Rebecca Collins - How To Make Friends Easily: Discover How To Talk To Anyone And Make New Friends, No Matter What Age You Are (Love, Friendship And Money)

I have no friends.

That was the truth, not too many years ago.

What with trying to get my career off the ground and raising a young family, my life was way too busy for anything else.

I was completely absorbed in the daily routine of getting the kids to daycare, rushing to the office, and attending back-to-back meetings before running back home to do dinner and the goodnights.

It was quite a gruelling period in my life as I tried to juggle several roles: mum, wife, homemaker, and businesswoman. My hubby also had a demanding career and we hardly spent any quality time together as a family or as a couple, for that matter.

But, I felt Ok. I was actively pursuing my dreams and had two adorable children and a loving partner. What else could I possibly need?

The truth is, that I didnt allow myself to address the fact that I had no friends at that time. Sure, I had colleagues, family, neighbors, and associates, but no one that I could turn to for a good chat or rely on when I was having a meltdown.

Despite being in daily contact with so many people, it wasnt until I overheard a conversation at my regular zumba class that I realized just how friend-less I was.

Ive always been quite independent, and never thought twice about going somewhere alone if I needed to. Id been attending zumba regularly for about three months and the classes were usually packed with about 30 or so enthusiastic participants. They all seemed to know each other and were always chatting away and laughing throughout the session, while I never struck up a conversation with anyone. I must have seemed very antisocial looking back, but no one ever tried to talk to me either.

As I was getting ready to leave after one particular evening class, I overheard the other women arranging to meet up together afterward at a local pizza place. I felt a tinge of envy.

On the way home, it dawned on me that, although going to the class alone was no big deal, it would have been so much more fun if I had also felt a part of the group.

As for pizza night, I clearly wasnt invited and why would I be? I never said more than a Hi to anyone or made any effort to get to know my fellow zumba fans better. In truth, it hit me that I had forgotten how to make friends.

But it isnt just about zumba and pizza. Having friends means so much more than that. They can be your mentors, confidantes, and supporters. They will pick you up when you are down, lend a trusted ear to share your problems with, and bring greater joy into your life.

They will be there when you need them, have your back, and always be honest with you. Who wouldn't like some of that?

I did have close friends when I was younger but since moving to a new city, I had lost touch with most of them over time. Once I became aware of how much I missed having people in my life who I could call friends, I started to look at what I had been doing wrong.

The answer to that is, nothing. I had simply put having friends low on my list of priorities, thinking that I could do without them. That bad habit gradually left me feeling lonely, but I couldnt see it. It wasnt until the pizza conversation that I had to admit it I had no friends.

Im sure that many of you might be experiencing the same thing and would like to change that. You could be living in a totally different place to where you grew up and find it difficult to keep up with old friends or meet new ones there.

Perhaps you are leading a very busy life, with hardly any free time to yourself. In the moments you do have to relax, you may have little energy to make an effort to socialize. Thats perfectly OK and I can understand why you would feel that way.

It may even be that you are shy or on the introverted side and dont feel comfortable starting a conversation with someone you dont know. Even if you are in regular contact with people at work, college, or the gym, you may find it difficult to open up and prefer to avoid engaging in any kind of conversation.

In a world where friends are very often online or virtual and not people we have ever met, it could be that we have become lazy about our friend-making skills.

I dont think you can compare having 563 Facebook friends to having a few genuine connections with people who actually know you and love you in real life, despite all of your flaws. Having said that, engaging with friends on social media is better than nothing, but it cant replace real face-to-face contact.

After talking to other people in my role as mentor, I get the impression that many of them actually feel isolated but dont know how to break through that wall of getting to know someone better. They arent sure what to say, worry that they will be viewed negatively, and feel awkward about appearing too friendly.

We dont want to appear creepy or desperate, right?

Its a lot easier to keep to yourself than to open up to another person. Why expose your inner thoughts or feelings to someone who may not understand you, or be reliable and trustworthy? Its certainly safer to maintain your distance and use social media as your main form of interaction.

After all, theres no obligation on your part to show up, be honest, or reveal your true self. You dont have to commit to anything. Sure, not all digital connections stay that way and you will have heard of cases where people actually meet up and become good friends, even romantic partners. But for the most part, we seem to be forming fake friendships rather than real friends.