Philip A. Blessing - Seventy of Your Most Embarrassing Sex Questions — Answered: An intriguing insight about sexuality

Seventy of Your Most Embarrassing Sex Questions Answered

Introduction

What's sex really like? And are you the only one not doing it? Does it hurt the first time? Do you have to worry if you're only having oral sex? Read on for real answers and advice on hooking up, your first time, how to know you're ready, and more.

First time sex and intimacy

Q. The other day my boyfriend and I were hooking up, and he put his fingers inside my vagina. I was really surprised and didn't expect him to do it, but I let him anyway. While he was doing it, it started to hurt, so I told him to stop. Is this normal?

A. What you felt is totally normal. Vaginas are sensitive and need to be treated VERY gently. More importantly, though, your boyfriend should not be surprising you like this. If you and your partner want to get more physically intimate that needs to be a mutual decision not something that they decide on their own. If this is not a step you are comfortable with, let them know. Tell them, "I really like you, but I'm just not ready for this." It's not your responsibility to read your bee's mind, and they should always be asking for consent as you start to get more intimate with one another.

Q. How painful is sex the first time?

A. It varies. For some girls, there's no pain whatsoever; for others, sex can be uncomfortable. Some girls feel discomfort when the hymen stretches or tears, which can cause a little bleeding. Sometimes a girl may not be aroused (or she's feeling nervous) so her vagina isn't lubricated enough for a comfortable experience. Lubricated condoms can help. And of course, couples should always use a condom every time they have sex to protect against unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Sometimes it'll be uncomfortable for the first few tries, and then it will start to feel better. In general, though, if you're experiencing a lot of pain during sex, talk to your doctor.

Q.Everyone says that sex is fun and that it feels good. I'm a virgin and curious is that really true?

A. Yes, sex can be fun and feel good, but it's not true that sex just "feels good" across the board in any situation. It's impossible to separate the act of sex from the person you're doing it withor the person you are. Because if you're not really ready to be having sex, or you're doing it in the wrong relationship or with the wrong person, you'll be worrying about it way too much to enjoy it. But if you feel totally comfortable and cared about, and sex is something that you truly feel ready for, then yes! It can be an amazing experience.

Q. How do you know when you're really ready to have sex?
A. Sex is very intimate. It's not just physical, it can be emotional too. It's normal for teens to have strong sexual feelings, but it doesn't always mean you have to act on them. You can feel physically ready for sex but not be in the right relationship for any number of reasons. Because having sex can be so emotionally powerful, it's easy to get hurt. Sex is only part of a relationship. Other important things like trust, mutual respect, and caring need to be in place too. Finally, for all its magic, sex can have a downside, such as an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STD).

Q. Is it better to shave off all your pubic hair or to keep most of it and trim it?

A. The best thing to do with your pubes is...whatever you want! Seriously, they are yours, so the ultimate decision is up to you. Just like you don't dress in exactly the same clothes as your friends, you don't have to keep your pubes exactly how they have them either. There is no right or wrong here it's all about how you feel comfortable. And if you're worried about what your partner is going to think, know this: Being comfortable with your body is going to feel so much better than what your pubes look like. So trim or shave them or leave them as is (because body hair is natural) however you prefer.

Q. My boyfriend and have been talking about having sex, but I'm really nervous. I'm afraid something will go wrong.

A. Sex shouldn't hurt too much the first time, but it certainly can hurt a lot if you're not really ready for it. Being nervous can cause you to clench up your muscles, and if you and your partner haven't worked up to intercourse by making out and touching each other a lot first, your body won't be arousedand that can make things pretty uncomfortable. But here's the thing: If you're really scared about doing it, like you say you are, then it doesn't sound like you're truly ready. Having sex is a big responsibility because yes, there is always a chance something could go awry. Even if you use protection, the condom could break, and no birth control is 100% foolproof. There can be the risk of STDs, as well. You have every right to feel freaked about that and not want to risk it! But when you're really ready for it, you'll feel excited and safelike the way you feel before a rollercoastergood scared, not bad scared.

Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost nine months now and have only gotten to third base. Is this normal? Should I let him do more?

A. Deciding to take any kind of sexual step should be a mutual decision not something that you do just because your boyfriend wants to so there is nothing wrong with taking things as slow as you need to. (This may mean dating someone for months or even years without ever having sex!) If you enjoy hooking up and doing things other than sex, then keep doing that. It's totally normal. A lot of people like to work up to sex by experiencing the other bases first. And if you do at any point want to have sex, just be sure that you're doing it because you really want to, not because you feel like you should. There's no magic amount of time to be in a relationship where all of the sudden you need to have sex with a partner. Take your time, and wait until you're truly comfortable.

Q. My boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex. How do I know if he is just using me?

A. Sometimes in relationships one person is ready to have sex but the other isn't. This can be stressful you don't want to compromise what you're not ready for or what you believe. You need to do what is right for you . Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex isn't really thinking about what matters most to you. People who pressure others into having sex are only looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex. If you feel pressure to have sex because you're afraid of losing your boyfriend, it may be a sign that you're not in the right relationship. Sex isn't something you should feel you must do. Relationships are meant to be fun for both people. They should make you feel appreciated, respected, and supported, not pressured or uncomfortable. If your boyfriend truly cares about you, he won't pressure you to do something you don't believe in or aren't ready for. So talk with your boyfriend about how you feel. If he's the right guy for you, he'll understand.

Q. I always hear my friends talking about having sex with their boyfriends, but I want to have sex with my girlfriend. If I have sex with a girl, what technically counts as sex?
A. Sex is about trust, respect and intimacy, so there are a bunch of different ways that you can have sex. Oral sex or sex with a toy is something that two partners can share, as well as outer course techniques like fingering and mutual masturbation. Sex with a same sex partner most definitely counts as sex.

Q. If I have sex with a girl, am I technically losing my virginity?
A. Virginity is a fraught topic because of how differently it's handled when it comes to guys and girls. Guys are encouraged to get their virginity over with that they won't be good when they first start having sex and that's OK because it's a process, etc. Meanwhile, girls are told that virginity is a gift that you need to hold onto, that it's some kind of commodity and that you're "losing" something once you have sex for the first time. Virginity is yours and yours alone, and you choose what to do with it. Some people may never sleep with guys (they may sleep with girls or transgender people), and they're obviously still not virgins at that point. Sex is about intense intimacy with another human being, so you can "lose your virginity" a number of ways