Marilyn Willett Heavilin - Roses in December: Comfort for the Grieving Heart

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Cover by Left Coast Design, Portland, Oregon

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Roses in December

Copyright 1987 by Marilyn Willett Heavilin

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene Oregon 97402

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Heavilin, Marilyn Willett.

Roses in December / Marilyn Heavilin.

p. cm.

Originally published: Nashville : T. Nelson, 1993. With new appendices.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-7369-1779-7 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-3951-5 (eBook)

1. Consolation. 2. SufferingReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. Heavilin,

Marilyn Willett. 4. Christian biographyUnited States. I. Title.

BV4905.2.H455 2006

248.8'66dc22

2005028093

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In memory of

Jimmy, Nathan, and Ethan,

three beautiful flowers

in my bouquet of

December Roses.

To Glen,

Matt and Debbie,

Mellyn and Mike.

Your love and encouragement

have kept me going.

Contents

Dear Reader,

When I first wrote Roses in December in 198586, it was impossible for me to imagine how others would respond to the book. I simply knew I had to writefor me, for my family, to keep the memory of my three sons alive, and for a more practical reason, to help me work through my own grief.

I was still too new in my grief to realize how universal my reactions were. Now, many years later, while I am pleased, I have learned not to be surprised when people tell me they identify so completely with me as I describe my own personal grief process.

When our son Nathan was killed by a drunk driver, I shouted to God through my pain, Dont let this be wasted. It has to count. It must matter that Nathan, Jimmy, and Ethan Heavilin lived and that they died. Please dont let their lives be wasted.

A few years ago my husband and I were workshop leaders at a national convention of The Compassionate Friends, a support group for bereaved parents. It had been five years since we had spoken at a convention, so this was the first time we were able to receive many comments regarding Roses in December.

The first evening a woman walked up to me and said, I cant believe Im getting to meet you. Im alive because of you!

Naturally that caught my attention. She started to tell me her story, and it overwhelmed me. I asked her to write it out so I could share it with others, and she happily obliged.

I lost my only child Lisa on December 8, 1987. She died on her way to school, a passenger in a car driven by her best friend. We received no support from her friend or her parentssomeone told us they were afraid we would sue. We lived in Pennsylvania where my husband was stationed in the Marines, but our home was in Charleston, West Virginia. We took Lisa home for the last time!

When we got back to Pennsylvania, we had no family, no Lisa, no friends. Each day I wanted less and less to live. All our plans and dreams died with Lisa, as well as did my futuremy grandchildrenall of it! I tried to talk my husband into a double suicide or a murder and suicide. How could we go on, or want to?

On a trip to West Virginia my dad took me to a Christian bookstore and bought me your book, Roses in December. Im sure he wanted me to have it because Lisa loved roses, and she died in December.

I read the book in one sitting. The next day I read it again. Finally I had found a friend who understood and shared my feelings! I felt you knew my heartache of losing my only child because of your one-on-one relationship to your Nathan who died on February 10my Lisas birthday! My Lisa died in December; your Nathan was born in December.

How it must have hurt for you to have to go to work at the school without Nathan thereI couldnt even drive by Lisas school. How wonderful that you wrote a book for me out of your grief for Nathan. I felt for the first time that my feelings were normal. I would grieve forever, but it was OK.

On the anniversary of Lisas death we sent a rose to my parents and my five brothers and sister with the message, God gives us memories so we might have Roses in December. They each took their rose that cold, sad day and put it on her grave since we were in Pennsylvania and couldnt be there for her. She will not be forgotten.

Thank you for your love. You saved my life with your compassion and caring!

Evelyn Ralston

During that convention I heard numerous comments similar to Evelyns. Many said, You gave me hope when I didnt want to live. Others stated, We had hope for our marriage after we read Roses in December.

As I listened to each story, I heard God whisper in my ear, It wasnt wasted. It matters that they lived and that they died.

This past summer my husband Glen, our son Matthew, and I were the opening speakers for the International Conference of The Compassionate Friends in Philadelphia. Just before we spoke, a sparkly and smiling woman came up to me and said, Do you remember me? Im Evelyn! After talking with her, I asked Evelyn to send me the postscript to her story.

On December 8th, the anniversary of our Lisas death, the saddest day of every year for us, we received a phone call from my sister in West Virginia. She told us of a baby boy who was to be born and needed to be adopted. His birth mother was told of our loss of Lisa and the love we had for her. This birth mother then felt in her heart that she wanted us to have her baby!

Frank and I could only believe that receiving this news on such a sad day was truly a gift from God. The baby was not due until March, but can you believe he was born for us on February 14, 1995exactly 25 years to the day we were given our LisaValentines Day, 1970, a day meant for love. We knew in our hearts Lisa would be very happy for us.

Marilyn, the love and encouragement we received from your book, Roses in December, gave us the strength to face the future and deal with our emptiness. Frank and I became leaders of the Wyoming Valley Chapter of The Compassionate Friends of Northeastern Pennsylvania. We found by helping others we were helping ourselves.