Laura Doyle - The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband’s Time, Attention, and Affection

Praise for The Empowered Wife

Laura Doyle truly understands how the modern marriage works. Her modern approaches are eye-opening and marriage-saving!

John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars,
Women Are from Venus

Laura Doyle does it again with The Empowered Wife, and this time, shes not alone. The anecdotes from other women underline her lesson: women hold the key to improving our marriages.

Fawn Weaver, New York Times bestselling author
of Happy Wives Club

Six Surprising Secrets for
Attracting Your Husbands TIME,
ATTENTION, and AFFECTION

Laura Doyle

New York Times Bestselling Author of

The Surrendered Wife

The Surrendered Single

Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand

BenBella Books, Inc.
Dallas, Texas

Copyright 2017 by Laura Doyle

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

BenBella Books, Inc.

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First E-Book Edition: March 2017.

eISBN: 978-1-944648-60-2

The Library of Congress has cataloged an earlier edition as follows:

Doyle, Laura.

First, kill all the marriage counselors: modern-day secrets to being desired, cherished, and adored for life / Laura Doyle.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-940363-86-8 (paperback) ISBN 978-1-940363-96-7 (electronic) 1.

MarriagePsychological aspects. 2. WivesPsychology. 3. HusbandsPsychology. 4.

Man-woman relationshipsPsychological aspects. 5. Interpersonal conflict. 6. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.

HQ734.D788 2015

306.81dc23

2014046311

Editing by Erin Kelley and

Alexa Stevenson

Copyediting by Oriana Leckert

Proofreading by Amy Zarkos and

Cape Cod Compositors, Inc.

Author photo by Tara Shannon

Cover design by Sarah Dombrowsky

Text design by Publishers Design and

Production Services, Inc.

Text composition by Integra Software

Services Pvt. Ltd.

Supplemental design and composition

by Aaron Edmiston

Printed by Lake Book Manufacturing

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Please contact Aida Herrera at .

For all the certified coaches who have trained with me
because of their passion and commitment to their own
relationships and their desire to help other women. You
move me every single day. I couldnt do what I do without
you. Thank you for sharing my vision to end world
divorce and standing shoulder to shoulder with me.

And for John, whose steady presence has
helped me become my best self.

The Breakdown before
the Breakthrough

Every master was once a disaster.

T. Harv Eker, Author and Motivational Speaker

My Husband Was a Loser

At the lowest point in my marriage, I was absolutely convinced that I had married the wrong person. I was sure that my husband, John, was not as smart, spiritually evolved, or capable as I was. I believed I had made a bad choice. Secretly, I was embarrassed by him.

(Maybe it wasnt so secret.)

In the early years, I thought that as his wife, well, I would just help him become a better person!

Armed with recommendations from experts who encouraged me to be direct about my complaints lest they fester into resentment, I explained to John that it would be a lot more romantic if instead of watching so much TV, for example, hed surprise me by taking me out.

I let him know that I was deeply concerned that he wasnt initiating much activity in the bedroom, and that he wasnt making enough of an effort to spend time with me.

I showed him how he could be more ambitious at work by telling him what to say to his boss to ask for a raise.

I pointed out the shortcomings in his diet (no veggies!) and made suggestions for how he might cut back on junk food.

As you will no doubt be shocked to learn, none of this motivated my husband to change or improve himselfnor did it improve our relationship. Quite the opposite: He dug in his heels and seemed more committed than ever to doing the things that bothered me.

We argued. A lot.

I understood that my husband didnt like to be criticizedno one does. Of course he wanted to feel a sense of autonomy over his own lifewe all do. But what about the things that were important to me? He didnt seem to care about those, no matter how much I explained or how hard I tried to make him understand.

My Marriage Was Hopeless

I read lots of articles and books on how to have a better relationship. Communication was supposedly key, but my husband was not responding the way I wanted him to. He didnt even seem to be listening. Most of the time I felt that he was just tuning me out, which was infuriating. How could he be more interested in watching a rerun than talking to me, or even making love?

Six years into the marriage, it was clear that my husband would never do the things that he knewbecause Id told him!would improve our relationship and make me happy. It was the source of near-constant bickering and several knock-down, drag-out fights.

I insisted we go to marriage counseling, and he reluctantly agreed, but six months later, our problems had only gotten worse.

I realized that my husband was never going to open up about his feelings, or help out more around the house, or make an effort to spend time with me, or say the tender, loving things I craved.

I felt trapped. I was deeply hurt and afraid that I would never have the kind of marriage Id envisioned, one where wed have long talks, enjoy lots of physical passion, and laugh together.

At least, not while I was married to him.

What No One Ever Taught Us

No one signs up for an okay relationship. No one gets married because they dont have enough hard work already. You made a vow because you wanted to love and be loved, to have a sense of family, to know that theres someone in the world who will worry about you if you dont come home at the usual time. You signed up for marriage because you believed you had found someone you could truly count on, and because you felt so good and happy in the company of your beloved that you wanted that person by your side forever.

But most couples struggle. With a divorce every thirteen seconds in the United States, and many more unhappy marriages limping along, millions of couples are at risk for expensive legal battles and crippling heartache.