Churley - Shameless: the fight for adoption disclosure and the search for my son

PRAISE FOR SHAMELESS

Marilyn provides a rare insiders view of the power of political change and proves with Shameless that she is as fearless as a writer as she was as a politician.

Olivia Chow, former Toronto City
Councillor and MP Trinity-Spadina

Shameless is a fantastic book. Marilyns story reflects a similar journey that both myself and my birth mother, Joni Mitchell, experienced and the joy we felt when we reunited. Secrecy was so entrenched that it took years just to get a piece of paper that didnt even have her name on it. Because of the changes in adoption disclosure laws, people can now get the information they need to search. Thanks Marilyn!

Kilauren Gibb (Little Green), adoptee and artist

Marilyn Churley has skilfully interwoven personal and political narratives detailing the struggle to know ones history and kin. Through her courageous determination, she has made a lasting contribution to opening adoption records. This book stands as a testament to what a principled politician can accomplish.

Michael Grand, professor of clinical psychology,
University of Guelph and author of The Adoption Constellation

Shameless will counter stereotypes and reverse the undeserved shame suffered by the many millions of us who experienced the tragic non-choice of surrendering our babies to adoption. We are ordinary womenteachers, administrators, lawyers, healthcare workers, and politicianstrapped in extraordinary circumstances. Coming forward in the Ontario legislature as one of us, and holding the standard of open records through difficult years, Marilyn joined with the grassroots in wrenching adoption out of shadowy decades of damaging secrecy. This is a story that needs to be shared in schools of social work, halls of medicine, and pulpits everywhere.

Karen Lynn, President, Canadian Council of Natural Mothers

The million-plus members of Ontarios adoption community owe a debt of thanks to Marilyn Churley. Without her integrity, and her willingness to stand up and be counted among us, we might still be waiting for access to our own records. Shameless is Churleys modest account of the impact her reunion and her advocacy in the Ontario Legislature played in redressing the wrongs imposed by sealed records.

Holly Kramer, past president of Parent Finders Incorporated

While the decade-plus-long struggle for adoption disclosure law reform had personal meaning for Marilyn, her passionate and tireless efforts were driven by her fierce commitment to justice and equality and her desire to give voice to those who needed an advocate inside the chambers of power. Shameless documents the personal and the political and how, when they come together, change gets made.

Hon. Frances Lankin, former MPP Beaches-East York

I wept. I didnt expect to, but I wept. I wept for Marilyns humiliations, her loss, her joy of reuniting with her son, her determination, her dogged determination to change the system, her passion and compassion. I wept because with honesty and candor Marilyn took me with her: unwed mom, birth mother, alone again, married woman, mom again, elected politician. She took me with her to places I had never been. Perhaps you have been there yourself and it will be familiar. If not, you will experience the complexities, the surprising brutality, the love, the hope of young moms longing for their own. As a politician Marilyn gets it right! The marriage of compassion and justice, real social justice influencing policy. Read this book and believe it is possible.

Gerry Rogers MHA St. Johns Centre, feminist filmmaker

Never did a Bill signed into law hold such emotion for so many! That was the adoption law that finally made its way through the Ontario legislature. Marilyn may have been on the other side of the House, but she worked with me to open adoption records, all partisanship aside. The chronicling of her life through Shameless is inspiring. Its clear the new law was the moment for Marilyn to exhale, and for the adoption community to cheer.

Sandra Pupatello, former Minister of Community and Social Services

Shameless

2015 Marilyn Churley

First published in 2015 by
Between the Lines
401 Richmond Street West, Studio 277
Toronto, Ontario M5V 3A8 Canada
1-800-718-7201
www.btlbooks.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be photocopied, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of Between the Lines, or (for photocopying in Canada only) Access Copyright, 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario, M5E 1E5 .

Every reasonable effort has been made to identify copyright holders. Between the Lines would be pleased to have any errors or omissions brought to its attention.

LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION

Churley, Marilyn, author
Shameless : the fight for adoption disclosure and the search for my son / Marilyn Churley.

Includes index.
Issued in print and electronic formats.
ISBN 978-1-77113-173-5 (pbk.). ISBN 978-1-77113-174-2 (epub). ISBN 978-1-77113-175-9 (pdf)

1. Churley, Marilyn. 2. Mothers and sonsOntarioBiography. 3. PoliticiansOntarioBiography. 4. Adopted childrenOntarioBiography. 5. AdoptionLaw and legislationOntario. 6. Disclosure of informationLaw and legislationOntario. I. Title.

HV 875.58. C 3205 2015362.73409713 C 2014-906713-5 C 2014-906714-3

Text and cover design by Ingrid Paulson

Between the Lines gratefully acknowledges assistance for its publishing activities from the Canada Council for the Arts, the Ontario Arts Council, the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Book Publishers Tax Credit program and through the Ontario Book Initiative, and the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund.

This book is dedicated to my beloved children, Astra and Billy

Youre sad and youre sorry but youre not ashamed

Joni Mitchell, Little Green from Blue, 1971

I BEGAN WORKING ON updating Ontarios adoption disclosure laws in the mid-1990s as a member of provincial parliament (MPP). Many people who worked with me over the years urged me to write a book about how we were able to get new laws passed. However, I must stress that this is not meant to be a definitive account. This is a memoir based on my personal and political experience. Its also a story of losing and finding, pain and joy, and how to fight and win against powerful forces.

I met and worked with a lot of wonderful people from the adoption community throughout the years. Naturally I focus on those with whom I worked most closely, but I want to thank everyone who worked on this issue and who came before us. Your commitment to the cause provided the foundation that we built on.

I have strived to be accurate and honest while telling my story, but, of course, memory can sometimes play funny tricks on us. I went back and consulted old letters and papers to help me with some of the personal details. For committee hearing testimony and statements made in the legislature, I drew on the Debates and Proceedings of the Legislative Assembly of Ontario (Hansard). Where, to avoid causing pain or harm, I have taken the liberty of changing some names, that is indicated in the text.