Cox - Hot love: how to get it

I told my best friend I was writing a book about relationships and she spat wine halfway across the bar. You cant! she said. Youre, you know, divorced !

Oh my God ! I said. Id completely forgotten.

Not. Look, I admit it. It doesnt make me feel terribly confident either when Im described as Sex and Relationships Expert. Divorced. It does sound like a contradiction in terms, so I thought Id better explain myself up front.

What qualifies me as a relationships expert? Well, Ive got a psychology degree. Ive also spent more than a decade writing, researching and talking about sex and relationships. I was Cosmopolitan s agony aunt, presented a talk-back radio show and lots of telly programs on relationships as well as website stuff and body language research oh, and Ive had, er, lots of practice. Ive been married and divorced. Ive had six-week flings, several two-year this-must-be-the-one live-in relationships, first-date fizzles, four-year triumphs (and yes, the odd overnighter as well). But if you want reassurance that I met, married and am currently snuggled up on the couch with Mr Bloody Perfect, youre reading the wrong book. I just happen to know a bit more than the average person about relationships on both an academic and personal basis. (And I have to say, out of the two, Ive probably learnt more from experience and talking to real people than I have from those psychological studies, however fascinating they are.)

This book is for singles and couples, men and women, heterosexuals, bisexuals, gays and lesbians. While its predominantly addressed to straight couples (simply because constantly writing girl, boy or boy, boy or girl, girl all the time would have been confusing), all the advice applies to every couple combination.

Unfortunately, reading the books the easy bit. You could devour Hot Love cover to cover, be able to recite extracts off by heart, and still not benefit one iota. Knowledge will only get you so far: youve got to practise what Ive preached. Thats what people mean when they say, You have to work hard at relationships. You do. But its not really work, is it? Its more about finding out about each other, exploring each others minds, hearts and bodies, treating each other nicely and loving each other to death. If thats hard work, Im volunteering for community service at whatever male model agency Calvin Klein use.

Hot Love will never be finished to my satisfaction because, every day, I discover something new about relationships. The temptation to keep on adding bits is enormous but I had to stop somewhere. So this is it: a selection of the good bits from Hot Relationships , packaged into a pocket size so you can have Hot Love wherever you fancy. Enjoy!

While this book unashamedly celebrates love, you havent got a hope of finding a fab partner until you relax about it. Fall in love with being single and all sorts of doors spring open. Of all the single people I know, its the people who like being single, who arent waiting around for their matching bookend, who get asked out the most. Theyre not gorgeous, just interesting, fun people to be around. So keep reading at your own risk. If my advice works, you might not just end up being happy solo, you might prefer it (at least for a little while). Besides, youve got no choice but to enjoy being single. Moon around, focus on all the bad things about it, put everything on hold until they come along and I guarantee youll be miserable for life. You wont be happy single and you wont be happy in a relationship either because sorry! youre never going to attract anyone worth knowing with an attitude like that.

TEN GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING SINGLE

Instead of slipping into that woe-is-me stuff, why not rejoice in the freedom and excitement of your current state. After all, you already have a brilliant life-long partner and playmate permanently by your side. You!

Here are ten more very good reasons why you should jealously guard your singleton status rather than rush into the wrong relationship just for the sake of it.

FOR HIM

1. You dont have to answer to anyone.
2. No one rolls their eyes when the remote accidentally sticks on the sports channel.
3. You can clip your toenails without someone vomiting in the background.
4. Playboy gets pride of place on the coffee table and no one lectures you about how much porn degrades women.