Block - Cracking the Love Code

Copyright 2009 by Joel Block, Ph.D.

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Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the author assumes no responsibilities for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein.

Note: This publication contains the views and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance a competent health care provider should be consulted.

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To contact Dr. Block:

Phone: 631.423.2388

email:

website: www.DrBlock.com

For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof the work for which all other work is but preparation.

Rainer Maria Rilke

J oel Block, Ph.D. is a psychologist practicing couple therapy on Long Island, New York, where he has been honored with the Marriage and Family Therapist of the Year award.

A Diplomate of the American Board of Professional Psychology, Dr. Block is a Senior Psychologist on the staff of North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System and an Assistant Clinical Professor at the Einstein College of Medicine.

He is the author of numerous magazine articles and nineteen books, including The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He WillOr Will NotLove, Honor and Marry You, The Marriage-Work Connection: A Couples Guide to Balancing Your Life Together, Naked Intimacy: How to Increase True Openness in Your Relationship, Broken Promises, Mended Hearts: Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships, Sex Over 50, The Art of the Quickie: Fast Sex, Fast Orgasm, Anytime, Anywhere and Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your RelationshipWithout Leaving the Bedroom. He is the creator of CelebratedConnections, a relationship compatibility test being licensed to I-dating and social media sites.

Dr. Block has appeared on several national television shows, including twice on each of the morning news shows (CBS, NBC, ABC). He has done countless radio shows and has been a psychology consultant to ABC.

The story you are about to read is a mystery that we are all going to experience. It is the mystery of what keeps the fires of love glowing. There are lots of stories like this one, but none of the others include answers. This one does.

Well follow the love life of Mike and Linda a couple that represent you and me. They met and fell in love and had the kind of romantic days and nights they thought were reserved for the happy endings of Hollywood blockbuster movies.

He would be her strength, her joy and her safety. She would be his lover, his best friend, and his anchor in life. They would even get each others humor. What more to ask?

But then the familiar of real life happened. Fresh squeezed orange juice and eggs Benedict in the morning became pop-up pastries and instant coffee. Intimate dinners with champagne and nights lying in each others arms became frozen pizza and beer, followed by snoring in front of the TV.

Im super persistent. Cracking the Love Code has bugged me for too long!

Conversation that used to be animated and personal became stilted and functional. Talking from the heart had gradually been replaced with playing it safe, excluding anything controversial from their relationship in an effort to keep the peace.

Formerly best friends and lovers, Michael and Linda found themselves separated by a gulf of resentment and avoidance.

We are all Mike and Linda; their story is our story.

Im a psychologist and couples therapist, but it is no shame to acknowledge that Ive had my own relationship issues as well. Anyone who says they havent is in denial.

Quick tips? 7 Ways to do this and 5 Ways to do that? Not Happening!

Im also doggedly persistent and after years of writing about and treating couples as well as living a coupled life, I believe Ive figured out what lies beneath the surface of a lasting love. Its not romance. The beginning of love is wonderful, but the test of love comes over time.

Dont look for the 7 Guaranteed Love Tips that we see on the cover of Cosmo. If they worked wed all be blissfully in love, and were not. There are already enough books detailing the rules for fair fighting and the principles of good communicationIve written a bunch of them myself.

It has been my experience that these pat guidelines are like weight-management books; the only people they work for are those that dont need them. Even if they do work, after a short time we all fall back to the familiar habits.

Come along with me on the journey that Linda and Mike have taken. Unmask that wicked adversary that sabotages love so viciously. Find out what they have done to crack the code of love, and use what they have learned to protect and enliven your love life.

Joel Block, Ph.D.

Y ou come to love, not to remake your partner according to your vision, but to accept your partner, as you hope to accept yourself, blemishes and all.

It was two-years pre-Katrina in New Orleans. Two women sat at a table in a busy, outdoor caf, having lunch and enjoying the sights. Linda, 38, a pretty blond with deep green eyes, a sparingly freckled face and a few extra pounds behind her, observed a couple to her right.

Look at them, she said to her tall, slim, 41-year-old friend Carol, seated across from her. They havent said a word. He eats, and she watches.

Maybe shes not hungry, Carol mused, then chuckled. Or maybe he didnt say she could eat yet? She flicked her long dark hair as she studied them openly, somewhat cat-like, with inquisitive brown eyes.

Things, as far as Lindas marriage was concerned, totally sucked.

Linda smiled. She envied her attractive friend. Carol was not married, had a wonderful career in clothing design and found the most interesting men to date. You mean like that guy from Ku wait you dated last year?

Carol laughed openly. You have to admit he was different. She looked over at the couple. Oh, look! Shes having her coffee!

Linda stifled a laugh. Carol, not so loud!

But the other couple was oblivious to their conversation and after a few moments, Linda picked it up. Are you still seeing Rick?

No, and dont waste any sympathy on me over that one.

Didnt work out?

Let me tell you, as soon as I got up in the morning, the phone was ringingAre you okay? How did you sleep? Were those neighbors cutting the lawn again? Because Im sure there are noise ordinances Oh my god. It was awful.

Linda smiled. He was your second mother.

Second? Carol said. My first wasnt that bad! How about you and that sexy thing you marriedstill having fun after all these years?