Reiman - The power of body language : how to succeed in every business and social encounter

I would like to thank:

My mother, Denise, who loves me for two and never let me believe there was anything I couldnt do. My stepfather, Joe, for his unending encouragement and love. My mother- and father-in-law, Carol and Ken, who have given me love and support from the moment I became a part of their family. My sister- and brother-in-law, Lisa and Michael, who have been there at every crucial moment with me, holding my hand when I needed it. My Nana, who, I hope, knew she was my hero. Gram, for keeping in touch with me even when I couldnt keep in touch with her. All of my aunts and uncles who have sometimes been more like sisters and brothersespecially my Uncle Billy, whom I love dearly and who has taught me the meaning of courage during difficult times. My best girlfriend, Cari Rocher, hello from the pumpkin patchwe have shared so much of our lives together, and I am grateful for you every day. My friend, Skylr Monaghan, who has helped to push me to new limits and new learning. And my lifelong girlfriends, Donna Mascale and Aida Potata OLeary, always a part of me. Janine Driver, I am so glad I have come to know you.

Of course, thank you to the crew on Eagle who helped me whenever I needed it.

A special thanks to Bill OReilly for great conversations and the opportunity to bring body language to the masses. Thanks also to Jessie Watters for traveling with me along this exciting learning curve; David Huppert for the opportunity; and Sarah Haley for taking such great care of me.

To my buddies, Darianne Bramberg, Danielle Vignjevich, Frank Veronsky, Rhea Landig, BJ Gillian, Trevor Bowdenthank you for being the special people you are.

This book has been a team effort. I dont know where I would have been without my literary agent, Laura Dail, who was always by my side when I needed her, teaching me the ropes and being my greatest cheerleader. To my writing buddy, Mariska Van AalstI feel like we have been friends foreverthank you for your me ness.

Thanks to the wonderful people at Simon & Schuster, who have been superb leaders as well as caring listeners: Maggie Crawford, Anthony Ziccardi, Jean Anne Rose, Louise Burke, and Lisa Litwack.

Finally, I would also like to thank my past bosses who gave me such a hard time about short skirts, high heels, and long hair. You taught me more than you can imagine.

A s a body language expert, Im in the business of helping people understand each other better. I teach people how to study movements, gestures, and facial expressions so they can decode other peoples thoughts and feelings. The media often asks me to comment on the body language of famous or infamous people such as politicians, Hollywood celebrities, and criminals. Judging from the amount of media coverage they receive, nothing fascinates us more than the private lives of celebrities.

While individual celebrities may fascinate us, when two celebrities come together in love, we are transfixed. We create cute names for them, like TomKat and Brangelina. We track their dinner dates, their holiday plans, their baby bumps.

Thats why, when a celebrity manages to maintain some distance from the media and keep her private life somewhat private, were that much more curious. Few A-list celebrities have been as successful at holding the paparazzi at arms length as actor Rene Zellwegereven after her ill-fated marriage to Kenny Chesney.

Zellweger met Chesney, a quadruple-platinum country performing artist, in January of 2005 at a concert benefiting the victims of the tsunami. After a brief, intense courtship, they married in a small, romantic ceremony on the beach.

Then their whirlwind romance came to a crashing halt. A mere 128 days later, Zellweger filed for an annulment.

The gossip media was abuzz with wild speculation about the fast demise of the marriage. She had checked the box marked fraud on the annulment applicationwhat did that mean? Reporters, bloggers, and fans couldnt help but wonder, What kind of fraud? Was Chesney gay? Did Zellweger just discover it? Was she crushed?

Through it all, Zellweger maintained her dignity and stiff upper lip while under the constant watch of the public eye. She probably thought the story had gone away and that she was home free by December 2006, a full year after the annulment was finalized, when she appeared on Late Show with David Letterman to promote her new film, Miss Potter.

A frequent guest on the show, Zellweger had always enjoyed an easy, joking rapport with Letterman, who had customarily been warm, welcoming, and respectful to her.

That may have been why she was caught off guard when, after a cordial welcome, Letterman abruptly changed the subject and attempted to pin her down with a question about her marriage to Chesney. A week later, I had the opportunity to analyze Zellwegers body language on The OReilly Factor, and I was astonished by what I saw:

At first, Zellwegers signals telegraph a strong connection with Lettermanher body is turned toward him, her posture straight and tall, her shoulders back, her chest out. Shes maintaining eye contact with him, with her back to the cameras. Her legs are crossed in a pose universally seen as the sexiest sitting position for women, the leg twine, which highlights the muscle tone of her legs. She preens a bit, touching her hair and tossing her head, standard female signals of self-confidence, attraction, and interest. Shes playfully flirting with him and clearly anticipates that this encounter will be as pleasant as their earlier interviews.

The moment Letterman asks the question about Chesney, all of those rapport signals start to fall apart. Even as shes forcing a smile, teasing Letterman for having the temerity to ask, trying to keep the moment light, this Oscar-winning actors body language betrays how deeply hurt she is by the invasion. She completely stops making eye contact with him. She leans directly away from him, exposing her neck in a submissive gesture that shows how vulnerable she feels about the issue. As she sits up again, at the same moment, she shifts her body so her knees and feet point away from Letterman, and she orients her chest and shoulders toward the audience.

Having introduced the topic, Letterman continues with the line of questioning, although he, too, starts to change his body language. He averts his gaze and stares down, seeming to ask the desk his remaining questions.

Their rapport has disappeared. Both parties have stopped looking at each other. While Letterman and Zellweger both continue to speak to each other verbally and show outward social signs of making nice, their bodies relate an entirely different conversation. Her body language is saying, Im so angry and frustrated that you brought this up; his body is saying, Im sorry that I had to do thislets just get through it.