Jason Hazeley - A Ladybird Book About Donald Trump

The United States of America is the most powerful country in the world, and its President is the most powerful person in the world.

Anyone can grow up to become President.

Or they can become President first, and think about growing up later.

Donald has very big hands.

The best hands.

Donald measures his hands. They are still very, very big. And getting bigger every day.

Donald has called an important meeting.

It is with all his closest work colleagues who are not in prison.

Here they both are.

Donald likes gas and oil.

Gas and oil are the very best ways of making power.

Relying on gas and oil means nobody needs to live near the noise of a sustainable windmill, which might give them cancer.

The failing newspapers do not report how good Donald is because they are jealous.

They are not the President. A newspaper has never been the President. A paper President would just blow away in the wind.

Donald is not frightened of the wind. But he does sometimes wear a baseball cap in case the wind wants to play with his new hair.

Nelbert works in the factory where Donalds hair is made.

He earns three dollars an hour bonding biphenyl polyethylovinyl strands to a polythene triweave cranial mat which attaches to the existing hair using an acrylic adhesive.

Nelbert has chemical lung damage but it is worth it to achieve such a natural look.

Executive Time is the important half of the day when Donald watches television to find some opinions he can have.

Donald tweets, Failing elephants are SAD. If crazy weird trunk guys threaten USA they will face CONSEQUENCES LIKE NEVER BE SEEN! Crooked Dumbos.

Donald thinks he is watching Fox News, but he has turned on National Geographic by mistake.

Like anyone with good taste, Donald likes things that are completely covered in gold.

This is his new chest freezer. It is full of hamburgers.

The hamburgers are not covered in gold, but when someone finds a way of doing that, those will be the hamburgers Donald buys.

Donald likes the cat.

Donald likes to touch the cat.

But Donald accidentally tells a television presenter he likes to touch the cat.

Now Donald is in trouble.

Donald does not understand.

Donald has commissioned a painting of himself, exactly as he looks now, winning a prize for jumping over a candlestick.

Many people say I am the best at jumping over candlesticks, says Donald, and in the painting that is very true.

In real life, Donald cannot jump over candlesticks, because of bone spurs.

These men are building Donalds new tower in Soligorsk.

To build his tower, Donald needed help from his Russian best friends.

The interesting thing about Donalds Russian best friends is that he does not have any Russian best friends and they do not exist and this page is a witch hunt.

Like many golfers, Donald has his own set of clubs. This one is MaraLago, in Florida.

Donald does not ever cheat at golf. Cheating makes winning too easy.

Except in the election where it was the loser Crooked Hillary who did all the cheating.

Silly Hillary. She might as well not have cheated at all.

Some people think that Donalds wife is sometimes not Donalds wife but someone pretending to be Donalds wife.

That cannot be true, because Donalds wife can be easily recognised by her very large sunglasses and the long hair covering her face.

Donald likes to make terrible things nearly happen, and then stop them at the last minute.

That way he can say he stopped a terrible thing from happening.

It is a shame he forgot to do this when he was still only nearly President.

Donalds wife is visited by the ghost of Donalds mother.

Im sorry, says Donalds mother. I didnt know that ignoring him as a child would make him into such an unbearable adult.

Why did you ignore him? asks Donalds wife.

Because he was such an unbearable child, says Donalds mother.

When Donald is asked to think about hard questions he says, Well see. And sometimes he says, Youll see.

What will happen next? Donald does not know.

But it will be seen.

He was right about that.

Donald has an imaginary friend called Covfefe.

Covfefe does not lie about Donald or witchhunt him or say he is not the best.

If only real people could be more like Covfefe.

Some racists have had a big fight with some notracists.
There were very fine people on both sides, says Donald.

The notracists are shocked. But Donald said a nice thing. He said they were as good as the racists.

Donald just wants to make everybody as happy as he makes the racists.

Before he was President, Donalds job was being a millionaire. He had been doing this job since he was eight years old.

Donald made his millions by taking them from his father, and then trying not to lose as many of them as he could.