Lillian Glass - Say It Right: How to Talk In Any Social or Business Situation

SAY IT RIGHT

How to Talk in Any
Social or Business Situation

LILLIAN GLASS, Ph.D.

A PERIGEE BOOK

SAY IT RIGHT

A LSO BY L ILLIAN G LASS , P HD .

Talk to Win

How to Deprogram Your Valley Girl

TO LAMBEAR

whos taught me what unconditional love and
real communication are all about.

Perigee Books
are published by
Your Total Image Publishing
9663 Santa Monica Blvd, Suite 771
Beverly Hills, CA 90210

First Perigee Edition 1992

Copyright 1991 by Lillian Glass, Ph.D.

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof,
may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
Published simultaneously in Canada

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Glass, Lillian.

Say itright: how to talk in any social or business situation / Lillian Glass. First Perigee ed.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-929873-10-4 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-929873-11-1 (electronic book text)

1. Oral communication. 2. Etiquette. I. Title.

[P95.G53 1992] 91-14370 CIP

808.56dc20

Cover design1991 by Dorothy Wachtenheim
Front cover photographby Harry Langdon Hair and makeup by Jeff Jones

Printed in the United States of America

9 10 11 12 13 14 15

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

You are only as great as the shoulders you stand on and Ive been blessed to have stood on some pretty great shoulders. I wish to acknowledge my heroes for whom I have ultimate respect and admirationpeople who have enriched my life and who have made an impact on how I communicate.

Susan Grodemy agent, attorney, friend, and role model. Adrienne Ingrum, my wonderful editor and supportive friend, Rosalie Glass, my mother and friend. Christopher Lambert, George Nelson Case, Sean Connery, Marlee Matlin, Reverend Jesse Jackson, Julio Iglesias, Lili Zanuck, Dustin Hoffman, Donald Trump, Barbara Walters, Norman Brokaw, Harry Langdon, Jeff Jones, Merv Griffin, Jerry Bruckheimer, Ben Vereen, Doctor Edward A. Kantor, Doctor Joseph Sugarman, Greg Gorman, Mickey Rourke, A1 Davis, Mayor Tom Bradley, Doctor Henry Kawamoto, Mr. Blackwell, Burt Lancaster, Doctor Robert J. Gorlin, Colleen Camp, Dolph Lundgren, Donna Hennen, Doctor H. Harlan Bloomer, Paul Bloch, Kirk Douglas, Bikrum Choudhury, Senator Albert Gore, Arnold Kopelson, Nicky Blair, Rita Coolidge, Lew Wasserman, Carol Isenberg, Doctor Bernard Geltzer, Judge Judith Stein, Mona Thalheimer, Doctor Perry Crenshaw, Doctor Henry Yamada, June Gabora, Dale Neff, Doctor Maxine Ostrum, Lynn Della Guardia, Pam Kemp, Lee Iacocca, Traci Hunt, Rick Cramer, Jeff Kramer, Rene Russo, Sue Kiel, Barbara K. Ratliff, Bob Rafelson, Ana Alicia, Bob Cummings, Melanie Griffith, President George Bush, John LeMaire, Kathleen Turner, Sheri Sylvester, Sylvester Stallone, Charlie Minor, Bill Farley, Kirk Kilgour, Seth Riggs, Shirley Temple Black, Bill Cosby, Vidal Sassoon, Rod Martin, Jerry Dunphy, Chuck Norris, David Gamburg, Dolly Parton, Michael Eisner, Bette Midler, Francine Drescher, Terry McQueen, Georgia Frontiere, John Forsythe, Cecilia and Diana Bolocco, Michael Young, Sally and Ivor Davis, Bill Sharman, Doctor Norman Martin, Shadoe Stevens, Jake Steinfeld, Bob and June Easton, Doctor William Perkins, Roseanne Barr, Doctor Daniel Boone, Beth Roll, Alan Miller, Rob Lowe, Gloria Loring, Sinbad, Olivia Newton-John, Matt Lattanzi, Sela Ward, Wanna McMahon, Jackie-Joyner Kersee, Florence Griffith Joyner, Lester Hayes, Edward James Olmos, Costas Mendalore, Sally Kirkland, Richard Fore, Harvey Sarles, Billy Crystal, Donna Dixon, Dan Akroyd, Jim Eason, Doctor James H. Mullendore, Rob Reiner, Robert Cassidy, George Armstrong, Frances Hernandez, Susan Shane, Marcy Carsey.

Introduction

Have you ever not known what to say in a particular situation?

Have you ever wanted to say something but felt too self-conscious?

Have you ever been invited to an important dinner or a party and wondered: What will I say? What if I sound stupid? What if theres a lull in the conversationdo I just sit there or keep talking?

Well, youre not alone. As a communications specialist, I have seen even the boldest businessmen turn pale at the thought of attending a black-tie affair, speaking at a board meeting, or just meeting new people. I have watched people cry at the mere thought of a new social interaction.

According to The Book of Lists, the number-one fear in society today is the fear of talking in front of other people.

Its not so surprising. After all, in school we are taught many new things, but nobody teaches us how to communicate with one another.

I have been fortunate enough to work with thousands of people, from the most severely handicapped to the hottest stars in Hollywoodstars like Dustin Hoffman, whom I helped prepare for his role in Tootsie, and Julio Iglesias. I helped Swedish actor Dolph Lundgren and the French actor Christopher Lambert speak with American accents. I was able to help Ben Vereen become a sought-after television host, and my work with the wonderfully talented Marlee Matlin helped make her speaking debut as an Academy-Award presenter before millions of viewers.

Everybody has the power to become a terrific communicatornot just stars. Its a matter of confronting your fears in different situations and learning to feel good about yourself.

Communication is not just verbal. Good communication is visual, sensual, and aural. Its not being afraid to be enthusiastic and spontaneous. Its not being afraid to express yourself or reach out to others.

I learned early on that I could make things happen, instead of sitting back and waiting for things to happen or for others to do things for me. Positive things happened when I took the risk of communicating my needs and wants. By openly expressing myself and using all of my senses, I was able to improve the quality of my own life and the lives of the thousands of my clients. Ive taught them communication strategies that work. In this book I am sharing these same techniques with you.

There is perhaps nothing more frustrating than not being able to communicate. I first became aware of this when I was ten years old and watched an Easter Seals telethon on TV. Many children, some who were even my age at the time, were unable to talk. They couldnt even say, Hi, how are you? or what they wanted for lunch. Saliva drooled from their mouths. I cried for these children. But when I watched a speech therapist teach a ten-year-old girl with cerebral palsy to speak, my tears stopped. The therapist was able to help the girl to make a string of sounds and eventually speak a meaningful sentence. It was then that I decided what I would be when I grew up. I thought that my life would be fulfilled if I could be a catalyst like that speech therapist and help others experience the joy I felt in talking with people.

I took my education to the highest level possible, and while I have accumulated many honors along the way, my best rewards have been personal ones. I was able to break new ground in speech pathology by examining the effects of speech on various genetic diseases where voice and speech patterns could be helpful in diagnosing certain genetic diseases.

As a researcher and professor I worked with people who had such genetic abnormalities as dwarfism, neurofibromatosis (the Elephant Man disease), and people like Rocky Dennis, the boy in the movie Mask. I found that if they communicated better, others were more likely to overlook their physical disfigurements.

I also learned that no how matter how different a person is, they really are more like us than we realize. Every human being experiences the same feelings, the same hurts. We all suffer from the same loneliness and have the same need to express our needs and feelings to other people. Deep down inside we all need love and attention. We all hunger for love, for self-respect, and acceptance. We all hunger to be creative and have a meaningful place in this world. With world events taking a more positive turn, with countries uniting and walls tumbling down, walls between people also need to come down in order for more effective human relations to occur.