Joel Morris - The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

THE LADYBIRD BOOKS FOR GROWN-UPS SERIES

THE HIPSTER

by

J. A. Hazeley, N.S.F.W. and J. P. Morris, O.M.G.

(Authors of There Has been a Magnificent Mistake)

Publishers: Ladybird Books Ltd, Loughborough
Printed in England. If wet, Italy.

UK | USA | Canada | Ireland | Australia
India | New Zealand | South Africa

Michael Joseph is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com
First published 2015

Copyright Jason Hazeley and Joel Morris, 2015
All images copyright Ladybird Books Ltd, 2015

The moral right of the authors has been asserted

ISBN: 978-1-405-92576-1

The authors would like to thank the illustrators whose work they have so mercilessly ribbed, and whose glorious craftsmanship was the set-dressing of their childhoods. The inspiration they sparked has never faded.

This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books that have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them.

As in the other books in this series, the large, clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. The subject of the book will greatly appeal to grown-ups.

This is a hipster.

He is childless, unaccountably wealthy, and always well turned out.

He likes art, porridge, scarves, and anything reclaimed from French factories, like this dog rack.

Jinja has opened a pop-up trifle bistro in an old Spitfire.

Every Friday, he DJs in a club where all the furniture has been burned deliberately.

His favourite band today is robofolk duo My Dead Esterhzy.

Hipsters like to collect old things that are unfashionable, because that makes them fashionable.

Vintage washing-up bowls are highly prized, because they look neither retro nor valuable, and are therefore both.

Caff Eh? in Brighton is a popular spot for hipsters.

The owner guarantees that his customers will never have heard of anything on the menu things like dotka, commoners milk, blacknock and carnip tartonne, keyhole coffee and these freshly oven-balched beetcorn labneys.

Petr runs a micro-still from the basement of a condemned electricity sub-station.

Here he makes craft gin, infused with sausage and toothpaste.

Petr is available as an app.

Hipsters like art.

This sculpture, called All the Dances I have ever Danced and in the Order I Danced Them, sold for over 11,000,000 at a bespoke car-boot art fair.

It is made of sock.

Niven is a non-linear campaign provocateur for a brandwidth trendship engagement agency.

Like most hipsters, he has no office, and carries his modified electric typewriter from coffee shop to coffee shop, on his motorised unicycle.

He dresses like this all the time.

Hipsters think plates are very old fashioned. They prefer to eat from planks, tiles and first-generation iPads.

This tofu self-identifying cross-species is being served on a spring-loaded folder that contains the script of a short film about a skateboarding shoelace designer.

Coffee is the hipsters favourite drink.

These dry espressos are made with baby scallions and chia roots and cost over 8 per cup.

They contain no water.

This is a poster for an event combining scratch cinema and a live performance by The East London Clapping Orchestra.

If you look carefully at it, you can see none of the details.

At hipster cocktail kitchen aitcH2ooEau, all the drinks are made with nothing but water.

Here, two mixographers are preparing a Coldplays Next Album, a cocktail made with fourteen different sorts of water.

The most highly prized water is Japanese fen tears.

Phoo is an action poet. She narrowcasts what she calls political demo-biography using vintage technology.

To make it more difficult to find and enjoy her work, she records each performance on to pre-used Betamax cassettes and leaves them in charity shops labelled with the names of unpopular ITV sitcoms on the spine in Dymo Tape.