Jan Frank - Door of Hope: Recognizing and Resolving the Pains of Your Past

JAN FRANK

Copyright 1995 by Jan Frank
Original copyright 1993 by Jan Frank
All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION of the Bible. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scripture quotations noted NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishing House. All rights reserved.

The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

Scripture quotations noted AMPLIFIED BIBLE are from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE: Old Testament Copyright 1962, 1964 by Zondervan Publishing House (used by permission); and from THE AMPLIFIED NEW TESTAMENT. Copyright 1958 by the Lockman Foundation (used by permission).

Scripture quotations noted KJV are from The Holy Bible, KING JAMES VERSION.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Frank, Jan.

Door of hope : recognizing and resolving the pains of your past / Jan Frank. Rev. & updated.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-10 0-7852-7966-0

ISBN-13 978-0-7852-7966-2

1. Abused womenPastoral counseling of. 2. Incest victimsPastoral counseling of. 3. Adult child abuse victimsPastoral counseling of. 4. Christian life 1960- 5. Frank, Jan. I. Title.

BV4445.5.F73 1995

248.8'6-dc20

94-24343
CIP

Printed in the United States of America

20 21 RRD 08 07

This book is dedicated to my dear husband, Don, whose patience, support and love sustained me during the healing process detailed in this book. It was through his encouragement, self-sacrifice and commitment to the Lord's purpose in our lives that this book was completed.

And to our little girls, Heather and Kellie, whom the Lord continually uses to teach me about His Father's heart of love.

CONTENTS

S everal years ago at a seminar in Tulsa, the noted therapist Karl Menninger made this statement: "In the USA today, incest is becoming about as commonplace as shoplifting." At the time I was startled and thought he might be exaggerating. Unfortunately, the rapidly-rising statistics and my own counseling experience confirm how accurate he was.

Only in recent years has the church acknowledged the fact that incest is prevalent within the Christian community. How well I remember helping a young co-ed from a conservative Christian family find healing from her devastating memories of incest. When she finally reminded her mother of how she had tried as a teenager to tell her, the mother broke down and confessed that, because she, too, had been a victim, she didn't know what to do. Later, when they both shared this with an elderly grandmother, she wept and confessed to the same experience. The greatest tragedy was that, when both mother and daughter had gone to their pastors for help, they were commanded not to tell anyone because "it would destroy the church!"

We owe Jan Frank a debt of gratitude, for with the publication of this book, she was one of the first to bring the problem to the attention of Christians. Her honesty and understanding about the hurt and humiliation of what she experienced gives other victims the courage necessary to face the truth, and the hope necessary to believe healing is possible. Her clearly outlined steps then provide practical suggestions for the painful process of recovery.

I have loaned her book out many times as a form of bibliotherapy for such women, and watched it help bring about transformation and wholeness in their lives. I also recommend it to pastors and counselors. They will find this new edition of her book, with the addendum of answers to the most frequently asked questions, more valuable than ever.

David A. Seamands,

Healing for Damaged Emotions

Special thanks to the many anonymous victims whose lives are represented in this book.

Thanks also to:

Lauren Briggs, who spent endless hours at her computer deciphering my handwriting and translating it into a readable manuscript.

Darlene Grierson, my sister-in-law, whose encouragement gave me confidence and whose knowledge of grammar and punctuation added clarity to the manuscript.

Pam Houston and Dr. Laurel Basbas, whose prayer support and faithfulness to God's call in their lives continue to encourage and minister healing to me.

Amy Clark, for her creativity in designing the cover, and all those at Thomas Nelson who respected my desire to maintain the Door of Hope photograph, taken by my friend, Chuck Noon, so many years ago.

Our devoted prayer group: Don, Mary, Lynn, Dave, Chris, and Mae, for faithfully praying for me during this project.

My dearest friends, Ginny and Patsy, whose love and friendship enrich my life and draw me close to my Savior.

Dotty Stephenson, who has been a spiritual mother to me and a devoted intercessor on my behalf.

My husband, Don, who has been God's choicest vessel in teaching me about the love of my heavenly Father.

The God of all comfort, whose love and mercy continue to bring healing to the heart of this child.

T he greatest joy I receive is knowing many, who through reading this book, have been encouraged to pursue God's healing and wholeness in their lives. Over the years I have learned that this journey is really not about recovery from sexual abuseit is about knowing God. I firmly believe that God wants to remove any obstacles in our lives that prevent us from knowing who we are in Him, and who He truly is. I rejoice when I hear of one person whose relationship with God has been transformed, a captive who's been set free from the bondage of the past, a prisoner liberated from the distortions planted by the enemy of our souls.

When I began praying about doing a revised version of the book, it seemed as though I kept hitting a roadblock. I did not have a peace about making major changes in the body of the manuscript. The more I prayed, the more I sensed the Lord leading me to compose an addendum of commonly asked questions and their answers. So many readers over the years have written me letters of encouragement, shared their painful histories, and asked numerous questions that have plagued their hearts.

The addendum reflects many of the questions I am commonly asked. It is important to note that, since these questions and answers can only provide general information, it may be necessary for you to obtain counsel from someone with whom you can share more personally.

Also, in the addendum I've attempted to provide an update of the continued healing God has done in my own life since the book was first published.

Thirteen years ago, at age twenty-seven, I had to face depression, anger, migraine headaches, a critical attitude, low self-esteem, and the feelings of distance from God that characterized my life. Now, at age forty, I look back and am in awe as I reflect upon God's immeasurable grace in my life. Now, instead of despair, I live with joy, peace, healing, intimacy with God, freedom, and redemption. He truly has restored to me the years the locusts had eaten. I can truly say that, if I had the power to change the events of my life, I would not