Michal Stawicki - From Shy to Hi: Tame Social Anxiety, Meet New People, and Build Self-Confidence

By: Michal Stawicki

www.expandbeyondyourself.com

Published by Michal Stawicki

Copyright 2014, Michal Stawicki

Introduction

W hy This Book Exists

Shyness is a widespread problem. Our modern lifestyle fosters shyness over interaction. We are increasingly surrounded by machines and immersed in the online, impersonal world. For anyone living under the dark spell of shyness, it's a deep issue.

Shyness originates in the psyche, and though the pharmaceutical companies would like for you to believe that you can just pop a pill and banish your timidness, true change must come from within. Perhaps you have tried these pharmaceutical band-aids, or perhaps, like most who suffer from shyness, you don't even consider it fixable. It's just part of your nature, right? "I was just created that way, you say.

But shyness is curable. You were not born that way. Somewhere along the way, you nurtured shyness within yourself, possibly without knowing. Perhaps others labeled you as shy and you bought into that assessment. However it came about, you do have the power to reverse your timidness and find confidence in your dealings with others.

The shyness affliction comes in many shades, but if you are the type of loner who feels awkward while interacting with new people, and who avoids unknown social situations at all costs, then this book will help you if you choose to allow it. Anxiety may be a part of your internal constitution right now, but people change. You can change, too. What is more, you can design your change. You can choose how far you take the process, and progress at a pace that is comfortable for you. You don't need to become a total badass overnight.

This book is designed to help you, a shy person, develop the regular practice of meeting and talking to strangers. People who are already confident in new social situations do not need my advice; they already know the benefits of this confidence. By practicing this discipline, you, too, will come to know the benefits as you expand your circle of interaction and influence.

First of all, talking to strangers will impact your internal world. Our actions determine our state of mind and our attitudes. Currently, part of your definition of yourself is, "I'm a shy person." Imagine how your life will change when you see an internal shift to, "I'm confident while dealing with other people."

Tiny changes in your behavior, in your interactions and relationships, will fuel big change. Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence. The same goes with changing your attitude. Grandiose actions are not required. You do not need to give a speech to the masses tomorrow; you only need consistency.

The change in you will inspire changes in others. It's unavoidable. We are all connected. Your success and example will change others. Your success will lead you to new people and influence them. The lives of people you don't even know yet will be touched. Your influence will spread like ripples on a pond. I have seen it firsthand, and you will, too.

This change is enough to shake the world, and we don't have to start a political movement to drive this change. Collective change in many individuals is a powerful force, but collective change in many always springs from internal change in one. Recall John Lennon's song, "Imagine."

"Imagine all the people,

sharing all the world ..."

That's the influence of one individual at work. It starts from a single person and spreads through society, changing the hearts of individuals one by one. All that's needed to realize John's vision is a change in a single human, and then the next and the next and the next, until "all the people" share similar values.

I don't preach any philosophy or religion. It's all about your personal impact on global society, an impact that is held back only by your clinging to shyness.

The influence and interaction game is an inside-out kind of thing. You can't impose on others what or how to think. But, you can share your opinion not just with your words but also (more importantly) through your deeds. That's how it works. People admired by society at large Saint Teresa of Calcutta, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., Stephen R. Covey, to name a few acted on that principle. They all were great influencers; people who left indelible marks on the progress of human society.

There are others who have different opinions. They prefer to manipulate, browbeat and deceive in order to influence people. They try to convince the world that their approach is quicker, easier and more effective. Many prominent politicians fall into this category.

At the core of every upheaval, there is a person who started it. Just one person. The world needs YOU, your unique voice and your interaction with other people, so you can influence your community, your country, our world.

This book is about gaining confidence by overcoming your shyness. It means building your mindset and attitudes through internal change, not by mastering tricks of manipulation. Manipulation and deceit will be unveiled in time; a change of mindset will serve you for a lifetime and have effects that ripple through our world long after you are gone.

You will find here my journey and my advice, but you are not obliged to conform to it. Your job is to pick up what will work for you , in your unique circumstances, and begin your own journey to self confidence.

Confessions of a Shy Guy

I used to be quite shy. As an introvert, Ive always been inclined to refer to my internal world first and refer to other people much later (if ever). It's not that I'm heartless; when I finally recognized others around me, I found I cared deeply for them. I realized I could relate to them. My heart sunk each time I saw people less fortunate than me. But, because of my conditioning, the times when I truly saw them were rare. And, when I did really see them, I found myself lacking the social skills to begin an interaction.

One vivid example says it all. Several years ago, I was heading home from work a 30- mile commute. That day, I missed my train and had to wait almost an hour for the next one. On the same platform, probably waiting for the same train, were a young lady and her sick son. The boy was maybe three years old, about the same age as my own sons.

His bald head and frightfully thin frame told me he likely had cancer. Even the effort of raising a bottle of Coke to his lips caused his hand to tremble. He paused drinking to vomit in a plastic bag.

This young child was suffering like I have never suffered in my life. His mother was caring, but firm. She held his head tightly when he vomited to avoid a resulting mess.