Toyin Abiola - The Abc’s of a Beautiful Marriage: A Guide to Loving Your Spouse Above Your Marital Struggles

Copyright 2016 Toyin Abiola

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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to Adeniyi Abiolamy husband.

It would be true to say you are part of my transformation.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I thank the Lord Almighty for giving me the inspiration, strength, and will to start and finish this book. Every word, every idea, every wisdom came from Him. I am just a tool in His Hands, and, I thank Him for making use of this rusted tool. All praise and thanks go to Him.

A big thanks to my husbandAdeniyi Abiolafor his support and encouragement. The Lord placed you in my life for a time such as this. A big thanks to my childrenOlaoluwa and Ifeoluwayou kept me on my toes.

I thank my parentsMr. and Mrs. Akinmejiand all love to my siblingsTitilayo, Olubunmi, Michael, and Kateana, God bless you all.

My friendsyou are not left out of this; thank you all for always being there.

A big thanks to those who buy this book. God bless you all.

Your Marriage Can Work

A fter a days hard work, it felt good to come home to the family, to relax and unwind from all the stress I had gone through trying to counsel some couples. As if the workday was not enough, I decided to flip through my Facebook page, and, to my horror, I read that another woman had just been murdered by her husband. Her husband fled the scene, leaving his children with their moms corpse. The kids tried, without success, to wake up their dead mother until their nanny came to resume work as usual and found the lifeless body of her employer. Again? I shouted. What was the world coming to? I thought to myself.

A few months back, something similar happened. A woman murdered her husband in cold blood because he cheated on her. I have read many articles about couples divorcing and murdering each other because of one problem or another. I have seen pictures of women being battered by their husbandsbroken lips, black eyes, wounds all over the body. I saw a picture of a woman whose husband used a cutlass on her; that she survived the attack was just a miracle.

What happened to the love of these couples that was professed in the beginning of their relationship?

What happened to the trust?

What happened to the affection?

What happened to the promises?

Why has a beautiful thing ended in domestic violence?

Where did all the love go?

Was violence instead of love the promise?

Was intolerance instead of understanding the agreement?

Was unfaithfulness instead of loyalty the product of our union?

It is disheartening to see young women and mens lives cut short because of their marriages. I thought to myself, What if they never married; would they still be alive today? What if they never agreed to marry that particular person; would they still be alive today? Marriage was not created to be a battlefield for the sexes. It was created for love. It was created for growth, for understanding, for transparency, for procreation, and for the advancement of our society and the world.

We are not on the battlefield with our spouses. We are not fighting the battle of life against them. We are fighting the battle of life and love against the devil. Marriage is not about the man or the woman but about what the couple can create through their union. Many people have enemies in their spouses, someone they once shared a heart with. What happened along the way? I kept thinking about it all, and my heart broke. It was frustrating and devastating for me. Yes, I might not personally know the victims, but there are people who knew them, families who will miss them, and children who will never get to see their parents again.

The ABCs of a Beautiful Marriage is an inspiration I received from God. It started out as an online course, available on udemy.com. But I was also led to make it available in print, so that people all over the world can have access to the book. I have added more information to the book than what is available in the online course.

Your marriage can work, irrespective of the problems or situations you are encountering as a couple or as individuals. The love you share with your partner is not on the same vibration with the problems. Love is greater than the problems you allow to choke it. So it does not matter where you are from, your race, your background, your educational level, your achievements, or celebrity statusyour marriage can work. What will make your marriage work are the right knowledge and a deep understanding. Knowledge is not enough without understanding, and understanding is not complete without wisdom, which is the application of what you know.

Knowledge answers the questionwhat?

Understanding answers the questionwhy?

Wisdom answers the questionshow and when?

What you know can be determined by your family background, peer group influence, religious affinity, personal experiences and the experiences of others, the social media, the news, and more. But many times, we do not question the reasons behind what we have been taught. We take them in unconsciously and begin to act from that place.

I know that there is a knowledge out there that is the right knowledge, which gives you the result you desire, whether it is in your marriage, career, or health. I will tell you that the only person who can give you the right knowledge is Christ because He is Faithful and Truth. Any truth you know that is outside of the Lord is a lie. It is a lie disguised as the truth. So let us not be open to just knowing, but open to knowing what is right and understanding what we know that will help us apply what we know the right way.

I have been with my husband for ten years, married for seven. I can tell you that we went through a tumultuous beginning. We loved each other but could not seem to make it right. Our egos kept getting in the way of our love. We continuously allowed the ego to win instead of allowing the love we have for each other to lead us through problems and disagreements, just as it led us through peaceful moments. I also saw that in many couples who have reached out to methe ego was destroying their marriages.