Ruth Dickson - Now That Youve Got Me Here, What Are We Going to Do?

Ruth Dickson

FOREWORD

If you read the title page of this opus, you will note that it was originally published in 1972. The actual writing process took place in 1970-71, primarily on an idyllic Greek Isle while cohabiting with an idyllic Greek god, which might explain some of the more lyrical passages. On the whole, however, what you will see hereinafter is pretty straightforward information which holds as true today as it did forty years ago.

As long as the basic equipment doesn't change, sexual activity is going to remain fairly consistent. Some of the vocabulary, attitudes and practices may undergo an upgrade, but the primary elements of mutually satisfactory intimacy remain fairly consistent; the classics never go out of style.

Possibly some of you are wondering what happened to the aforementioned Greek god affair. So am I. Actually, due to a family emergency, I was forced to leave Greece and return to the States, hastily leaving my lovelife without a satisfying conclusion. However, that's probably just as well; think how dull the play would have been if Romeo had married Juliet in the end. Besides, I think it's far better to leave the memory of my young Adonis intact than to have watched him age into a paunchy, balding replica of his father.

Yes, of course there were others after him...many others, some more memorable than others, each with his own story, all with varying strengths, weaknesses and proclivities, but as seen now through my rearview mirror, appear smaller than they probably were. No matter. Sex was then, is now and will always be a fun-filled driving force of life, from beginning to end. And yes, it does live as long as you do. Take it from a well-aged lady whose first priority is fresh batteries in her bedside toys. (Well, you surely don't think I want anything to do with those saggy old dudes of my generation, do you?)

Enough about me. This book is for you...to read, to absorb and to share. Preferably in bed. Enjoy!

Ruth Dickson

Fall, 2011.

CHAPTER ONE

Why This Book Is Necessary

If you read the title page of this book, you'll note that it is specifically called a non-marriage manual. Aside from the fact that there are already scores of books on the market designed for married couples, there are also whole platoons of marriage counselors, family planners and other moral busybodies dedicating their lives to the futile task of trying to salvage the wreckage of the connubial system. [See: Marriage Is a Bad Habit] In other words, the marrieds have all the help they can use in solving their sexual adjustment problems, as well as the dozens of other daily traumas with which they are faced.

But we single types have an entirely different set of puzzles to solve in regard to our sex lives. Although we've finally gone beyond the phase of having to pretend we don't have any, it's an unfortunate fact that education has lagged far behind liberation. The starting gun in the big race to bed went off several years ago**, but nobody seems to know the rules, or even where the finish line is. Single people are hopping in and out of bed with each other in an orgiastic frenzy, but the quantity of their sexual activity has outdistanced the quality to an appalling degree.

So this is, in effect, a self-defense manual. Personally, I've had it up to here with the deplorable bed manners I've encountered since my own liberation from marriage. Too much highly unsatisfactory experience has shown me that not one man in fifty has the slightest grasp of Good-Lovership; what's even worse, few of those inadequate lovers seem aware of their own ignorance.

Not that men are the only ones at fault, naturally. Both parties need to know what they're about, if sex is to be the happy experience it deserves to be, so I've included a section of helpful hints to the ladies, too. But I believe that sex education has to start with men, simply because they are still the ones who take the initiative most of the time. Besides, men need to know more than women, since the female is, sexually speaking, so much more complicated than the male.

Fifty years ago, despite the fact that there was widespread sexual repression and ignorance, a book like this was far less necessary than it is today. In those days, a woman usually had only one man in her life, and she was married to him. If she were very lucky, she would be able to make a satisfactory adjustment to his sexual habits and maybe even have a little sneaky fun herselfif she could be very, very quiet about her orgasms. But even if she never experienced one it was no great loss. Nobody talked about sexual pleasure for the female, except in horrified whispers, so she didn't know what she was missing arid therefore didn't miss it. At least not consciously. (Lord only knows what kind of dreams those Victorian ladies had!).

But the picture has changed in our present era of so-called sexual freedom. There's hardly a virgin left over the age of sixteen. Youngsters are experimenting with each other at younger and younger ages every year, which I think is fine and healthy. The trouble is, none of them know what they're supposed to be doing once they lie down with each other, so they grow up just as ignorant of decent technique as their grandparents. The only fact most boys seem to have grasped is that a girl is supposed to experience a sexual climax, but how to get her there is still a matter of hit and miss. And it's the lucky miss indeed who hits with any frequency.

It seems to me that in the old days, when it was a big deal for a man to bed an unmarried woman, his follow through was a lot better. He mastered the entire art of seduction, from the first tentative touch to the final knockout, making it at least worthwhile for the woman to succumb. Nowadays, however, since it's become a simple matter of your place or mine?, the art of seduction as well as the basic skills of lovemaking itself have become non-existent. And that's a crying shame. I mean, what's the use of having all that potential fun available if the end result is nothing but a crashing bore?

It's not that I object to the casual approach to sex, or even that you might not know a man's last name before your clothes come off. What does bother me is what happens, or more accurately, what doesn't happen once you've been bedded. Men today seem to think that all they have to know about lovemaking is how to assume a reclining position. What's more, if they do have the sense to realize they might need a little technical instruction, whom do they ask? Each other. The one place a man never seems to go for information on how to please a woman is to a woman. They persist in fumbling around, behaving as though they know everything there is to know about sex, just as they think they know about everything else. I know that sounds a little bitter, but I just got through trying to put together a meal for a man in a kitchen designed by a man. The kitchen probably looked great on the drawing board, but who cooks on a drawing board? And that's exactly the way too many men approach sexual knowledge. They've tried to design woman to their own specifications, using their own subjective conjectures, then blame her when she doesn't get off the ground.

As the most blatant case in point, look at the irreparable damage Freud did with his maniacal vaginal orgasm theory. Because he was a man, and therefore owned a penis, he decided that since it felt good to