco of the day. I wasnt seeing the results I was looking for. Sure, I would eat tacos most days, but then sometimes for dinner I would screw up by eating a burger or some soup. I had no self-control and I could hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore. It was also during this time I noticed a rash of physical symptoms. Sometimes I would feel really tired, especially in the morning when my alarm went off. Other times, I couldnt fall asleep at night. I knew this wasnt right! My body was trying to tell me something. Along with these issues I was filled with occasional bouts of melancholy and depression. I would ask myself, Where is my life even going?

Who knows how long I could have gone on this way? But lucky for me, and for you, I met up with a team of taco scientists prepared to nurture my fledgling taco habit and also give me the community of support that I needed to follow through on what came to be known as the Taco Cleanse. Together we forged a new path of wellness and self-discovery.

Having a community to support and help you along the way is one of the most important aspects of the Taco Cleanse. During the cleanse I found myself texting my fellow taco scientists, asking where to get late-night tacos or how to deal with social situations. Commit to cleansing with your friends, family, or coworkers, or follow along with the online taco cleansing community by using the hashtag #tacocleanse on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Below, my fellow taco scientists share their own journeys to taco enlightenment.

Stephanie Bogdanich

I knew relocating to Austin would be a much-needed shift in lifestyle. A decade of living in the ceaseless buzz of central Houston had taken its toll on my well-being. Overstimulation had caused a simmering anxiety below the surface, threatening to boil over into full-blown panic. This had become the new normal.

I began hearing tales of a city only hours away where verdant paths and icy creeks were woven into the fabric of the concrete landscape. A city where enlightened yogis and gutter punks walked hand in hand. A city where pedestrians traveled without restriction and commuters propelled themselves on fantastic vehicles. A city with bountiful feasts for every obscure dietary restriction. A city where festivals extended into perpetuity. Certainly, I thought, this utopia could not be real. I needed to confirm these rumors for myself.

Shortly after moving to the south side of Austin, I found that the stories were all true. My tension was releasing into the cosmos and my vitality was rapidly regenerating. It seemed that many others among the local townsfolk were also operating at a higher octave. Being scientifically minded, I needed to suss out the source of these benefits.

Months passed without any significant discoveries. There were too many variables. My first insight arrived when two friends visited for the weekend. In less than forty-eight hours, their complexions glowed and their irises clarified. Their vibrations were not only heightened but sustained. They were unwitting participants in my experiment. Their only lifestyle deviation was dietary. Since arriving in Austin, their sole source of sustenance had been tacos. We were on the verge of a breakthrough.

With three other taco scientists, I decided to subject myself to a monthlong trial. We vowed to eat nothing but tacos for every meal and report the results. During the experiment, the benefits were undeniable. We decided to dedicate our lives to educating others about the Taco Cleanse.

Maybe tacos are a weekly staple for you as they once were for me, or maybe you have never eaten a taco. Whatever your background, I invite you to join us on our taco journey.

Wes Allison

A s a kid, I dabbled in tacos. Growing up in DallasFort Worth, they were just a part of life. Sunday mornings wed gather at Casa Jose with family and friends for brunch. I would scan the menu every time, even though I knew I would eventually order two egg-and-chorizo tacos. As I got older, I transitioned to migas tacos, like the adults always ordered. Twenty years later, I can still recite everyones taco orders.

And then I went off to college in the Northeast and quickly realized that not everyone ate tacos. It was shocking. I couldnt find good tortillas or salsa. For four years, I lived as if I were two people: one who studied foreign languages and tried to figure out how to buy a winter coat and another who made migas tacos with tomatoes and jalapeos straight from the garden.

Eventually, I moved back to Texas. My first night in Austin we went out for chips and salsa. I was home.

So when Stephanie suggested we go on a Taco Cleanse, I thought I knew what I was signing up for. I knew what it was like to go without tacos and what it was like to binge on tacos, trying to make up for misguided eating of ramen, pizza, and frozen burritos. I thought there was nothing left for me to learn.

I was so wrong.

You see, Id been battling several health issues. I constantly found strands of my hair in the shower or on my pillow. Like many of the women in my family, I found myself hungry in the middle of the afternoon and in the evenings. And I wasnt even sure if a child would be in my future. Before starting the Taco Cleanse, I had spent two years working with health professionals with what seemed like little progress.