Lanie Stevens - BREAKUP to MAKEUP: How to Get Your Ex Back: Dating & Relationship Advice

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. - - Ernest Hemingway

If you are newly single, or newly dumped, you are probably going over and over in your mind the beginning of your relationship and just how magical it was. Wondering what went wrong and remembering all of the little things that he did, said or expressed and missing him like crazy. You most likely didnt see this coming and were blindsided by the breakup. Even if it has happened to you before with the same person, and there is a pattern of instability, you most likely were not prepared for it to happen again. Torturing yourself with repetitive negative thoughts isnt going to bring him back or make you stronger. It will end up being destructive to you and your future with your ex.

Asking yourself: What went wrong? Why did he leave? Does he still love me? These are all normal questions, and understandable, but the questions are futile because it doesnt really matter. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past no matter how much time and energy you waste by focusing on it! Projecting into the future with statements like these may sabotage your relationship and make you feel totally helpless: Can I get him back? Is he with someone else? How can I live without him? You can begin today to change the outcome of a breakup and that is what you will begin doing immediately with the help of a few simple, yet effective exercises.

If your man loved you, desired you or had ANY feelings toward you whatsoever you can ignite them again. Thats the good news! You have a distinct advantage over all other females he comes into contact with because he has already given his heart to you -- once. Therefore, giving it to you again will be easier and faster if you work quickly to take control of the situation and your emotions.

I am assuming that the ex is someone who is worthy of your time, attention and affection. If he were a serial cheater, an abuser or a player I wouldnt waste my time on getting him back. I would simply realize that I dodged a bullet and move on in my life. However, if he was a quality man and you still love him then these steps will increase the likelihood that he will return but as an even better mate than before.

First of all, you must ask yourself whether he broke up with you in a manner befitting your relationship. A woman I counseled was in an on again off again relationship for 9 years with a man who would simply disappear when he got bored and decided he wanted to chase someone new. After being with him this last time for 8 months he left the country for a vacation with another woman and didnt even bother to tell Kathy he was going. It was only by accident she found out and when he returned he didnt bother to contact her for another two months! When he did contact her he acted as if nothing was different between the two of them. Unforgivable behavior like this should not be tolerated and she should never allow this man back into her life no matter how much she loves him and with my assistance she wont succumb to his charm again.

Why? He has proven that he has no respect for her or her feelings and he is not ever going to change. He knew he hurt her when he did the same thing numerous times but he never changed his behavior. Why waste more time on someone who is not a good choice for a mate? She desires someone she can count on and he has proven time and time again that he is not that person. If he loved her and respected her, even as a friend, he would not abuse their relationship the way he has.

How your man breaks up with you says a lot about his character. A real man will sit down with you face-to-face and explain why he does not want to continue the relationship. A man who is a selfish narcissist and has no respect for you will disappear only to re-appear when he has satisfied his needs and selfish desires elsewhere and wants the comfort and safety of your relationship and love. In other words he is not interested in a long-term relationship and only seeks out comfort and love when he desires it and he does not concern himself with your needs. A man who will send you a text message to breakup is a coward and thinks very little of the relationship. The way he breaks it off will speak volumes about him as a person and as a potential lifetime mate.