Tara J Lal - Standing on My Brothers Shoulders: Making Peace with Grief and Suicide - A True Story

This edition first published in the UK and USA in 2020 by

Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

Unit 11, Shepperton House

89-93 Shepperton Road

London

N1 3DF

Design and typography copyright Watkins Media Limited 2020

Text copyright Tara J Lal 2020

Tara J Lal has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

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A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-78678-356-1

www.watkinspublishing.com

A deeply affecting memoir. Taras courageous book tracks the nature and process of destruction, and more than this, the crucial reconstructions that can follow.

Alex Garland, Oscar-nominated film director and best-selling author

Insightful, moving and Informative

Jane Garvey, BBC Womans Hour

This is, without question, the most beautifully written, sensitive, balanced account of grieving that I have ever read. This book is going to be an absolute must read.

Patrick Casement, psychoanalyst and award-winning author

Reading Tara Lals book Standing on My Brothers Shoulders affected me deeply. As a person with a lived experience of suicidal ideation, it opened my mind and memories to truly understand the impact of suicide on the family members left behind. Even though it opened some old scars, it gave me an opportunity to reflect and see things from another perspective The wonderful part of this story has been the opportunity to learn from the book and learn from the author an extraordinary person who continues to share her love for life and those she has lived with and for.

Allan Sparkes, inspirational keynote speaker, best-selling author and former Deputy Commissioner of the Mental Health Commission, Australia

From the perspective of a positive psychologist, Taras powerful memoir offers a message of hope for those of us who have suffered the premature loss of loved ones. Her story demonstrates that it is possible not only to survive tragedy but also, ultimately, to grow from it.

Miriam Akhtar, author of Positive Psychology for Overcoming Depression and What is Post-Traumatic Growth?

Taras writing is raw, honest, beautiful and thoughtful. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has themselves experienced suicidal ideation or mental ill health as well as to anyone who loves someone who has experienced these.

Dr Timothy Sharp, The Happiness Institute

What a beautifully written book. Touching and sensitive and a piece that I am sure will help in a difficult time.

Gus Worland, radio and TV personality and founder of Gotcha4Life www.gotcha4life.org/gus

Deeply moving and profoundly sad, at times this book somehow finds a way to give you hope and show you that good can come after tragedy. Importantly, it provides a detailed, insightful and authentic account of the tsunami of destruction caused by suicide on those left in its wake which still today often remains unspoken. It is a must read about a topic we desperately all need to understand more about to help ourselves and our families, friends and communities cope better with mental illness and strive for mental health.

Professor Kirsten McCaffery, Sydney University, School of Public Health

Taras book grabs you by the heart. The journey she has taken and the courage and humanity that shine out of this wonderful memoir are truly inspiring. Tara unflinchingly deals with difficult but universal themes: loss, need, anger but suffusing the whole is a loving and hopeful tone. For anyone who has lost a loved one, and may be dealing with some very difficult emotions, I thoroughly recommend reading this book. It will shine a light!

Wanda Whitely, former Publishing Director, Harper Collins Publishers

When she was young, Tara suffered two terribly cruel losses from her life in quick succession. The compounded grief could have left her emotionally wiped out for life, but instead, she learned from it in a most profound and moving way. She is now one of the bravest people I know, a woman of great competence working as a fire-fighter, rescuing people from burning buildings. She is an emotional and physical warrior. She knows vulnerability well, but has learned how to live beyond loss, to make a meaningful life. Her story will stay with you and inspire you forever.

Dr Margo Orum, psychologist and author

This is the honest and at times raw telling of the story of a strong but vulnerable firefighter, as she struggles with, and is transformed by, the legacy of grief associated with the childhood loss of loved ones. Those on a similar journey will find guidance, inspiration and reassurance in this open, heartfelt book.

Susan Burton, psychologist

Poignant, moving, enlightening...

Abigail Hatherly, composer

The most beautiful and moving book I have ever read

Vicky Arlidge, musical comedian and composer

I was enthralled. Taras words are both beautiful and compelling. Her compassion, empathy and understanding for the feelings and motivations of others are truly inspirational. We can all gain something from her writing. I recommend this book to everyone I know.

Genevieve Elliot, author of Screaming in Silence

Rarely does an author deal with themselves and their journey with such searing honesty and insightfulness. Taras ability to look at her life, her thoughts, actions and decisions enables the reader to truly engage and wrestle with the most difficult of emotions at their own personal level. You are not just reading, with interest, of someones life; you are there asking the same questions of yourself and learning compassion along the way. An extraordinary book.

Jennifer Davis, psychologist

Taras inspiring story takes therapy and moves it into real life. Her resilience comes from tenacity, intelligence and openness to new experiences. She persisted with study, work and relationships, using her courage and adaptiveness to create a life worthy of her and the people she loves.

Tony Merritt, clinical psychologist

I loved this book. So many times it expresses fears and doubts that we all have in a succinct and yet profound manner. Taras gift is to involve readers so completely in her journey that they, as I did, see the parallels in their own lives. I found it truly inspiring.

Clinton Batty, psychologist

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

It would be an understatement to say that when I started writing I didnt really know what I was doing. It was simply an organic, often painful torrent of words from within. I rarely read books and the extent of my previous writing experience didnt stretch beyond putting together scientific essays about cell membrane transport or the like, and that was over two decades ago.

Without question, this book would not exist were it not for the many wonderful people who offered incredible help, love and guidance, professionally and personally. In some cases their assistance was essential to the process of writing; others were simply there for me. Every interaction helped me sculpt the story of my brothers and my life into the book you are now holding.