Barbara Carrellas - Ecstasy Is Necessary

Praise for

ECSTASY is NECESSARY

Barbara Carrellas is a brilliant writer. To Barbara, being sexual is as normal
and comfortable as breathing, and she would like all of us to feel this way.

Louise Hay, author of Empowering Women and You Can Heal Your Life

If you long for connection to sacred joy, to the extraordinary, and to the
healing power of full aliveness, then youll love this book.

Cheryl Richardson, author of You Can Create an Exceptional Life

Ecstasy Is Necessaryis destined to be a classic. Simply reading it
is an ecstatic experience.

Denise Linn, author of Secrets and Mysteries:
The Glory and Pleasure of Being a Woman

One of THE most brilliant books written on sex and relationships.

Mona Lisa Schulz, M.D., Ph.D., author of The Intuitive Advisor

Barbara Carrellas is a true visionary. This book will give you the tools to
create a bolder, more authentic, and satisfying sex life, but it goes much
deeper: its a road map for living a fuller, more conscious, and joyful life.

Tristan Taormino, author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and
Sustaining Open Relationships

The exact book we need for these troubled, and troubling, times.
Cultivating ecstasy as a spiritual practice, far from being selfish or shallow,
allows us to live more fully in the world, with energy and love to spare,
and share. More, please!

Nina Hartley, author of Nina Hartleys Guide to Total Sex

Barbara Carrellas is the worlds best ecstasy coach, and this book may
be the best investment youll ever make.

Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., sex educator, ecosexologist, artist

This informative, fun, irreverent book was a joy to read.

Judith Orloff, M.D., author of Positive Energy

In 1990, when Barbara appeared in my first Bodysex Workshop video,
I had no idea she would go on to become a sexual pioneer in her own right. In
Ecstasy Is Necessary, readers will find important, unexpected doorways
to undreamed-of sexual pleasure.

Betty Dodson, Ph.D., author of Sex for One: The Joy of Self-loving

Barbaras grounded, open-hearted, and respectful approach leads you to
discover your own personal ecstasy. This is an important book!

Jean Haner, author of The Wisdom of Your Face

Barbara Carrellas has given us a beautifully adventurous and useful work;
be prepared to journey in delight just reading this lovely book.

Dossie Easton, marriage and family therapist, co-author with Janet
Hardy of Radical Ecstasy and The Ethical Slut

This book is essential reading for anybody trying to attain new levels of
intimacy and intensity, not only in their sex lives but in their lives as a whole.

Janet W. Hardy, co-author of Radical Ecstasy and The Ethical Slut

Barbaras work is essential reading for anyone who wants to lead an ecstatic
life, and indeed for anyone who wishes only to live a happier one.

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of
The Essence of Tantric Sexuality and Tantra for Erotic Empowerment

Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans folks, and queers have been gathering under
an ever-increasing and unwieldy alphabet moniker. Finallythanks to Barbara
Carrellass new booktheres one letter that includes all of us and more. All
sex- and gender-positive people can claim E for ecstatic!

Kate Bornstein, author of A Queer and Pleasant Danger

Also by Barbara Carrellas

Luxurious Loving: Tantric Inspirations for Passion
and Pleasure Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

Copyright 2012 by Barbara Carrellas

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.:www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Cover design: Kate Basart/Union Pageworks
Cover photo: Joel Kubicki, Jr.
Interior design: Jenny Richards

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Carrellas, Barbara.
Ecstasy is necessary : a practical guide / Barbara Carrellas. 1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-4019-2847-6 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Sex. 2. Sex
(Psychology) 3. Ecstasy. 4. Sexual excitement. I. Title.
HQ23.C367 2012
306.77dc23 2011046412

Tradepaper ISBN: 978-1-4019-2847-6
Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-3109-4

15 14 13 12 4 3 2 1
1st edition, March 2012

Printed in the United States of America

For Anne Francis
(19302011)
and

Chester Mainard
(19532007)
My voices from home.

CONTENTS

Afterglows:

With this book, Im going to revive an old linguistic tradition.

My books, like all of my work, are for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, I like to write with gender-neutral pronouns. However, English is sadly lacking in such pronouns. In recent years clever people have come up with alternatives to the use of he as the pronoun that applies to all genders. But words like ze and hir have not caught on in popular usage and a vast number of people find the use of these new pronouns distracting.

I found my personal solution to this dilemma in the history of the English language. Did you know that prior to 1745 there was an accepted and commonly used universal pronoun? The person who changed all that was Anne Fisher, an 18th-century British schoolmistress and the first woman to write an English grammar book. In 1745 Anne wrote the hugely popular A New Grammar in which she decreed that the pronoun he should apply to both sexes. For centuries before that, the universal pronoun had been they. Writers as far back as Chaucer used it for masculine and feminine, singular and plural. So did Byron, Austen, Thackeray, Eliot, Dickens, Trollope, and more.