Tonya Reiman - The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy

ALSO BY TONYA REIMAN

The Power of Body Language

The Yes Factor

Gallery Books
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2012 by Tonya Reiman

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or
portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address
Gallery Books Subsidiary Rights Department,
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Gallery Books hardcover edition January 2012

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trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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Designed by Kyoko Watanabe
Jacket photography by Michael Frost

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Reiman, Tonya.
The body language of dating : read his signals, send your own, and
get the guy / Tonya Reiman.
p. cm.
1. Body language. 2. Dating (Social customs) 3. Nonverbal
communication. I. Title.
BF637.N66R447 2011
646.77dc23

2011020631

ISBN 978-1-4516-2434-2
ISBN 978-1-4516-2436-6 (eBook)

To my wonderful family. You are the core of my life and
keep me grounded. I am grateful for you everyday.

To Laura Dail, thank you for believing in me. Your professional and sometimes emotional support is appreciated far more than you will ever know.

Thanks to everyone at Simon & Schuster who have been such a pleasure to work with: Anthony Ziccardi, Louise Burke, Parisa Zolfaghari, and Lisa Litwack. A special thank you to Abby Zidle, my editor, for your patience, guidance, and wonderful sense of humor.

A gigantic thank you to Jacinda Little for helping me turn my words and thoughts from meekness to me-nessyour wordsmithing capabilities have made this book brilliant, delicious, and fun.

ATTRACTION:

Its biological.

Its physical.

Its chemical.

Its mental.

But it doesnt end there. Its also:

Detectable

Manageable

Maneuverable

Attraction cannot be held in your hand. It cant be displayed in a storefront, nor can it be bottled and sold. In fact, attraction may be one of the last true intangibles left in this world.

But dont let it fool you, it really does exist; and with that existence comes your very own ability to harness its power.

Within these pages, youll not only discover how to display the body language necessary for making solid dating connections, youll also learn about man himself: his origins, his evolutionary journey, the purpose of his form, and how he differs from us. In the first half, youll become acquainted with the human male; in the second, youll learn how to make the acquaintance of a fine specimen, chosen by you. By learning about the evolutionary background of man, youll come to understand his nonverbal signals while using your own silent messages to tug on his emotional mindstrings.

Much of my wondering about the workings and nuances of attraction began on a rather nondescript evening at home, the television humming in the background, the babes resting like angels in their beds, and my husband, Kenny, sitting across from me at the kitchen counter, carefully spreading peanut butter onto fresh, soft white bread.

At that moment, as I studied his full head of thick hair, his watchful eyes that traced the knifes path along the edge of his carefully drawn peanut butter line, his sinewy forearms as he pressed the blade of the knife into the sandwich to cut it, the twinkle in his eye as he extended half to me... I wondered, Why did we choose each other?

Of course, I know why I married Kenny. I found in him the qualities that I knew I wanted in a lifelong mate, a father, a lover, and a companion. But before those qualities were made evident, physical attraction played a significant role in our story.

Whether Kenny realized it or not, I sat across from him that night and dissected every inch of his face: his lightly arched eyebrows; his boyish grin; the angle of his shoulders; the dark, wavy hair that fell haphazardly toward his right eye... even his earlobes. All of these things I loved, because I love my husband, but what did these features say to me when we first met? Did I consciously hear their messages, or was the majority of what they said subliminal?

What made his face handsome to me? Why had I passed up faces that were just as handsome, but less... something? What was it?

Maybe even more importantly, what drove him to choose me?

The days, months, and years following the dissection of my poor, dear husband have led to this: a book that answers the dozens, maybe hundreds, of questions that I had, and many other women still have, about the intricacies of human attraction.

Because Kenny and I chose to ride the flow of inborn chemical, sensory, and visceral reactions that human evolution had gifted both of us, we found each other. Despite the argument that physical appearance doesnt matter, it was largely responsible for bringing us together. We didnt invent the dance. We simply performed it.

When Kenny and I shook our tail feathers in that ancient, complicated mating dance, which had been choreographed over millions of years, we may not have realized that what we were participating in was an integral part of why the human species has survived for so long, and so hardily. In another time, Kenny could have been wearing nothing but a boar-bone nose ring and a scrap of mammoth hide when he sauntered over to my cave to rustle up some crocodile stew with a side of spicy blonde. I wouldnt have needed to utter a sound, a whistle, or a grunt while I served up a healthy portion of knowing glances, hair tossing, and backside brandishing.

Sure, fashion trends and the inclination toward hair removal may have evolved, but the human mating ritual stopped its transformation when it started succeeding in populating the earth. What has changed is the human connection to that mating formula. There are those of us who seem to have been born with an innate sexual instinct, and those of us who have not.

However, the news is better than good. The formula for dating and mating success can be taught. And it can be learned, rather easily, because every one of you has the ability to dance the dance. Its not difficult. You simply havent been taught the steps; or maybe you havent acquired the skills necessary for bridging from one step to the next.

As we tour the world of dating and mating, youll learn to define attractiveness. Youll learn to understand why, even though the Situation annoys you like a rattling dashboard, you cant seem to look away when the shirt comes up. Youll get a good handle on why the doctor whos pursuing his degree in massage therapy and holds a propensity for gift giving cant shimmy your shaker like the unemployed semi-amateur wrestler whos been living on your brothers couch for eight months.