Driver - You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan

INTRODUCTION

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TEN

BONUS TEXT

APPENDIX

Mind not only what people say, but how they say it; and if you have any sagacity, you may discover more truth by your eyes than by your ears. People can say what they will, but they cannot look just as they will; and their looks frequently reveal what their words are calculated to conceal.

L ORD C HESTERFIELD (16941773), L ETTER TO HIS S ON

I magine a mirror suddenly dropped down before you during your last meeting, sales negotiation, date, friendly get-together, or confrontation.

Would you be able to spot the subtle nonverbal clues that may be sabotaging you in these situationsand keeping you from reaching your fullest potential?

Are your facial expressions awkward?

Are your hand gestures not quite right?

Do you appear weak or arrogant or older than you are?

Does the way you shake hands discourage people from doing business with you?

Does your body language clash with your words?

Do you have a glaring flaw that everyone notices but you?

We interact with other people all day long, in every meaningful moment in our lives. But we dont always understand what theyre thinkingnor do they understand our thoughts. If we dont have well-developed social perception, we may experience repeated failures: losing to the competition, job interview bombs, failed dates, trampled trust. But if we can hone that perception, learn to read people better, and communicate more effectively, that knowledge helps us in every part of our lives. We start to enjoy more exciting career opportunities, more honest friendships, better dating prospects, even more frequent wins at work!

Look at the successful people who cross your path daily. Id bet most have at least two characteristics in common. First, they possess a sense of serene self-awareness. They seem comfortable in their own skin. Second, they have a better-than-average ability to connect with other people. They know how to put people at ease and create an immediate sense of rapport. Both of these traits stem directly from a strong command of body language.

Uncovering the mysteries of body languagehow people communicate their thoughts and feelings without saying a wordis a powerful first step toward mastering any social situation. All successful people know that the ability to detect and react to the split-second signals that skim across peoples bodies hundreds of times each day is crucial to getting what they want in life. When something theyre doing isnt effective, theyve learned how to adjust their actions to maximize the moment.

Some people are gifted at body languagecertain politicians or actors, for example, have a natural ability to woo others with their mere presence. Others try to emulate those lucky gifted few. They study their tricks and copy them, or they pore over body language textbooks to try to memorize individual signals to apply in certain situations.

This approach, unfortunately, has its risks. Authentic, effective body language is more than the sum of its parts. When people work from this rote-memory, dictionary approach, they stop seeing the bigger picture, all the diverse aspects of social perception. Instead, they see a person with crossed arms and think, Reserved, angry. They see a smile and think, Happy. They use a firm handshake to show other people who is boss.

Easy, right?

Actually, I think theyre making it hard, way harder than it needs to be.

Trying to use body language by reading a body language dictionary is like trying to speak French by reading a French dictionary. Things tend to fall apart in an inauthentic mess. Your actions seem robotic; your body language signals are disconnected from one another. You end up confusing the very people youre trying to attract because your body language just rings false. Your customers continue to be unsure of you. Your boss thinks you dont respect her. Your date thinks you hate him. Your lying teen just laughs at you.

Thats why we need to move beyond the vacuum of disjointed, artificial body language to an approach based on youyour life, your history, your habits. An approach that builds your confidence from the outside in, one that keeps expanding your potential the longer you use it. But most of all, an approach that makes sense in your world, that applies in all situations, that feels natural and easy to usebecause it is.

Ive worked with more than fifty thousand peoplefrom hardened cops to senior-level executives to pampered heiressesto help them improve their body language, and Ive come to believe one thing: we are all gifted in body language. Every single one of us has natural abilitywe just need to learn how to tap into it. And once we do, the results can be life-changing:

• Employees have learned to hold their own in the boardroom and be treated well by the big boys.
• Those with social anxiety disorder have learned how to meet new people, more effectively manage their relationships, and build strong alliances.
• Middle-aged singles have gained the confidence to get back out in the dating scene.
• Women have learned how to read the judges in their divorce trials.
• Alpha dogs have discovered how to steady their nerves after a business downturn and get their power back.
• Others have discovered how to get the upper hand in negotiations so theyre never again manipulated by a mechanic, car salesperson, or family member.
• And all have been taught how to know what to do when what theyre doing isnt working.

Seeing these kinds of changes in the people Ive worked with is what drove me to write this book and share this program with you. I want to help youno matter how stuck or shy or socially awkward you areto switch on the natural body language abilities that I know you already have.

This program has evolved over fifteen years of careful study, hundreds of seminars and training sessions, and way too many encounters with out-and-out liars. Ive combined all of the tricks and techniques Ive learned to bring out this natural ability into one integrated program. You dont have to comb the research or haul out the textbooks; Ive done that for you. You can concentrate on creating the results you want. Because optimizing your body language isnt about studying or memorizing. Its about experiencing life.

Think of the way we learn to ride a bike, dance, or kiss. We use all of our experiencesour senses, gut instincts, some helpful instruction, and a lot of practice. (Especially the kissing!) Once weve learned it, we know it; we can do it automatically, without thinking, because at some level, we already knew how to do it.

The 7-Day New Body Language program helps you mine your own experiences, senses, and gut instincts to develop your natural body language ability. No longer will you sabotage yourself unknowingly with negative nonverbal cues or bumble through life on the sidelines. Youll learn to trust your own natural instincts that tell you if someone is lying, in love with you, or a total loser. Youll learn to perfect your natural expressions, so you can appear more charming, caring, or cutthroat. Whatever