Carolyn Evans - Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage

Table of Contents

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPRY

Introduction

During a bleak mid-January week, with my marriage poised for a downward spiral alongside the economy, I tried to come up with a fantastic 40th birthday present for my husband. Completely by accident, I stumbled across an idea that evolved into something big enough to rock my husbands birthday and save my marriageits called The Forty Beads Method.

Forty Beads is all about The Forty Beads Methodwhat it is, why it works, and exactly how to use it to create lasting, positive changes in your relationship. In a nutshell, The Forty Beads Method is a sweet little token system that gets rid of all that nasty negative tension that builds up around sex (specifically, the frequency with which it does or does not occur) and replaces it with the sex life you always thought you should have, which in turn creates the relationship youve always wanted. It works by magically harnessing that easy feeling of connectedness that follows a roll in the hay and using that energy to continually benefit your relationship.

Who knew this was possible? Not me. I didnt set out to discover a whole new way of approaching sex in my marriage. The Method evolved as I back-pedaled on my ridiculous offer to give my husband 40 straight days of sex for his 40th birthday. He was concerned about missing days if he pulled a hamstring or something, and I really wasnt sure I had the stamina it would take to go that kind of distance with the deed. So instead of 40 straight days of sex, he got 40 tokensBeads, actuallyeach one good for one roll in the hay. Thats how it all started, and its changed our livesfor the better and in a big way. The Beads have even changed how I feel about sex. The Forty Beads Method creates a situation where, for the first time in our marriage, my husband and I are on the same page sexually. Bet you didnt think that was a possibility, did you? Well, it is.

I have a big mouth, and of course I told all my friends about it. Some were immediately intrigued and wanted to get Beading right away. Others were horrified at first but came around to the idea over time after seeing the difference it has made in my marriage. Then I started thinking, why Bead in a vacuum? I already had all these solo Beaders out there checking in with me on a regular basis. Why not get women Beading in groups? It started with a local Bead club in my hometown and has expanded from there. Women getting together, drinking wine, laughing, and supporting each other as they deepen their relationships using The Forty Beads Method.

There are some specific rules of Beading that I call The Forty Beads Creed along with some important dos and donts, but really, The Forty Beads Method is fun, simple to use, and it produces profound, lasting results. This book offers a new angle on something you already knowthat sex is a critical ingredient in the recipe of a successful marriageand a creative approach for pulling it to the front burner of your marital cooktop. Forty Beads does not dispense advice on the actual deed. (Plenty of other books do that.) Its all about getting you to the sheets (not about what you do once you get there) and, in the process, developing the kick-ass marriage you deserve.

Throughout this book I will be referring to heterosexual marriage. This is because the heterosexual marriage is what I know best and absolutely not because I wish to exclude homosexual couples from these pages or The Forty Beads Method. The Method assumes a disparity that often exists between the male and female libidos and offers a way to close that gap. I know that the same disparity can and does exist with some homosexual couples. And although to date, I havent had a same-sex couple take The Forty Beads Method for a test drive, it is my hope that The Method will offer the same transformational experience for homosexual couples who struggle with conflicting sex drives.

The Forty Beads Method is for you if you love your husband (Im going to use the word husband throughout this book, but feel free to substitute life partner, lover, UPS manwhatever) and want to stay married to him, but you maybe dont like him very much lately or the like comes and goes (a lot). The Forty Beads Method is for you if you have this nagging feeling that things could be way better, that your relationship is missing something, and/or youre an American Idol junkie who stays up much later than your husband to see which wannabe rocker will flash in the pan next. The Forty Beads Method is definitely for you if your husband walks around with one eyebrow at an angle and forms a full-on V when he looks at you, but you cant figure out why hes so pissed since theres really no time for sexwhat with doing laundry, taking care of the kids, and making dinner. Heres a hint, ladies: The house can be a total wreck and the baby shirtless in a sagging wet diaper, but if hes getting laid regularly, hes cool with it. All of it. Because theres one thing thats more important to your husband than everything else combined, multiplied by ten and raised to the fourth power: SEX.

The Forty Beads Method is not for you if youre committed to the status quo and have little or no interest in change. The Forty Beads Method is not for you if your husband is your souls twin and he gets you all the time, without exception, and you never experience any confusion, anger, or guilt associated with sex. By the way, if thats your situation, you two make up part of the .0002% of all relationships. You have uncovered the Holy Grail of couplehood, that which the rest of us dream about and bust our asses trying to achieve. Id just like to say, from all of us who havent gotten there yet, Congratulations. Oh, and we hate you. Finally, The Forty Beads Method is not for you if youre married to a complete asshole or a total douche bag. It happens. Find a different book, and get out as quick as you can.

When you read my story, youll understand how The Forty Beads Method evolved quite organically. Im a town crier of sorts and not easily convinced of much, so if I find something that works, whether its hair gel or yoga pants that suck my butt in and up, I want everybody to know about it. I wrote this book because I just had to tell you. Because I suspect that what works for me, my friends, and my fellow Beaders just might do the trick for you, too.

In Part 1, Ill tell you the story of how I stumbled across 40 Venetian beads that changed my life and my marriage in a big way. The rest of the book will be all about The Forty Beads Method. Im a fan of books with crystallized nugget chapters, and I want Forty Beads to be something you can read a chapter of while waiting in the carpool line and then shove between the seats when the kids get in the car. So, over the course of 40 short chapters, Ill explain all the reasons why The Forty Beads Method works, how it works, and what you can expect if you decide to get the Beads working for you. Im going to assume that youre a little like me and at first blush will be somewhat freaked out by what these 40 Beads represent. Thats okay, but hear me out in Part 2 (Sex: The Deal) on what I believe snags a lot of marriages and why it really is a big deal. I figure youll probably want some hard factsmaybe even some scientific datato back up what Im putting out there, so Part 3 (Just the Facts, Maam) is full of that. In Part 4 (Sex as Commerce), Ill explain how sex in a marriage acts a lot like a commodity and why The Forty Beads Method isnt such a crazy idea. Part 5 (Getting Your Bead On) is the how-to portion of the bookits all about getting busy with the Beads and the rules of fair play. In Part 6 (The Beadefits), Ill explain why The Forty Beads Method really is worth the trouble and tell you all about the big shift that happens from the moment you put your Beads into action. Because I didnt think you should just take my word for it, throughout the book Ive included the experiences of my fellow Beadersamusing anecdotes, white-knuckle moments, and reasons why they believe in the power of the Bead.