Praises for
Is It Me?
I was told the gaping hole of emptiness and pain I felt in my marriage was my burden to carry forever. Natalies penetrating, grace-filled words reshaped my perspective. I moved from shame-laden fear to owning my role in creating a future free from abuse and filled with joyful potential. Im crazy excited to give this book to my friends who need it too.
Alaine Edmondson
After reading this book it was clear to me that what I went through in my former marriage was truly abusive. I am now in the healing stage, and this book has given me hope to know that I can truly live free in Jesus love and care. Wonderful, life changing book for the confused Christian woman like I was.
Lynn Searl
Natalies book empowered me with specific tools to clear away the brain fog and give me strength to make necessary changes in my life. Now Im using this book to help others find freedom from the dysfunction and chaos and help them grow into all that God has called them to be.
Amy Jones
For over 34 years I felt helpless and hopeless in my marriage. There were days I wanted to die to escape the craziness. Like many Christian women, I was taught it was my duty to submit to anything and everything. Through Natalies book I have learned some truths that helped me escape and realize how much God truly loves me. Praise the Lord, Natalie is setting the record straight!
Kelley Denver
Finally, someone knows my life and the hell that Ive gone through. Prepare to cry and be set on a new journey of finding yourself in Christ as a beautiful and wonderfully made creation. Thank you, Natalie, for finding your voice and putting it into words for those who have no voice.
Kasey Eastman
I was confused and hopeless about why nothing I ever did made a difference in my marriage. This book flipped that paradigm, completely changing the way I viewed myself, God, my husband, and my church community. Now I get to live in the truth, and the love and grace of Jesus is sweeter than ever.
Abigail Harden
I wish Id had this book ten years ago. It summarizes very well what took me several months with a life coach to see. This book validated my experiences and led me to a new life of freedom I didnt think was possible.
Ann Schell
Copyright 2018
Is It Me? Making Sense Of Your Confusing Marriage
A Christian Womans Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse
Natalie Hoffman
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Flying Free Media
13090 Crolly Path
Rosemount, MN 55068
FlyingFreeNow.com
ISBN: 978-1-7328943-0-3 (print), 978-1-7328943-1-0 (epub)
Ordering Information:
Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address above.
Publishing and Design Services: MartinPublishingServices.com
Editor: HEDUA, LLC
Author Photo: Raquel Martinson
To the woman of faith begging God for help on her bathroom floor.
He sees you.
Then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth.
Isaiah 58:14
Introduction
This book is written specifically for women of faith in confusing and painful marriages . I wish that meant it was only for a handful of people, but sadly, this is a decent-sized segment of society. If you can relate to the first chapter of this book, then you are the woman this book was written for, and my hope and prayer is that God will use this book to start you on your own journey out of Egypt, through the wilderness, and into the Promised Land of freedom and hope.
If you are a woman in a confusing, painful marriage, but you dont have a faith in God, you may still find some answers to the questions that plague you, but please know in advance that I will be addressing specific concerns women of faith deal with in reconciling who God is with what they have experienced in their marriages and in their faith communities. If you are a woman of faith, but youre in a normal marriage with garden variety issues, you wont be able to relate to the message of this book. However, if you want to become familiar with what some of your friends may be experiencing behind closed doors so you can better support them in their unique struggles, then this book may be helpful.
If you are a man experiencing a painful, confusing marriage, and you want to read this book to find some hope and help, youll need to apply the gender distinctions appropriately to your situation because the target reader here is female. If you are a pastor or religious leader who wants to learn more about some of the women in your congregation and what they are going through, then this book will help with that. But if you are a pastor or religious leader who is only interested in protecting the egos of men while reigning down shame and condemnation on women, this book will be gasoline for your fire. Its probably best that you put this one back on the shelf.
I spend a good portion of this book exposing religious propaganda used to maintain power over the female half of the human race. Please know that I do not believe every conservative Christian church in the world pushes this misogynistic agenda. There are many safe churches who preach and live out the gospel of Jesus Christ without shaming and hating on those who do not adhere to their specific set of rules. They are the true global Church of Jesus Christ, and all Gods imperfect and very human children are welcome and loved in these places of worship. If you belong to one of these churches, you are blessed with a safe haven, and they will surely help you on your own personal journey to healing.
During my own experience living in a destructive marriage, others told me that what I was experiencing was either normal or exaggerated or wasnt even real. My most intimate companions during that dark time became books that put my experience into words. After being steeped in deception and confusion for so many years, these books became a lifeline of sanity to me, and through them, God began to heal me with His truth. For that reason, I will be recommending several of my favorite resources for further study throughout the book.
Natalie Hoffman
September, 2018
Chapter One :
Is This Your Marriage?
Does this sound like you?
Why do concerns I bring up never seem to be resolved? Why do I feel like Charlie Brown, flat on his back from having the football snatched away? Why, when I bring up a concern, do I always end up justifying my existence or being the one to apologize? How do things seem to get turned around on me?
_______
I knew something was off for years but didnt know what it was exactly. I knew that we were differentI would hear of other husbands supporting their wives in pursuing their dreams and be absolutely blown away. I would hear of husbands encouraging their wives to go out with friends and not be able to relate at all. I would hear of decisions being made mutually and not understand how that even looked.